Selene, a beautiful vampire warrior, entrenched in a war between the vampire and werewolf races. Although she is aligned with the vampires, she falls in love with Michael, a human who is sought by werewolves for unknown reasons.
A member of a rich British aristocratic family, Lara Croft is a "tomb raider" who enjoys collecting ancient artifacts from ruins of temples, cities, etc. worldwide, and doesn't mind going through death-defying dangers to get them. She is skilled in hand-to-hand combat, weapons training, and foreign languages - and does them all in tight outfits. Well, the planets of the solar system are going into planetary alignment (Which occurs every 5,000 years), and a secret society called the Illuminati is seeking an ancient talisman that gives its possessor the ability to control time. However, they need a certain clock/key to help them in their search, and they have to find the talisman in one week or wait until the next planetary alignment to find it again. Lara happens to find that key hidden in a wall of her mansion. The Illuminati steal it, and Lara gets an old letter from her deceased father telling her about the society's agenda (Her father was also the one who hid the key). Now, she ... Written by
At least it had (a) Angelina Jolie, and (b) Arnold Rimmer
The use of space in the bunjee-jumping-inside fight scene is masterful - all three dimensions are used in a clever way. But I only worked this out afterwards. It was the choreographer's work that was masterful; the idiots who filmed and edited it did their darndest to make it choppy, incoherent, and unexciting. As if that weren't enough, someone - it may have been the composer, it may have been the director - thought that the action scenes would be best accompanied by a tuneless, relentless, jackhammer techno beat.
"Tomb Raider" is "Raiders of the Lost Ark" emulated by people who haven't seen it. If they HAD seen it, they'd know that Spielberg edited his action sequences so as to let the audience know what was going on, to give us an idea of where the hero stood and what obstacles he faced; also that John Williams wrote actual MUSIC, complete with themes and chords and rhythms and consecutive bars that often as not differed from one another.
I'm not familiar with the computer game - if I were, I would be doubly grateful to see Angelina Jolie in the leading role. It must get tiring looking at large computer-generated breasts that just SIT there, like cast-iron balloons. Oddly, the audience I was with tittered because Jolie's breasts bounced as she walked downstairs. I don't get the joke. That's what breasts, by and large, DO - those of Hollywood actresses being an unfortunate exception to the general rule. -Anyway, all this aside, Jolie was, as always, terrific, when the film allowed her to be. This wasn't often. Usually I can at least decipher the storyline of a film afterwards, but this one has me baffled. It SEEMS that the film's heroine, in order to Save the World, merely had to sit still and do nothing - and KNOWING this, she Endangered the World, so that she could later save it in a more rope-swinging, kick-boxing, ammo-expending fashion. But surely nobody would spend millions of dollars on a film with this central weakness ... would they?
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