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When I was in college I took this class called Stage Directing. It was a great class. For my final project I directed a scene from Stephen Soundheim's wacky and profound musical ASSASSINS. After my scene ran, the only big problem everybody seemed to think it had was, THAT MAYBE THE CHARACTERS SHOULD SCREAM A LITTLE LESS. IT'S KIND OF ANNOYING IF THEY DO AND MANY TIMES IT'S FAR MORE EFFECTIVE IF THEY SEETH OR GET SOFT INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE SCREAMING LEVEL THE WHOLE TIME. NOW SINCE I'VE BEGUN SCREAMING AT YOU, YOU'RE ALL PROBABLY P***ED AND WANT TO STOP READING. Please don't there is a good explanation for my screaming. It's the only way I can get close to describing the mess that is AMERICAN VIRIGN. A movie that is so bad, and so incredibly vapid that you can track Mena Suvari's (LOSER) fading career by it. When director SAM MENDES cast her in AMERICAN BEAUTY, I'll bet many people thought she was destined for a nice long career. Maybe, that's why a film like AMERICAN PIE looks like a step down and it's sub par sequel is even worse. But when she agreed to play a tart in AMERICAN VIRGIN, I guess her career went down the tubes with the word American.The film tells the story of porn baron Ronny Bartalotti (Robert Loggia, Lost Highway); he's a harsh abrasive individual that loves his daughter Katrina (Suvari) very much. He would do anything for her. Too bad she doesn't see it in her father. When she agrees to work for her Dad's former employee and biggest rival Joey Quinn (Bob Hoskins, Who Framed Roger Rabbit) by losing her virginity to millions of men around the world on national TV using a virtual reality suit. It's up to dear old dad to save his sweetheart.As this movie rolls out you begin to realize something. Nothing makes sense. It's like the director (Jean-Pierre Marois, Save the Rabbits) was given a bunch of characters and chucked a camera in their face. Loggia and Hoskins spend the entire film screaming and yelling at each other. Yes, each actor just screams, A lot! It's like Marois got mad at each actor, telling them both, you need to scream more. The movie needs more screaming. How this film got past the editing stage with so much screaming and yelling in it, is beyond me?There is also a subplot involving a boyfriend (Gabriel Mann, Buffalo Soldiers) whose whole goal is to bump into things and fall from high places. There is also a trashy TV talk show host (Sally Kellerman, MASH) who shows up everywhere as well, cause for some reason all Talk shows are live, and have a desire to cover events like this.The film is attempting to be a satire. But of what I'm not sure. It's like any coherent (and funny) idea was left on the cutting room floor, replaced by random scenes. There is this one scene involving a porn star that can't get it up, that goes on far to long and in the end it makes very little sense? Why it's in this movie? I guess to stretch the running time. I almost turned it off at that point.Why anyone thought this meandering script was ripe for the plucking is beyond me. I had a pal in Los Angeles who came across a script called "****." It was the worst script ever written, but damn it had more potential than this piece of crap.Do yourself a favor if you're passing down the video aisle and you come across a film called AMERICAN VIRGIN! Skip it! You'll be so glad you did.
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