Still Crazy (1998)
Beano: You know what they say. "If at first you don't succeed... "
Hughie: "Pull your foreskin over your heed."
Astrid Simms: Karen will get plane tickets, just give her your credit card number.
Ray Simms: I don't know my credit card number.
Astrid Simms: It's on your credit card, Ray.
Beano: Are you still a road dog, Hughie?
Hughie: Nah. The last tour I did was ten years ago. It was Aerosmith, but they've gone and cleaned up their act. It's all wheatgrass juice and fuckin' pumpkin seeds. I hope you guys are still crazy, or I'm outta here.
Beano: [Playing a game to name bands with parts of the body as part of their name] Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show!
Clare: Objection, your honor!
Hughie: Objection sustained.
Beano: Well, some people 'ave hooks instead of hands.
Les: Yeah, but it's not part of the body; it's not... anotomical.
Beano: It is if you haven't got a fuckin' hand!
Karen Knowles: Tell me Astrid, how are Kirby, Steele and Oakes?
Astrid Simms: I don't listen to their music.
Karen Knowles: They're your estate agents, the ones trying to offload Wuthering Heights, so don't pretend you don't need this.
Astrid Simms: You are a bloody nosy bitch Karen, and also a slut. I remember Isle of Wight.
Ray Simms: I can see you Brian, so clearly, do you have a message?
Brian Lovell: Got a gig on Saturday man.
Ray Simms: Wha-what?
Tony Costello: The only thing I have of value, is this
[pulls out Necklace with a tooth on it]
Tony Costello: Jimi Hendrix's tooth, there was a fight in a pub down Oxford Street, someone planked him, and I picked it up. I knew he was a genius even then.
Les: [pointing to at the girls T-Shirt] Where did you get that T-Shirt
Beano: Looks like '77's been through the wash a few times
Dutch Lady: 'Tis my father's, he say best band he ever saw.
Dutch Lady: My father, he died.
Les: Oh... That's a shitter.
Ray Simms: It's another sign, Brian sent them.
Hughie: [Holding a joint] Would you like a hit?
Karen Knowles: I haven't done that in years
[the Band screws up]
Hughie: Now would be a very good time to start.
Karen Knowles: [after almost running Beano over as he runs from the tax man] Beano!
Beano: What the fuck are you doing here?
Tony Costello: How do you feel about getting the Fruits together again, Beano?
Beano: Not a moment too soon, my old son!
Hughie: [v.o] If it's true that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, then drummers are from Pluto.
Ray Simms: The tragedy of people like me is our lives peaked too early.
Clare: Tragedy? Famine's a tragedy. Or knocking down a rain forest. Anyway, some people's lives never peak, ever. Think about it.
Luke Shand: You people are really something, you know that? All you want is a few free drinks and a chance to tear people down. Those guys deserve a bit more respect. You bunch of wankers!
[reaming the journalists who just finished grilling band members at a press conference]
Brian Lovell: So why did you leave me all those years ago?
Karen Knowles: I didn't wanna watch you die.
Hughie: History teaches us that men behave wisely once they've exhausted all other alternatives. For most rock bands, the pursuit of wisdom's a low priority compared to fame, fortune and fornication. Such a band was Strange Fruit.
Tony Costello: [to Les and Beano] Chrissake. This was about us. This was our second shot, and it was working. Anybody who was at Antwerp saw it. We were fucking brilliant; we were better than we ever were. We were a great band. You stupid bastards, why couldn't you bury the past before it buried us?
Young Beano: You know what they say. "If at first you don't succeed... "
Hughie: "Pull your foreskin over your heed."
Hughie: It's like 'Night of the Living Dead Two'! I'm gonna get some of those Organ Donor cards!
Ray Simms: Beano, you are definitely our strongest link to the past. In all the time I've known you man, spirtually, emotionally there's been like zero growth. You're what they call a "flat liner".
Beano: Well it's better than being a wanker!
Ray Simms: When the icy waters closed in over me, I saw Brian
Les: Do you know what he was wearing
Ray Simms: I, I don't recall
Hughie: [answering phone in the middle of the night] Hello?
Beano: [through phone, still playing bandname/body part game] "Cockney Rebel"? Cock? Knee? That's two points that is!
Karen Knowles: I had enough rock'n'roll to last a lifetime.
Tony Costello: So you gave it all up for this?
Les: Why do they always assume the singer is the voice of the band?
[as journalists swarm Ray Simms and ignore the other members]
Beano: You were engaged to a Guinness heiress, wasn't it?
Tony Costello: Yeah, but they paid me to go away.
Beano: Not enough from the look of ya.
Tony Costello: Never is, man.
Karen Knowles: This could be a great time to bring out some reissues, maybe even a box set.
Clive: Oh, listen to you, sweetie! 20 years ago you were Neil Gaydon's doormat.
Karen Knowles: Well, 20 years ago you were a tea boy at Virgin, Clive. Came to you first.
Clive: Only because I own their catalog.
Hughie: [voiceover] Karen still had ink on her fingers from school when she went to work for the Fruits. Started by sorting their laundry; by Wisbech she was sorting their lives.
Beano: [to the Lady In Black] So you're not from the Inland Revenue, then?
Les: Like the t-shirt. What's that mean?
Ray Simms: It's a Zen quotation.
Les: Is it?
Beano: I thought it was Japanese for Calvin Klein.
Snotty Reporter: So which Fruit's which?
Beano: Well, I'm Posh Fruit. Les is Sour Fruit, and Ray's the only one that's got any money so he's Bread Fruit.
Zoë: So what does that make you, Brian? Bruised Fruit?
Hughie: [last lines, voice over] I was wrong about God. Turns out he likes that 70's stuff after all. So it didn't piss down, and they played 4 encores! And with the Almighty in their corner, who knows what might happen? And how will the Fruits conspire to bollocks things up this time around? We wait with bated breath.
Hughie: Feast your eyes on this magnificent land yacht: tinted windows, air conditioned, twin porto-loos - not to mention an extensive library of pornography courtesy of the Psychedelic Furs world tour of 19 and 88. Step right up, ladies and gentlemen!
Tony Costello: Hey, Hughie, pongs in here a bit. Think one of the Furs is still in here.
Hughie: That's pedigree, Tony
Hughie: . Smell that Dettol, fag ends, vomit!
Hughie: Hope this isn't another Sunderland!
[speaking of Ray's mood swings]
Luke Shand: What happened at Sunderland?
Beano: He tried to slash his wrists with my Swiss Army knife.
Les: Yeah, he'd never find the blade.