Several of my least-favorite porno people combined their untalents to foist SALON FOR SEDUCTION on an unsuspecting public. Other than porn archivists, it holds no interest for human eyeballs.
Joe Davian's rep is based on BDSM lite, sort of a wimpy approach to Phil Prince's strong stuff in the genre. For SALON he substitutes silliness and some sophomoric gross-out content and I was far from amused -felt more like being abused. Wim Wenders would classify this as image pollution (he was referring to advertising).
R. Bolla and the attractive one-timer Jane Dorian (more about her fate later) run a beauty salon, not doing well, and Bolla gripes about clients who cancel their appointments (hey R. -that goes with the territory). Opening sex scene has Bolla with a foot fetish as he gives customer Crystal Sync (in a bad wig) a sex treatment. He announces "Now for the protein rinse" and cums all over her wig.
This was the signal to me that we'd be in for some very bad jokes, and sure enough, the overrated "actor" Bolla is up to his worst tricks, doing an extremely lame Woody Allen impression - the vocal tics and pauses - about on the level of the more frequent amateur night Chris Walken impressions that have caught on lately.
Dorian, who goes to bed with Bolla wearing black nylons and high heels (hey, us slobs out there are watching) cooks up a scheme with Bolla to turn their hair salon into a sort of brothel, decorated with dildos and sex toys. This high- concept sets in motion the remainder of this dreary porn exercise about various customers being serviced in varying ways.
Bottom falls out of the picture when Dorian covers the large mirror, explaining to Bolla that her monthly Dracula customer is coming and he can't look into mirrors. Much to my horror, Carter Stevens shows up wearing a cape and dark glasses and outdoing Bolla with lamest of lame attempted Bela Lugosi vocal impression. Only in porn can such amateurism make the cut.
But far more astounding is Stevens' behavior. This being a salon or at least used to be, he starts clipping Dorian's pubic hair in medium shot, so we see her shocked expression. But the actress ain't seen nothing yet, as Stevens grabs a straight razor and starts to shave her vagina. Jane protests mightily, pointing out he didn't apply any shaving cream. Oops I forgot, goes Stevens, applies the foam and shaves her clean while Jane maintains a fearful facial expression worthy of a real horror film. When he's done, Stevens gets a blow job which manages to enlarge his way-small for porn cock, and even limp he manages to have anal sex with her.
This horrible sequence is about as anti-erotic as one could imagine: much of the time we get to stare at Stevens' bald spot on the top of his head. He and Davian have conspired to insult the paying porn customer as much as possible, and I would assume have driven one "Jane Dorian", an attractive enough performer, to stay away from pornography for good.
After this set-piece, film continues in its lousy ways, with an idiotic sequence of a redhead female customer with nice tits identified by Jane as a cop, but Bolla and his male assistant (he hired the guy because he was getting weary from coming a dozen times a day for the job) determine that the solution to their problem is: "We'll have to f*ck her until she forgets why she came in". What results is a 3 on 1 sex scene with Jane getting in her lesbian licks, which surprisingly works: the cop lady asks for a job application at the salon afterward. Ending has Bolla growing a new pair and feeling confident enough to cancel appointments with his customers in future rather than the other way around.
This one is so bad I'm sure the usual gang of apologists, currently intent on pretending that Carter made quality films (and he's as much to blame as Davian for the crappiness of this one) will embrace it to their bosoms as another "lost masterpiece".
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