Urban Legend (1998)
Paul Gardener: Hey, how about some interviews? You know, students react to the tragedy on campus.
Brenda: Okay. I am saddened, and moved by the tragic...
Natalie: This was someone's life Paul. Did you even spend one minute thinking about that?
Paul Gardener: No, I didn't. But because of my story, three-thousand five-hundred students will. I think that's enough to help me sleep at night.
Parker: Please, Damon is the biggest practical joker I know. He once convinced a sophomore that he was the middle Hanson brother just so he could get laid.
Parker: [into a phone] Hello? Hello?
Killer: [distorted voice] You're gonna die tonight.
Parker: [into the phone] Oh, really? Let's see... this call is coming from inside this house. Could it be... an urban legend? Am I right?
Parker: Hello? Hey, don't get shy on me all of a sudden fuck-face. This is the one about the babysitter, right? She's getting those scary and harassing phone calls and when she traces them back, they are coming from inside the house. But asswipe, aren't you forgetting something? I'm not babysitting any kids!
Killer: [voice] Wrong legend! This is the one about the old lady who dries her wet dog in the microwave oven.
[Parker suddenly turns back and looks towards the microwave oven that he doesn't remember being on]
Dean Adams: Missing? He's not missing! It's the weekend. He's most likley shacked up in some motel with a girl. Or a guy... farm animal... whatever! Weren't you ever eighteen?
Reese Wilson: Not that kind of eighteen.
Brenda: [stabbing Natalie with the scalpel] Is this the kidney? Or is that the Liver? Oh, well. First organ I see, I'm just gonna grab it!
[Brenda digs the scalpel in deeper, but Reese bursts through the door with her gun aimed at Brenda]
Reese Wilson: Drop the weapon!
Brenda: [turns around and sees Reese] Oh great! Rent-a-cop to the rescue.
Reese Wilson: Move over the the window, now, you loony psycho bitch!
Bitchy Girl: [watching 'Tosh's' dead body being carried out on a stretcher] You should check her pulse, she's been like that for years.
Brenda: I must say, Natalie, you have proven your friendship to me. Coming all the way out here without even a little pepper spray to defend yourself with.
Brenda: Don't you want to be an urban legend, Nat? All your friends are now.
Bitchy Girl: [says to Natalie while Natalie is walking to her dorm] Sounds like Elvira's raising more than just the dead in there.
Natalie: Thanks for the warning.
Reese Wilson: [imitating Coffy on TV] This is the end of your rotten life you mother fucking dope pusher! It was easy for him because he really didn't think it was coming, but it ain't gonna be easy for you cuz you better believe it's coming!
Reese Wilson: Girl, what's the matter with you?
Natalie: They killed him! Somebody killed him!
Paul Gardener: Hey, what was all that about? Reckless endangerment? We're not exactly talking about running a stop sign, are we?
Natalie: I really don't want to talk about it.
Paul Gardener: Okay, then what do you want me to talk about? My career options without a body of writing samples? Because for your information, now that I'm off the paper thanks to you, my samples and resume are kind of limited.
Natalie: It was in high school, Paul! It's over!
Paul Gardener: Look, does this have something to do with Michelle Mancini?
Natalie: [angrily] I told you, I don't want to talk about it!
Paul Gardener: Hey! I just want to know what's going on here with you. Your theory... "mad killer on campus"... 'cause I don't know if I buy it anymore. I don't know if I ever bought it.
Brenda: Now, if I remove the gag you've got to promise me that you won't scream. Lord knows I had enough of that with Sasha.
[Brenda smiles and waves, mirroring the killer's little wave after killing Sasha]
[to Natalie, Brenda, Paul, and Sasha]
Parker: Don't you guys get it? Come on, it's just like that urban legend.
Natalie: What are you talking about?
Parker: You know the story, A boy and a girl, parked out in the woods, making out...
Brenda: [to Natalie] You made out with him?
Damon: Hey, we're going down to Parker's dorm. Hootie's gonna pierce his nose.
Natalie: Hootie's a dog, Damon.
Damon: That's no reason why he can't be hip.
Natalie: Brenda, you need help.
Brenda: I have already tried therapy! Obviously, it did me no good, Natalie.
Parker: [to Paul] If we ever have another E. Coli crisis in the cafeteria, I want you to have the biggest, juiciest burger. My treat.
Natalie: Someone's taking all of these urban legends, and making them reality.
Natalie: You're fucking crazy!
Brenda: I prefer the term "eccentric". But, yeah, I guess I'm a little "nutty".
Damon: Are you sure you don't wanna think this over? Cos, I'm all about you, Natalie.
Natalie: One black eye or two Damon. You decide.
Damon: Fine. I'm gonna go take a piss.
Professor William Wexler: Had those before?
Brenda: Yeah. They're Pop Rocks; they crackle in your mouth.
Professor William Wexler: Eat some... thirsty?... What's wrong? Something you might have heard about mixing Pop Rocks and Soda?
Brenda: Well, supposedly, your stomach and your intestines and everything bursts.
Michael McDonnell, gas station attendant: Someone's in the back... SEAT!
Natalie: [after previously walking in on Tosh having sex] Hey Tosh, sorry about last night.
Tosh Guaneri: Yeah? Well, don't let it happen again.
Natalie: [notices a tub of Lithium on the floor] Here you dropped these.
[Tosh takes them and goes back to the internet. Natalie picks up the phone but it's dead as Tosh is online]
Natalie: Umm... Tosh; excuse me.
Tosh Guaneri: [angrily turns the computer out and puts out her cigarette] This is my phone-line too!
[Damon has just sneaked up on Brenda and Natalie, proceeding to scare them half to death]
Brenda: [In disgust] Is that what you do in your spare time, Damon? Just go around scaring people like a freak?
Reese Wilson: You mind telling me what the hell you're on?
Natalie: Nothing! Reese I'm telling you the truth, it was right here... the car was...
Reese Wilson: Right here.
Natalie: Reese, I saw his body, I touched it. It was probably the same person who killed Michelle Mancini.
Reese Wilson: That's impossible, baby, the police arrested that gas station attendant this afternoon.
Nerdy Guy: Hey, listen.
[an audible scream in the middle of a song emits from the speaker]
Nerdy Guy: That scream, that's an actual cry for help by a girl being murdered.
Sasha: [feigning interest] You're kidding me!
Nerdy Guy: No! That's why it sounds so real. Because it was lifted off a 9-11 tape.
Sasha: [sarcastically] That's great.
Sasha: Parker, why do you always have to be such a jerk?
Parker: I was just messing around.
Sasha: Look, I'm gonna go to the radio station, okay?
Parker: Hey. Who's my girl? Who's my girl?
Parker: [Sasha blows him a kiss before leaving the party] That's my girl!
Sasha: Somebody told me she was listening to my show when it happened. I mean, my voice was probably the last thing she heard, can you imagine?