Training Day (2001)
Alonzo Harris: [to the residents of The Jungle] Aww, you motherfuckers. Okay. Alright. I'm putting cases on all you bitches. Huh. You think you can do this shit... Jake. You think you can do this to me? You motherfuckers will be playing basketball in Pelican Bay when I get finished with you. SHU program, nigga. 23 hour lockdown. I'm the man up in this piece. You'll never see the light of... who the fuck do you think you're fucking with? I'm the police, I run shit around here. You just live here. Yeah, that's right, you better walk away. Go on and walk away... 'cause I'm gonna' burn this motherfucker down. King Kong ain't got shit on me. That's right, that's right. Shit, I don't, fuck. I'm winning anyway, I'm winning... I'm winning any motherfucking way. I can't lose. Yeah, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me.
Alonzo Harris: You disloyal, fool-ass, bitch-made punk.
Alonzo Harris: [to Jake] To protect the sheep you gotta catch the wolf, and it takes a wolf to catch a wolf.
Alonzo Harris: [to Jake] Motha fucker. You shot me in the ass.
Alonzo Harris: [in a coffee shop] Get some chow in you before we go to the office, my dollar.
Jake Hoyt: Thank you sir, but I ate...
Alonzo Harris: Fine, don't.
Jake Hoyt: It's nice here.
Alonzo Harris: May I read my paper?
Jake Hoyt: I'm sorry, sir, I...
Alonzo Harris: Thank you.
Jake Hoyt: You know what, I'll get something to eat.
Alonzo Harris: No. Hell no you won't, you fucked that up. I'm trying to read my paper. Please, shut up.
Jake Hoyt: I sure won't mind roasting in a black-and-white all day.
Alonzo Harris: Tell me a story, Hoyt.
Jake Hoyt: My story?
Alonzo Harris: No, not your story. A story. Because you can't keep your mouth shut long enough for me to read my paper. Tell me a story.
Jake Hoyt: I don't think I know any stories.
Alonzo Harris: You don't know any stories? Okay, I'll tell you a story. This is a newspaper. It's 90 per cent bullshit, but it's entertaining. That's why I read it, because it entertains me. You won't let me read it, so you entertain me with your bullshit. Tell me a story, right now.
Jake Hoyt: [stepping into Alonzo's Monte Carlo for the first time] This car is not from the motor pool.
Alonzo Harris: It's not, sexy though, ain't it?
Jake Hoyt: So, where's the office? Back at division?
Alonzo Harris: You're in the office, baby.
Alonzo Harris: [while driving in his Monte Carlo] You okay, kid? That was a man-sized hit you took, dog. When was the last time you smoked weed?
Jake Hoyt: Last time I smoked weed... 12th grade. We were... we were...
Alonzo Harris: Smoking weed.
Jake Hoyt: Yeah, yeah.
Alonzo Harris: Left that out your service jacket. Yeah, I know you got secrets. Everybody got secrets. Didn't know you liked to get wet, dog.
Jake Hoyt: What's "wet"?
Alonzo Harris: Butt-naked. Ill. Sherms. Dust. PCP. Primos. P-Dog. That's what you had. That's what you were smoking, you couldn't taste it?
Jake Hoyt: No, I've never done it.
Alonzo Harris: You have now. I haven't, but you have.
Jake Hoyt: Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Man, I'm gonna get piss-tested, and then I'm gonna get fired!
Alonzo Harris: Lieutenant's got our back. We know a week before we piss.
Jake Hoyt: Oh, shit. Shit!
Alonzo Harris: Boom!
Jake Hoyt: Why did you do this to me?
Alonzo Harris: Nobody told you to smoke that thing. You made the decision. Live with your decision. Ain't like I put a gun to your head.
Alonzo Harris: [to Jake] This shit's chess, it ain't checkers
Blue: [while in a wheelchair] What you need, homey?
Jake Hoyt: Crack. 20 bucks' worth.
[looks at Alonzo]
Blue: Smells like bacon in this muthafucka. What I look like, a sucka to you, nigga? Fuck you, rookie.
Jake Hoyt: [after smoking angel dust] Who are you?
Alonzo Harris: I'm the zig-zag man, who the fuck are you?
Jake Hoyt: I'm a cop.
Alonzo Harris: Watch out... don't shoot nobody.
Alonzo Harris: Take that dick and stick it up that funky little ass of yours, bitch. Damn, I'm thirsty.
Jake: [after meeting with the Three Wise Men] How much money was in that bag?
Alonzo: 40 G's.
Jake: What was that for?
Alonzo: You really wanna know?
Jake: Yeah. I asked, didn't I?
Alonzo: Nothing's free in this world, Jake. Not even arrest warrants.
Jake: Shit, I didn't wanna know.
Jake Hoyt: [after repeatedly punching Detective Harris] It's no fun when the rabbit has the gun, is it?
Alonzo Harris: [laughing] My nigga...
[to surrounding crowd]
Alonzo Harris: Hey. First dom who puts one in his head... I'll make you a rich man. C'mon now, who wanna get paid? Who wanna get paid?
Jake Hoyt: They're not like you. You wanna know what I learned today? I'm not like you.
Alonzo Harris: That's good, Jake. Glad to hear it. Good... so what you gonna do know, you gonna shoot me? You gonna bust yo' cherry killin' a cop?
[pulls out badge]
Alonzo Harris: There it is, Jake, hit me. You ain't never killed anybody before, have you? It ain't like steppin' on ants, Jake. It takes a man to kill... you man enough to kill, Jake?
Alonzo Harris: What a day. What a motherfuckin' day.
Alonzo Harris: [after killing Roger] Use your ears and hear me, Jake. Sometimes we gotta take this shit all the way. Now, nobody will ever ask you to pull the trigger if you don't want to.
Alonzo Harris: [to Mark] Mark, where are you transferring to?
Alonzo Harris: S.I.S. Detective. Give me 18 months, I'll give you a career. We're an elite unit. We make the big seizures. We make the big arrests. But if you're in my unit, you gotta be in it all the way or not at all. I thought that you was man enough to face that. I guess I was wrong. Five proven, decorated officers say that you're the shooter. The investigators are gonna want to pull a tube of your blood to check for intoxicants, and what are they gonna find, Jake? Do the math. You've been smoking PCP all day, haven't you?
Jake: You've been planning this all day?
Alonzo Harris: I've been planning this all week, son. You talk that crazy shit, I'll make sure that blood gets to the lab. You wanna walk your baby nuts around the block, you won't make it to the corner, but if you're cool, if you're cool... then you're a hero. You're a virgin shooter above suspicion.
Stan Gursky: [in a steakhouse restaurant] Alonzo, heard you had an expensive weekend in Vegas. How did you ever screw up so bad?
Alonzo: Hey, I didn't know. It's not my town. I'm not omniscient.
Lou Jacobs: The Russians don't care if you have a badge. They'll whack you. You ought to hop a jet out of here.
Alonzo: Why? It's an easy fix. I'll just cash in on an account.
Stan Gursky: Which one?
Alonzo: One of my old ones, my first one. The guy's a high security risk anyway. If I'm not around, who's gonna help keep him off the radar?
Stan Gursky: All right, it's your call. I do not want you to dick this up. I don't want to see you on the front page like the rest of those assholes.
Alonzo Harris: [while driving in his Monte Carlo] You got a kid, right?
Jake Hoyt: Yeah, I got a little girl.
Alonzo Harris: I've got five. All boys. You ever need a son, you let me know. I'll hook your old lady up. I can't miss.
Jake Hoyt: Can we not talk about my family?
Alonzo Harris: That's cool, I respect that. I remember what it was to have a pretty young bride. You probably still fuck her face to face, don't you?
Alonzo Harris: [after killing Roger and framing Jake] Congratulations, son. You're gonna get a Medal of Valor for this.
Jake Hoyt: But I didn't shoot him.
Alonzo Harris: A roomful of cops said you did.
Jake Hoyt: But I didn't. You did.
Alonzo Harris: A Los Angeles Police Department Narcotics officer was killed today serving a high-risk warrant in Echo Park. Gimme the bitch. LAPD spokesperson says the officer is survived... by his wife and infant child. Shit gets deeper. You get the picture?
Jake Hoyt: Yeah, I get it.
[Jake grabs gun from Alonzo, the crew points guns at Jake]
Jake Hoyt: That's the second time you pointed a gun at me. There will not be a third!
Alonzo Harris: Goddamn, boy! My nigga, are y'all watching this? That's it!
Paul: It'd be my pleasure to put a hydrashock in that melon...
Alonzo Harris: Wait, wait.
Paul: But naw, I'ma be cool. Now drop the fucking gun now!
Jake Hoyt: You wanna shoot me, Paul, go ahead. But I'm taking him with me.
Mark: I'm going, Alonzo.
Paul: This motherfucker's a fed.
Alonzo Harris: Naw, he ain't no fed. He's just a choirboy that got the drop on all you fools.
Jake Hoyt: You can't put this shit on me. I did not sign up for this!
Alonzo Harris: I understand your anger. Everybody, put your guns down.
Tim: [shouts] Hell, naw!
Paul: Choirboy first.
Alonzo Harris: [shouts] Everybody, put your guns down! That's an order.
Alonzo Harris: Put 'em down!
Alonzo Harris: [in a coffee shop] But, I don't believe you. You tapped that ass, didn't you. C'mon, tell the truth, you know you tapped that ass. You put her in the backseat, BAM. Code-X.
Jake Hoyt: Look man, I got a wife.
Alonzo Harris: You got a dick. You do have a dick, don't you? Okay, the dick lines up straight like that right? To the right of it and to the left of it are pockets, right? In those pockets are money. Look in either one of 'em, pay the bill.
Paul: [in Roger's home] Alonzo, there's two shots left in that other stinger. We need to just kill your boy right now and say Roger got him coming through the door.
Alonzo: We ain't killing nobody. This guy's got the magic eye. I can feel it. Just had a little freak-out, that's all. Now I say he's cool, and nobody's gonna hurt him. But you do have a decision to make, because in about 10 seconds, this whole place is gonna be overrun with blue suits.
Alonzo: So just walk outside and clear your head, or just shoot me.
Jake: [on the way out] Hey, Paul.
Paul: [Mark holds him back] You're dead, motherfucker! You hear me?
Paul: You're fuckin' dead!
Alonzo Harris: [to Jake] They build jails 'cause of me.
Alonzo: [while driving in his Monte Carlo] Why do you wanna be a narc?
Jake: I want to protect the streets by ridding it of dangerous drugs.
Alonzo: Yeah, but why do you wanna be a narc?
Jake: I wanna make detective.
Alonzo: There you go. You stick around with me, you'll make it. Unlearn that bullshit they teach you at the Academy. That shit'll get you killed out here.
Jake: I'll do anything you want me to do.
Alonzo: My nigga. Roll that window down first.
[Jake rolls down window]
Alonzo: You gotta see the streets. You gotta feel it. You gotta smell it, you gotta taste the streets. How's your Espanol?
Jake: Uh, más o menos.
Alonzo: Learn that shit, brother. That shit'll get you killed. These motherfuckers out there be plotting all types of shit on you.
Smiley: [to Jake, before Moreno, sniper, Smiley drag him into the bathroom and lift him into the tub ] You got the right to be bitch-slapped.
Lou Jacobs: [in a steakhouse restaurant] I don't know why I'm talking to you. I don't talk to dead men.
Alonzo Harris: I ain't dead yet. Fuckin' prick.
Alonzo Harris: [while inserting confiscated marijuana into a confiscated pipe] To be truly effective, a good narcotics agent must know and love narcotics. In fact, a good narcotics agent should have narcotics in his blood.
Jake Hoyt: Are you gonna smoke that?
Alonzo Harris: No, you are.
Jake Hoyt: [laughs] Hell if I am.
Alonzo Harris: You not gon' smoke it?
Jake Hoyt: Naw, man. I became a narc to rid the streets of dopers, not to be one.
Alonzo Harris: Come on, man, take a hit.
Jake Hoyt: Naw, man.
Alonzo Harris: [Slams brakes] Yeah, right. If I was a drug dealer, you'd be dead by now, motherfucker. You turn shit down on the streets, and the chief brings your wife a crisply folded flag. What the fuck's wrong with you? Talking about - You know what? I don't want you in my unit. I don't even want you in my division. Get the fuck out the car. Go back to the Valley, rookie.
Jake Hoyt: All right, I'll smoke it.
Roger: [in his home] You figure that joke out, you'll figure the streets out.
Alonzo Harris: There ain't nothing to figure out, that's just some senseless bullshit. Don't listen to him.
Jake Hoyt: You know, I already figured 'em out.
Alonzo Harris: Really?
Roger: You already figured the streets out.
Jake Hoyt: It's all about smiles and cries.
Alonzo Harris: Put the drink down, man, the motherfuckers out of his mind.
Roger: Hold on, Alonzo, hold on. Smiles and cries, smiles and cries, I hear ya.
Jake Hoyt: Yeah. You gotta control your smiles and cries, because that's all you have and nobody can take that away from you.
Alonzo Harris: I had lunch with the Wise Men today. They say you gotta render unto Caesar.
Roger: [in his home] Fuckin' vampires want my pension!
Alonzo Harris: [to Roger after shooting him] Breathe dawg... breathe.
Alonzo Harris: [in an alleyway next to a chained link fence] You hear that, homey? You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Huh?
Crackhead #1: [lying on the ground hand] What you think?
Alonzo Harris: They got room for guys like you at the booty house, you ever been to the booty house. Big boys have you grab you ankles...
Crackhead #1: Suck my dick, bitch. I know people.
Alonzo Harris: That's how it starts. What about you, my man? Where's yo' horn?
Crackhead #2: I ain't got nothin' on me, man.
Alonzo Harris: You sure?
Crackhead #2: Yeah, man.
Alonzo Harris: You got money, though.
[pulls out crack]
Alonzo Harris: Ooohh, you lied to me, you lied to me. Lucky I don't make you eat that, dawg.
[steps on crack]
Alonzo: [after killing Roger and shooting Jeff] It's not what you know, it's what you can prove. Mark and Paul, you kicked the door down. Jeff's the first one through. Roger hits Jeff twice.
Alonzo: What's the matter, one go through?
Tim: Yeah, you shot him.
Jeff: You fucking shot me, man!
Alonzo: Don't worry about it. You'll get a medal.
Jeff: Get me an ambulance!
Alonzo: Hey, hey, hey. You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Let me quarterback this thing. Mark, Paul, you kicked the door down. Jeff's the first one through. Roger shoots Jeff twice, bang bang. Our new guy, Hoyt, he's in second. Drops Roger with some fine shotgun work. Now who shot Roger?
Mark: New guy, came in spraying.
Alonzo: Who shot Roger?
Paul: Boot did it.
Alonzo: What did you guys see?
Tim: Hoyt blasted him.
Jeff: Hey, fuck Hoyt, all right? Ambulance time!
Alonzo: Done. Paul, call 'em up.
Paul: 11-49-98 Shots fired. Officer down. Repeat. Officer down. 5951 Baxter Street.
Jake Hoyt: [lying in their bathtub] Now, listen to me, that girl was being raped. I saw these two fuckin' drug addicts attacking her, and I stopped 'em...
Smiley: [pointing a double barrel shotgun at Jake's cheek] You lie to me.
Jake Hoyt: I would - not - lie to you...
Smiley: Don't lie to me! - Don't lie to me!
Jake Hoyt: I swear to God. She was being raped, and I stopped 'em, man. And please man, I got a little kid...
Sniper: [elevating Jake's legs upwards] Shut the fuck up, faggot.
Sniper: Blast his ass, homes.
Jake Hoyt: I have - a little girl.
Alonzo: [while driving in his Monte Carlo] Today's a training day, Officer Hoyt. Show you around, give you a taste of the business. I got 38 cases pending trial, 63 in active investigations, another 250 on the log I can't clear. I supervise five officers. That's five different personalities. Five sets of problems. You can be number six if you act now. But I ain't holding no hands, okay? I ain't baby-sitting. You got today and today only to show me who and what you're made of. You don't like narcotics, get the fuck out of my car. Go get you a nice, pussy desk job, chasing bad checks or something, you hear me?
Newscaster: A Los Angeles Police Department Narcotics officer was killed today serving a high-risk warrant near LAX. An LAPD spokesperson says that Detective Alonzo Harris is survived by his wife and four sons.
Alonzo: [after forcefully pressing a pen down Blue's throat causing him to vomit the narcotics he was hiding in his stomach] What's that?
Blue: Motherfucking crack, man.
Alonzo: That's right, Jimmy Crack Corn. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Oh, you're federally fucked now. You got crack... and a gun. You know with your record you can get 10 years per bullet? Now you gon' gimme a name.
Alonzo: That's 10 right there.
Blue: Come on, man. You know I ain't no snitch, man.
Alonzo: I know you ain't no snitch. Gimme a name.
Alonzo: That's 20.
Alonzo: Gimme a name.
Alonzo: That's 30 years. You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home?
Blue: He in the county!
Blue: Nigga named Sandman. That's all the fuck I know,man! Shit!
Alonzo: See how easy that was?
Blue: I'm sick of this shit, man.
Alonzo: You wanna collect the evidence?
Jake: Fuck that.
Alonzo: My nigga.
Jake Hoyt: [Yanks Alonzo's badge] You don't deserve this.
Alonzo Harris: Oh where, Oh where has my little Jake gone? Oh where, oh where can he be?
Moreno: [while playing poker in their kitchen] So tell me something. How long have you been a pig, I mean, a police officer?
Jake Hoyt: I've been a pig for 19 months.
Moreno: 19 months? You like it?
Jake Hoyt: I should have been a fireman.
Alonzo Harris: [to Jake] Shit, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me.
Alonzo Harris: [in a steakhouse restaurant] Why the long face, Doug? Feds seize your house?
Doug Rosselli: Fuck yourself, Alonzo.
Jake Hoyt: [before entering Sandman's house] If he's not here, why are we here?
Alonzo Harris: We're here to serve this warrant.
Jake Hoyt: C'mon, man. We can't do that.
Alonzo Harris: Yes, hell we can. We're the police, we can do what the fuck we wanna do.
Jake Hoyt: Shouldn't we go get a real warrant?
Alonzo Harris: We're trying to get shit done. Just stand over there and don't get me killed, all right, new guy?
Alonzo Harris: One time. What's up Bone?
Bone: What's up, Alonzo? - What's happenin' with you, Damu?
Alonzo Harris: It's all good.
Bone: I wanna tell you man: I appreciate what you did for my nephew, that's some real shit.
Alonzo Harris: For sure. For sure.
[Alonzo walks away]
Bone: I'm sick of this shit I can't stand that motherfucker.
Alonzo Harris: [Explaining his orders to raid Roger's house] There's nothing I can do about it, you know, I'm just a lowly civil servant.
Roger: Ehhh, you're their bitch!
Alonzo Harris: [referring to his shotgun that's his holding to find to Jake, somewhere in Sara's apartment] You know I'm surgical with this bitch, Jake. How do you want it, dog? Closed casket? Remember that fool in the wheelchair? How do you think he got there?
Jake Hoyt: [referring to Alonzo letting go two would be rapists and letting the victim's cousins exact revenge on them] That's street justice.
Alonzo Harris: [while driving in his Monte Carlo] What's wrong with street justice?
Jake Hoyt: Oh, what, so just let the animals wipe themselves out, right?
Alonzo Harris: God willing. Fuck 'em, and everybody that looks like 'em.
Alonzo: [on the phone talking to Smiley] Make sure that bathtub is clean, homey.
[Jake gets in car]
Alonzo: It behoves you not to dick around on this one. Justifiable homicide in the line of duty? What happened was...
Jake: What happened was murder... and armed robbery. Wait, we had badges, so it's different?
Alonzo: Open your eyes, son. Can't you see?
Jake: That man was your friend, and you killed him like a fly.
Alonzo: Why is he my friend, because he knows my first name? Roger sold dope to kids. The world is a better place without him. This man was the biggest major violator in Los Angeles. This is the game. I'm playing his ass. That's my job. That's your job. I watched that cocksucker operate with impunity for over 10 years, and now I got him. The shit's chess, it ain't checkers. What, we all of a sudden gonna roll up in a black-and-white? Come on, man, take the money.
Jake: I told you, I'm not gonna take that money.
Alonzo: All right, burn it, barbecue it, fish-fry it, I don't give a fuck. But the boys'll feel better about it.
Jake: Fuck their feelings.
Alonzo: You're not making them feel like you're part of the team.
Jake: The team? You guys are fuckin' insane. All right, I'll go back to the Valley. I'll cut parking tickets. Why does it have to be this way?
Alonzo: I'm sorry I exposed you to it, but it is. It's ugly, but it's necessary... Sometimes you gotta have a little dirt on you for anybody to trust you.
Alonzo: [while meeting on the roof of a parking garage] What's happening? You got the picks and shovels?
Mark: You gonna dig a ditch?
Alonzo: Nope. You are. That's a nice suit.
Alonzo: What's going on, killer?
Paul: I can't call it. Been hearing some shit out here on these streets. You all right?
Alonzo: Yeah. I talked to the three wise men today. Everything's all good.
Paul: Shit, you say we can get away with it, I'm with you on that.
[points to Jake]
Paul: Who the fuck is this?
Jake: Jake Hoyt. I'm from Valley Patrol. It's my first day.
Paul: You a long way from Starbucks homey.
Paul: Yo, why the fuck is he in on this?
Alonzo: Gotta get his cherry popped sometime.
Paul: [to Jake] Yo, stay the fuck outta my way. Just for the big dogs, you feel me?
Alonzo: All right. Here's the warrant signed and sealed by the judge, thanks to the Sandman. Alright, now listen up; Safety is first. He gives us shit - Boom! We're giving him lead. Let's do this right so we can all go home and do the wife or the girlfriend thing, alright? Let's suit up, ladies. Time to punch in.
Alonzo Harris: [to Roger] You wouldn't mind if I have some of your three thousand dollar-a-glass shit there, would you?
Bone: [while pointing a gun at Alonzo] Jake, go ahead and bounce, homey. Get up out of here. We got your back.
Alonzo Harris: What?
Bone: It's like that.
Alonzo: [bruised and bloodied, and turns his head back to see Jake pointing a gun at him while dragging away from him with a lit cigarette in his mouth] , you gonna bust your cherry killing a cop? You know what you get for that, Jake? The gas chamber. You know what the gas chamber smells like? Pine oil. I'ma send you to a pine oil heaven. I'ma get that gun and I'ma get that gun and I'm going to get that money, and your not going to shit because you're not going to shoot a cop in the back.
Jake: [observing drug dealers from Alonzo's Monte Carlo] What's here?
Alonzo: Transactions. You see that Salvatrucha zero head sitting on that fence acting like he's not slanging dope? That's my boy. My boy, Neto. The punk's only 17, but he can kill with the best. He's one of mine. He works for me.
Jake: Jesus, he's an informer?
Alonzo: Teammate. I got eyes everywhere. He gets to peddle a little reefer, gets money to take care of the family. He lets me know when big things are going on. Big transactions.
Alonzo: Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Look at that. Sexy ain't it?
Jake: And you trust him?
Alonzo: Damn right I trust him. I sprung his mom from INS detention. Watch this.
[drug deal being made]
Alonzo: You see that hand-to-hand?
Jake: Yeah, I saw it.
Alonzo: When was the last time you did a felony stop?
Jake: Two weeks ago.
Alonzo: Good. You need practice.
Jake: They look like a bunch of college kids.
Alonzo: They'll get their education today. I want the Brady Bunch grabbing glass. I take the front, you take the back.
[Jake picks up radio to call in]
Alonzo: Stay off of the Rover. Let's go.
Blue: I told ya'll I don't work for nobody. Why the fuck are ya'll sweatin' me any mothafuckin' way?
Alonzo Harris: [to Jake while walking up the stairs to Smiley's house] Believe it or not, I do try to do some good in the community.
Jake Hoyt: Hello?
Alonzo Harris: Hoyt?
Jake Hoyt: Yes, sir?
Alonzo Harris: You on your way to roll call?
Jake Hoyt: Yes, sir, I'm on my way out the door right now.
Alonzo Harris: Hoyt.
Jake Hoyt: Yes, sir?
Alonzo Harris: Patrol ferries go to roll call, we don't go to roll call...
Jake Hoyt: OK, that's good to know.
Alonzo Harris: Listen, there's a coffee shop at 7th and Whitman. Be there, ten 'o clock, in civies, comfortable shoes. You got a backup gun? Somethin' pocket size?
Jake Hoyt: Uh, no sir. I got the Department issue Buretta...
Alonzo Harris: Good, good, bring it. Cuffs too. We'll be in the office all day, but who knows? Maybe we'll do some business, we're an aggressive unit.
Jake Hoyt: Uh, yes sir. And that's exactly why I signed up, and I just wanted to thank you...
[Alonzo hangs up]
[Hoyt just smoked some weed]
Alonzo Harris: When was the last time you smoked weed?
Jake Hoyt: High school... We were...
Alonzo Harris: Smoking weed.
Jake Hoyt: Right.
Alonzo Harris: Right.
Alonzo Harris: [to Jake] Now, whenever you think of pullin' the trigger, you think of him first. 'Cuz if you don't, he'll snatch your fuckin' nuts out and use 'em for dice.
Alonzo Harris: [while in his Monte Carlo] All right, when's the last time you did a felony stop?
Jake Hoyt: Uh, couple weeks ago?
Alonzo Harris: Good, you need practice.
Jake Hoyt: They look like college kids.
Alonzo Harris: They're gonna get their education today. I don't want the Brady Bunch grabbin' glass. You take the back, I'll take the front.
Roger: [in his home] Here's a joke, boy. One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to shit, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the fuck's your problem?'
Jake Hoyt: That's messed up. That wasn't funny.
Alonzo Harris: Then why are you cackling like a jackal?
Jake Hoyt: I dunno.
Roger: Figure that joke out and you'll figure the streets out.
Roger: Hoyt. Hoyt. Hoyt... Strong Saftey. North High. I follow all the good players.
[first lines, after he shuts off the alarm clock]
Jake: It's time.
Alonzo Harris: [to Jake] Yeah whatever. Whatever the fuck ever.
[Bone is smoking a cigarette with his friends]
Bone: You got business here, Rookie?
Jake Hoyt: I'm here for Alonzo.
Alonzo Harris: Boom!
[before and after Jake tells him the DUI story inside the coffee shop]
Jake Hoyt: [referring to Blue] That stuff doesn't fly anymore, man. Shovin' a pen down - what if that guy complains?
Alonzo Harris: [while driving in his Monte Carlo] To who?
Jake Hoyt: Police Department! Let's see your hands!
Alonzo Harris: Put your hands up! Put 'em up! Put 'em up! Driver, right side passenger, hands on the windshield!
Jake Hoyt: [to female] Rear seat passenger, palms on the glass. Look that way!
Alonzo Harris: Put it in park!
College Driver: Stick shift.
Alonzo Harris: Take your keys out and throw 'em in the window. Take your keys out and throw 'em in the window.
Male College Passenger: I'm sorry.
Alonzo Harris: [to front passenger] Shut up! Too late for that.
Alonzo Harris: Fork it over!
College Driver: What are you talking about?
Alonzo Harris: You know what I'm talking about. The marijuana. Give it to me! Give it to me!
[to front passenger]
Alonzo Harris: Gimme that pipe underneath your seat.
Male College Passenger: My mom gave it to me.
Alonzo Harris: I don't care who gave it to you. She can pick it up in jail. What else you got? C'mon, c'mon, gimme, gimme, gimme.
[female removes hands from glass]
Alonzo Harris: [to Jake] Hey, control your suspect!
Jake Hoyt: Miss, palms on the glass!
Alonzo Harris: [to female] You move those hands again, I'll slap the taste out of your mouth. Put your hands over there. Right there.
Alonzo Harris: Now what are you doing out here? You know this is a gang neighborhood?
College Driver: Yeah.
Alonzo Harris: Then don't come down here again. I catch you down here again, I'ma take your vehicle. I'ma make you walk home. I'ma let the homeboys up the hill run a train on your girlfriend. You know what a train is, don't you?
College Driver: Yeah.
Alonzo Harris: All right, thanks for your cooperation.
Alonzo Harris: Let's go. Safe your iron, son.
Male College Passenger: Shit!
Jake: [Telling Alonzo a story in a coffee shop] There was a DUI stop.
Alonzo Harris: A DUI stop, let me load up my guns a DUI stop, OH SHIT!
Jake: Listen man, its a good one, we were on watch.
Alonzo Harris: We?
Jake: Me and Debbie, my training officer
Alonzo Harris: [Intrigued] You have a female training officer? What was she? Black or White?
Jake: She was white
Alonzo Harris: Liquor License?
Jake: A what?
Alonzo Harris: "A Liquor License", was she a dyke? A lesbian?
Jake: I don't know.
Alonzo Harris: Was she good looking?
Jake: Yeah, pretty good.
Jake: [Driving away from Sandman's house after the shooting] God damn it that was not cool opening fire in the middle of a neighborhood where was the Sandman? What the hell were you doing back there?
Alonzo Harris: I was checking for narcotic activity drugs, guns, and baggies
Alonzo Harris: Speak on it
Jake: She's screaming about money
Alonzo Harris: She's just talking shit, she's talking about us getting killed
Jake: I'm going to be on the six o'clock news in an orange suit in hand cuffs because of you with the scandals and what not it is open season on misconduct they will nail us to the wall
Alonzo Harris: Listen, you're in a privileged position to learn a thing or two keep your mouth shut and your eyes open you say you're serious about doing some real police this is the place to learn but if this kind of shit shakes you up maybe you should go back to your division you have to decide if you're a wolf or a sheep
[Alonzo shows Jake his tattoo, after pulling over on the side of the highway]
Alonzo Harris: Get your ink
Smiley: [to Jake, after playing poker with him, Sniper, and Moreno in their kitchen] Alonzo pulled off a miracle. Times are tight, he jacked up a lot of cash from Roger, he blasted the fool, that's why I never shake his hand he don't respect nothing you know what the money's for? Alonzo's a hot head, last week in Vegas some Russian starts talking shit, Alonzo just snaps beat that guy to death, turns out that Russian is a somebody, now his into the Russians for a million they gave him until tonight to pay up. his name is still on the list. Nobody thought he could get cash that quick, good thing he did because there's a crew on standby, if he doesn't turn up downtown with the money by midnight and not a minute after, he's a dead man.
Jake: [Jake kick opens the bedroom door and finds Alonzo packing money into a bag and Sara lies naked on the bed] Take the money and put it inside that bag and take your weapons and put it inside that pillow case
Alonzo Harris: [Clapping with the packs of cash] Congratulations son, you passed the test you're a narc put the gun down before you give my girl a heart attack
Jake: I said put the money inside that bag and take your weapons and put it inside that pillow case, fuck your appointment with the Russians you're not going to make it
Alonzo Harris: [while he puts his guns inside the pillow case Sara gave him] so you're going to hook me and book me? You're the one that was smoking the dust, you're the one who ran out like a maniac and you're the one who shot Roger
Jake: How about the gun in your ankle?
Alonzo Harris: You want the one in my back pocket?
Jake: Yeah I would
Alonzo Harris: You got one problem though, you got no witnesses, who are your fucking witnesses? Roger? Smiley? You think my troops are going to help you? What can you prove? Where's your evidence?
Jake: [points to the bag filled with money as Alonzo flicks a cigarette into Jake's face] It's right there
Doug Rosselli: [telling Alonzo a story in a steakhouse restaurant with Lou, and Stan present] There's a serial burglar we're chasing him for twelve months, a real slickster and he gave up nothing. His sentencing was today so before the hearing he gets a hold of some peanut butter and he packs his ass crack with it, he's standing tall before the judge and he's ready to give a statement, he shoves his hand down his pants and it comes out with a glob of extra chunky Jiff, bailiffs won't come near him. Now he's looking at the judge in the eyes and licks his fingers clean, so the judge says "this poor man is insane, he can't go to prison", orders him to get a psychiatric evaluation and by the time the judge found out it was sandwich spread, the order was already signed and the guy had already been transferred, after six months in the puzzle factory they call him "normal" and let him loose, he'll never do a day in prison. One day I'm going to find this guy on the street and I'm going to kill him.
Jake: [Telling Alonzo a story in a coffee shop] It was a quiet night we were rolling on Van Nuys I'm driving this Acura comes out a side street all over the median in excess I light it up hit the whaler guy drives on like I'm invisible for ten blocks before he pulls over plates were unclean so I'm watching from our unit and she's tossing the Acura she calls me over to the vehicle a snub 38 two shotguns fully loaded so she calls our supervisor and I keep searching and I find five hundred grams of meth turns out this DUI is on bail for distribution and is on his way to smoke his ex-partner before trial so we prevented a murder.