You've seen the ugly bedroom set before, and if you're a fan (like me) you've heard the library rock music score 30 times before, for Joe Sarno's crummy XXX video RIGHT TOOL FOR THE JOB. It unveils yet another pseudonym for Joe, "Tom Scanlon".
Opening is disarmingly frank, as Randy Paul enters the other set (this is a 2-set wonder, like most of Joe's video turkeys), an under-dressed living room in the Brooklyn or Queens studio, looks around and quotes Bette Davis: "What a dump". It's downhill from there.
This is to be a girls' clubhouse, populated by June (lovely blonde Megan Leigh, unfortunately another porn-world suicide), Pamela (Krista Lane, she of the uniquely pointed nipple cones) and prim & proper Fran (Siobhan Hunter, presumably the video's drawing card).
Fran arrives late, as we see one of several Sarno trademark "walking around pointlessly" transition shots of her click-clacking her high heels down an Outer Borough sidewalk. Back story, which doesn't go anywhere, has the other two girls anxious to fix Fran up with a lover, seeing as her ship's officer hubby is away for many months at a time.
While the other gals go shopping, Pamela goes extra-marital by humping guest star Carlos Valentino on that lousy bedroom set. Her all-white underwear is a treat. Poor Carlos doesn't earn a character name, just referring to himself as "a South American". Pretty weak ad libbing or scripting, as I would assume a real-life character would explicitly single out his home country! (It's like somebody announcing themselves as a "European Common Marketeer".)
When the other girls return they hear the sexual moaning from the bedroom and June starts feeling up Fran. Fran runs off, prudishly deflecting these lesbian advances.
Ron Jeremy, full of energy and pointlessly attempting to "save" the nowheres-ville video, arrives as Benjamin Louis Zekiel Beau, a dildo salesman. He runs through his well-rehearsed sales pitch and foists a briefcase full of marital aids on the girls for a total of $87.50.
After Jeremy splits, June and Pamela head to that bedroom for sapphic action, highlighted by Pamela doing June doggy-style by way of a just-purchased strap-on dildo.
The musical chairs of who is at the "clubhouse", and transitions between scenes become increasingly messed up, as Joe put very little energy or craftsmanship into this project. He was probably right, as it went undetected for over 20 years before I just discovered that "Tom Scanlon" was indeed unmistakably Sarno.
When Fran arrives, suddenly June's husband Alan (Eric Dylan, mumbling his way through a horrendous, unintelligible performance) also shows up, and Joe rushes us through a few seconds of small talk, anxiously getting them to the bedroom to hump. As touted on the DVD box cover, Dylan treats Siobhan to anal sex, perhaps a crowd-pleaser in the '80s but strictly a yawner to behold now. Her ridiculously fake groans of ecstasy are pure Sarno exaggeration.
Randy Paul (as Andrew) returns to hump June, continuing the infidelity theme. He's cast as Pamela's husband so everybody's cheating. Leigh's eraser-type nipples, pink stockings and white high heels during this sex scene spell cute.
Next up, June and Pamela are making out, planning a 3-week lesbian vacation together next week, which their hubbies have approved. June goes alone to the bedroom and Jeremy inexplicably barges in, demanding the $87.50 still owed him for the sex paraphernalia. She has no money, so declaring "it's time to pay the piper now", Ron gets sex instead. Leigh has changed into black stockings, garter belt & high heels for variety's sake and deep throats Jeremy's legendary equipment.
Pamela arrives later to find a note on the pillow, indicating June has run off with Jeremy. Brainy June ponders the salesman's oddball name and takes Benjamin Louis Zekiel Beau to stand for "Beelzebub", the devilish significance of which escapes me, even in the context of such a stupid porn video. Ending is merely Krista content to masturbate with a noisy Sarno vibrator.
Obviously there was a period in the '80s when it made financial sense to crank out as many "titles" as humanly possible to feed a video store maw for new porn releases. However, as I come near the end of watching Sarno's prolific output during that decade, his "less than 5% are watchable" success rate has to be counted as disappointing, especially given his previous track record as an entertaining '60s and '70s pornographer.
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