Training Day (2001)
Alonzo Harris: Aww, you motherfuckers. Okay. Alright. I'm putting cases on all you bitches. Huh. You think you can do this shit... Jake. You think you can do this to me? You motherfuckers will be playing basketball in Pelican Bay when I get finished with you. SHU program, nigga. 23 hour lockdown. I'm the man up in this piece. You'll never see the light of... who the fuck do you think you're fucking with? I'm the police, I run shit around here. You just live here. Yeah, that's right, you better walk away. Go on and walk away... 'cause I'm gonna' burn this motherfucker down. King Kong ain't got shit on me. That's right, that's right. Shit, I don't, fuck. I'm winning anyway, I'm winning... I'm winning any motherfucking way. I can't lose. Yeah, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me.
Alonzo Harris: You disloyal, fool-ass, bitch-made punk.
Alonzo Harris: To protect the sheep you gotta catch the wolf, and it takes a wolf to catch a wolf.
Alonzo Harris: It's not what you know, it's what you can prove.
Alonzo Harris: Get some chow in you before we go to the office, my dollar.
Jake Hoyt: Thank you sir, but I ate...
Alonzo Harris: Fine, don't.
Jake Hoyt: It's nice here.
Alonzo Harris: May I read my paper?
Jake Hoyt: I'm sorry, sir, I...
Alonzo Harris: Thank you.
Jake Hoyt: You know what, I'll get something to eat.
Alonzo Harris: No. Hell no you won't, you fucked that up. I'm trying to read my paper. Please, shut up.
Jake Hoyt: I sure won't mind roasting in a black-and-white all day.
Alonzo Harris: Tell me a story, Hoyt.
Jake Hoyt: My story?
Alonzo Harris: No, not your story. A story. Because you can't keep your mouth shut long enough for me to read my paper. Tell me a story.
Jake Hoyt: I don't think I know any stories.
Alonzo Harris: You don't know any stories? Okay, I'll tell you a story. This is a newspaper. It's 90 per cent bullshit, but it's entertaining. That's why I read it, because it entertains me. You won't let me read it, so you entertain me with your bullshit. Tell me a story, right now.
Jake Hoyt: This car is not from the motor pool.
Alonzo Harris: It's not, sexy though, ain't it?
Jake Hoyt: So, where's the office? Back at division?
Alonzo Harris: You're in the office, baby.
Alonzo Harris: You okay, kid? That was a man-sized hit you took, dog. When was the last time you smoked weed?
Jake Hoyt: Last time I smoked weed... 12th grade. We were... we were...
Alonzo Harris: Smoking weed.
Jake Hoyt: Yeah, yeah.
Alonzo Harris: Left that out your service jacket. Yeah, I know you got secrets. Everybody got secrets. Didn't know you liked to get wet, dog.
Jake Hoyt: What's "wet"?
Alonzo Harris: Butt-naked. Ill. Sherms. Dust. PCP. Primos. P-Dog. That's what you had. That's what you were smoking, you couldn't taste it?
Jake Hoyt: No, I've never done it.
Alonzo Harris: You have now. I haven't, but you have.
Jake Hoyt: Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Man, I'm gonna get piss-tested, and then I'm gonna get fired!
Alonzo Harris: Lieutenant's got our back. We know a week before we piss.
Jake Hoyt: Oh, shit. Shit!
Alonzo Harris: Boom!
Jake Hoyt: Why did you do this to me?
Alonzo Harris: Nobody told you to smoke that thing. You made the decision. Live with your decision. Ain't like I put a gun to your head.
Jake Hoyt: [after smoking angel dust] Who are you?
Alonzo Harris: I'm the zig-zag man, who the fuck are you?
Jake Hoyt: I'm a cop.
Alonzo Harris: Watch out... don't shoot nobody.
Blue: What you need, homey?
Jake Hoyt: Crack. 20 bucks' worth.
[looks at Alonzo]
Blue: Smells like bacon in this muthafucka. What I look like, a sucka to you, nigga? Fuck you, rookie.
Jake: How much money was in that bag?
Alonzo: 40 G's.
Jake: What was that for?
Alonzo: You really wanna know?
Jake: Yeah. I asked, didn't I?
Alonzo: Nothing's free in this world, Jake. Not even arrest warrants.
Jake: Shit, I didn't wanna know.
Jake Hoyt: [after repeatedly punching Detective Harris] It's no fun when the rabbit has the gun, is it?
Alonzo Harris: [laughing] My nigga...
[to surrounding crowd]
Alonzo Harris: Hey. First dom who puts one in his head... I'll make you a rich man. C'mon now, who wanna get paid? Who wanna get paid?
Jake Hoyt: They're not like you. You wanna know what I learned today? I'm not like you.
Alonzo Harris: That's good, Jake. Glad to hear it. Good... so what you gonna do know, you gonna shoot me? You gonna bust yo' cherry killin' a cop?
[pulls out badge]
Alonzo Harris: There it is, Jake, hit me. You ain't never killed anybody before, have you? It ain't like steppin' on ants, Jake. It takes a man to kill... you man enough to kill, Jake?
Alonzo Harris: Take that dick and stick it up that funky little ass of yours, bitch. Damn, I'm thirsty.
Alonzo Harris: What a day. What a motherfuckin' day.
Alonzo Harris: Use your ears and hear me, Jake. Sometimes we gotta take this shit all the way. Now, nobody will ever ask you to pull the trigger if you don't want to.
Alonzo Harris: [to Mark] Mark, where are you transferring to?
Alonzo Harris: S.I.S. Detective. Give me 18 months, I'll give you a career. We're an elite unit. We make the big seizures. We make the big arrests. But if you're in my unit, you gotta be in it all the way or not at all. I thought that you was man enough to face that. I guess I was wrong. Five proven, decorated officers say that you're the shooter. The investigators are gonna want to pull a tube of your blood to check for intoxicants, and what are they gonna find, Jake? Do the math. You've been smoking PCP all day, haven't you?
Jake: You've been planning this all day?
Alonzo Harris: I've been planning this all week, son. You talk that crazy shit, I'll make sure that blood gets to the lab. You wanna walk your baby nuts around the block, you won't make it to the corner, but if you're cool, if you're cool... then you're a hero. You're a virgin shooter above suspicion.
Stan Gursky: Alonzo, heard you had an expensive weekend in Vegas. How did you ever screw up so bad?
Alonzo: Hey, I didn't know. It's not my town. I'm not omniscient.
Lou Jacobs: The Russians don't care if you have a badge. They'll whack you. You ought to hop a jet out of here.
Alonzo: Why? It's an easy fix. I'll just cash in on an account.
Stan Gursky: Which one?
Alonzo: One of my old ones, my first one. The guy's a high security risk anyway. If I'm not around, who's gonna help keep him off the radar?
Stan Gursky: All right, it's your call. I do not want you to dick this up. I don't want to see you on the front page like the rest of those assholes.
Alonzo Harris: You got a kid, right?
Jake Hoyt: Yeah, I got a little girl.
Alonzo Harris: I've got five. All boys. You ever need a son, you let me know. I'll hook your old lady up. I can't miss.
Jake Hoyt: Can we not talk about my family?
Alonzo Harris: That's cool, I respect that. I remember what it was to have a pretty young bride. You probably still fuck her face to face, don't you?
Alonzo Harris: [after killing Roger and framing Jake] Congratulations, son. You're gonna get a Medal of Valor for this.
Jake Hoyt: But I didn't shoot him.
Alonzo Harris: A roomful of cops said you did.
Jake Hoyt: But I didn't. You did.
Alonzo Harris: A Los Angeles Police Department Narcotics officer was killed today serving a high-risk warrant in Echo Park. Gimme the bitch. LAPD spokesperson says the officer is survived... by his wife and infant child. Shit gets deeper. You get the picture?
Jake Hoyt: Yeah, I get it.
[Jake grabs gun from Alonzo, the crew points guns at Jake]
Jake Hoyt: That's the second time you pointed a gun at me. There will not be a third!
Alonzo Harris: Goddamn, boy! My nigga, are y'all watching this? That's it!
Paul: It'd be my pleasure to put a hydrashock in that melon...
Alonzo Harris: Wait, wait.
Paul: But naw, I'ma be cool. Now drop the fucking gun now!
Jake Hoyt: You wanna shoot me, Paul, go ahead. But I'm taking him with me.
Mark: I'm going, Alonzo.
Paul: This motherfucker's a fed.
Alonzo Harris: Naw, he ain't no fed. He's just a choirboy that got the drop on all you fools.
Jake Hoyt: You can't put this shit on me. I did not sign up for this!
Alonzo Harris: I understand your anger. Everybody, put your guns down.
Tim: [shouts] Hell, naw!
Paul: Choirboy first.
Alonzo Harris: [shouts] Everybody, put your guns down! That's an order.
Alonzo Harris: Put 'em down!
Paul: Alonzo, there's two shots left in that other stinger. We need to just kill your boy right now and say Roger got him coming through the door.
Alonzo: We ain't killing nobody. This guy's got the magic eye. I can feel it. Just had a little freak-out, that's all. Now I say he's cool, and nobody's gonna hurt him. But you do have a decision to make, because in about 10 seconds, this whole place is gonna be overrun with blue suits.
Alonzo: So just walk outside and clear your head, or just shoot me.
Jake: [on the way out] Hey, Paul.
Paul: [Mark holds him back] You're dead, motherfucker! You hear me?
Paul: You're fuckin' dead!
Alonzo: Why do you wanna be a narc?
Jake: I want to protect the streets by ridding it of dangerous drugs.
Alonzo: Yeah, but why do you wanna be a narc?
Jake: I wanna make detective.
Alonzo: There you go. You stick around with me, you'll make it. Unlearn that bullshit they teach you at the Academy. That shit'll get you killed out here.
Jake: I'll do anything you want me to do.
Alonzo: My nigga. Roll that window down first.
[Jake rolls down window]
Alonzo: You gotta see the streets. You gotta feel it. You gotta smell it, you gotta taste the streets. How's your Espanol?
Jake: Uh, más o menos.
Alonzo: Learn that shit, brother. That shit'll get you killed. These motherfuckers out there be plotting all types of shit on you.
Lou Jacobs: I don't know why I'm talking to you. I don't talk to dead men.
Alonzo Harris: I ain't dead yet. Fuckin' prick.
Alonzo Harris: To be truly effective, a good narcotics agent must know and love narcotics. In fact, a good narcotics agent should have narcotics in his blood.
Jake Hoyt: Are you gonna smoke that?
Alonzo Harris: No, you are.
Jake Hoyt: [laughs] Hell if I am.
Alonzo Harris: You not gon' smoke it?
Jake Hoyt: Naw, man. I became a narc to rid the streets of dopers, not to be one.
Alonzo Harris: Come on, man, take a hit.
Jake Hoyt: Naw, man.
Alonzo Harris: [Slams brakes] Yeah, right. If I was a drug dealer, you'd be dead by now, motherfucker. You turn shit down on the streets, and the chief brings your wife a crisply folded flag. What the fuck's wrong with you? Talking about - You know what? I don't want you in my unit. I don't even want you in my division. Get the fuck out the car. Go back to the Valley, rookie.
Jake Hoyt: All right, I'll smoke it.
Roger: You figure that joke out, you'll figure the streets out.
Alonzo Harris: There ain't nothing to figure out, that's just some senseless bullshit. Don't listen to him.
Jake Hoyt: You know, I already figured 'em out.
Alonzo Harris: Really?
Roger: You already figured the streets out.
Jake Hoyt: It's all about smiles and cries.
Alonzo Harris: Put the drink down, man, the motherfuckers out of his mind.
Roger: Hold on, Alonzo, hold on. Smiles and cries, smiles and cries, I hear ya.
Jake Hoyt: Yeah. You gotta control your smiles and cries, because that's all you have and nobody can take that away from you.
Alonzo Harris: You hear that, homey? You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Huh?
Crackhead #1: What you think?
Alonzo Harris: They got room for you at the booty house, you ever been to the booty house. Big boys have you grab you ankles...
Crackhead #1: Suck my dick, bitch. I know people.
Alonzo Harris: That's how it starts. What about you, my man? Where's yo' horn?
Crackhead #2: I ain't got nothin' on me, man.
Alonzo Harris: You sure?
Crackhead #2: Yeah, man.
Alonzo Harris: You got money, though.
[pulls out crack]
Alonzo Harris: Ooohh, you lied to me, you lied to me. Lucky I don't make you eat that, dawg.
[steps on crack]
Alonzo: [after killing Roger and shooting Jeff] It's not what you know, it's what you can prove. Mark and Paul, you kicked the door down. Jeff's the first one through. Roger hits Jeff twice.
Alonzo: What's the matter, one go through?
Tim: Yeah, you shot him.
Jeff: You fucking shot me, man!
Alonzo: Don't worry about it. You'll get a medal.
Jeff: Get me an ambulance!
Alonzo: Hey, hey, hey. You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Let me quarterback this thing. Mark, Paul, you kicked the door down. Jeff's the first one through. Roger shoots Jeff twice, bang bang. Our new guy, Hoyt, he's in second. Drops Roger with some fine shotgun work. Now who shot Roger?
Mark: New guy, came in spraying.
Alonzo: Who shot Roger?
Paul: Boot did it.
Alonzo: What did you guys see?
Tim: Hoyt blasted him.
Jeff: Hey, fuck Hoyt, all right? Ambulance time!
Alonzo: Done. Paul, call 'em up.
Paul: 11-49-98 Shots fired. Officer down. Repeat. Officer down. 5951 Baxter Street.
Alonzo Harris: But, I don't believe you. You tapped that ass, didn't you. C'mon, tell the truth, you know you tapped that ass. You put her in the backseat, BAM. Code-X.
Jake Hoyt: Look man, I got a wife.
Alonzo Harris: You got a dick. You do have a dick, don't you? Okay, the dick lines up straight like that right? To the right of it and to the left of it are pockets, right? In those pockets are money. Look in either one of 'em, pay the bill.
Jake Hoyt: Now, listen to me, that girl was being raped. I saw these two fuckin' drug addicts attacking her, and I stopped 'em...
Smiley: You lie to me.
Jake Hoyt: I would - not - lie to you...
Smiley: Don't lie to me! - Don't lie to me!
Jake Hoyt: I swear to God. She was being raped, and I stopped 'em, man. And please man, I got a little kid...
Moreno: Shut the fuck up, faggot.
Sniper: Blast his ass, homes.
Jake Hoyt: I have - a little girl.
Alonzo: Today's a training day, Officer Hoyt. Show you around, give you a taste of the business. I got 38 cases pending trial, 63 in active investigations, another 250 on the log I can't clear. I supervise five officers. That's five different personalities. Five sets of problems. You can be number six if you act now. But I ain't holding no hands, okay? I ain't baby-sitting. You got today and today only to show me who and what you're made of. You don't like narcotics, get the fuck out of my car. Go get you a nice, pussy desk job, chasing bad checks or something, you hear me?
Newscaster: A Los Angeles Police Department Narcotics officer was killed today serving a high-risk warrant near LAX. An LAPD spokesperson says that Detective Alonzo Harris is survived by his wife and four sons.
Jake Hoyt: [Yanks Alonzo's badge] You don't deserve this.
Alonzo Harris: Why don't you entertain me with some of your bullshit.
Alonzo Harris: Shit, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me.
Alonzo Harris: Its not like I was pointing a gun at your head.
[to Jake Hoyt]
Paul: You're a long way from Starbucks, homey.
Alonzo Harris: Why the long face, Doug? Feds seize your house?
Doug Rosselli: Fuck yourself, Alonzo.
Jake Hoyt: If he's not here, why are we here?
Alonzo Harris: We're here to serve this warrant.
Jake Hoyt: C'mon, man. We can't do that.
Alonzo Harris: Yes, hell we can. We're the police, we can do what the fuck we wanna do.
Jake Hoyt: Shouldn't we go get a real warrant?
Alonzo Harris: We're trying to get shit done. Just stand over there and don't get me killed, all right, new guy?
Alonzo Harris: How you want it, dawg? Closed casket? Remember that fool in the wheelchair? How'd you think he got there?
Alonzo Harris: You wouldn't mind if I have some of your three thousand dollar-a-glass shit there, would you?
Jake Hoyt: That is the second time you have pointed a gun at me, there will not be a third.
Alonzo Harris: One time. What's up Bone?
Bone: What's up, Alonzo? - What's happenin' with you, Damu?
Alonzo Harris: It's all good.
Bone: I wanna tell you man: I appreciate what you did for my nephew, that's some real shit.
Alonzo Harris: For sure. For sure.
[Alonzo walks away]
Bone: I'm sick of this shit I can't stand that motherfucker.
Alonzo Harris: I had lunch with the Wise Men today. They say you gotta render unto Caesar.
Roger: Fuckin' vampires want my pension!
Alonzo Harris: [Explaining his orders to raid Roger's house] There's nothing I can do about it, you know, I'm just a lowly civil servant.
Roger: Ehhh, you're their bitch!
Jake Hoyt: That's street justice.
Alonzo Harris: What's wrong with street justice?
Jake Hoyt: Oh, what, so just let the animals wipe themselves out, right?
Alonzo Harris: God willing. Fuck 'em, and everybody that looks like 'em.
Alonzo: [on the phone talking to Smiley] Make sure that bathtub is clean, homey.
[Jake gets in car]
Alonzo: It behoves you not to dick around on this one. Justifiable homicide in the line of duty? What happened was...
Jake: What happened was murder... and armed robbery. Wait, we had badges, so it's different?
Alonzo: Open your eyes, son. Can't you see?
Jake: That man was your friend, and you killed him like a fly.
Alonzo: Why is he my friend, because he knows my first name? Roger sold dope to kids. The world is a better place without him. This man was the biggest major violator in Los Angeles. This is the game. I'm playing his ass. That's my job. That's your job. I watched that cocksucker operate with impunity for over 10 years, and now I got him. The shit's chess, it ain't checkers. What, we all of a sudden gonna roll up in a black-and-white? Come on, man, take the money.
Jake: I told you, I'm not gonna take that money.
Alonzo: All right, burn it, barbecue it, fish-fry it, I don't give a fuck. But the boys'll feel better about it.
Jake: Fuck their feelings.
Alonzo: You're not making them feel like you're part of the team.
Jake: The team? You guys are fuckin' insane. All right, I'll go back to the Valley. I'll cut parking tickets. Why does it have to be this way?
Alonzo: I'm sorry I exposed you to it, but it is. It's ugly, but it's necessary... Sometimes you gotta have a little dirt on you for anybody to trust you.
Alonzo: What's happening? You got the picks and shovels?
Mark: You gonna dig a ditch?
Alonzo: Nope. You are. That's a nice suit.
Alonzo: What's going on, killer?
Paul: I can't call it. Been hearing some shit out here on these streets. You all right?
Alonzo: Yeah. I talked to the three wise men today. Everything's all good.
Paul: Shit, you say we can get away with it, I'm with you on that.
[points to Jake]
Paul: Who the fuck is this?
Jake: Jake Hoyt. I'm from Valley Patrol. It's my first day.
Paul: You a long way from Starbucks homey.
Paul: Yo, why the fuck is he in on this?
Alonzo: Gotta get his cherry popped sometime.
Paul: [to Jake] Yo, stay the fuck outta my way. Just for the big dogs, you feel me?
Alonzo: All right. Here's the warrant signed and sealed by the judge, thanks to the Sandman. This guy gives us shit, we're giving him lead. Let's hurry up and do this so we can all go home and do the wife or the girlfriend thing.
[referring to his shotgun]
Alonzo Harris: You know I'm surgical with this bitch, Jake. How do you want it, dog? Closed casket? Remember that fool in the wheelchair? How do you think he got there?
Bone: Jake, go ahead and bounce, homey. Get up out of here. We got your back.
Alonzo Harris: What?
Bone: It's like that.
Alonzo: You gonna bust your cherry killing a cop? You know what you get for that, Jake? The gas chamber. You know what the gas chamber smells like? Pine oil. I'ma send you to a pine oil heaven. I'ma get get that gun and I'ma get that money, and you ain't gon' do shit 'cause you ain't gon' shoot a cop in the back.
Jake: What's here?
Alonzo: Transactions. You see that Salvatrucha zero head sitting on that fence acting like he's not slanging dope? That's my boy. My boy, Neto. The punk's only 17, but he can kill with the best. He's one of mine. He works for me.
Jake: Jesus, he's an informer?
Alonzo: Teammate. I got eyes everywhere. He gets to peddle a little reefer, gets money to take care of the family. He lets me know when big things are going on. Big transactions.
Alonzo: Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Look at that. Sexy ain't it?
Jake: And you trust him?
Alonzo: Damn right I trust him. I sprung his mom from INS detention. Watch this.
[drug deal being made]
Alonzo: You see that hand-to-hand?
Jake: Yeah, I saw it.
Alonzo: When was the last time you did a felony stop?
Jake: Two weeks ago.
Alonzo: Good. You need practice.
Jake: They look like a bunch of college kids.
Alonzo: They'll get their education today. I want the Brady Bunch grabbing glass. I take the front, you take the back.
[Jake picks up radio to call in]
Alonzo: Stay off of the Rover. Let's go.
Alonzo: What's that?
Blue: Motherfucking crack, man.
Alonzo: That's right, Jimmy Crack Corn. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Oh, you're federally fucked now. You got crack... and a gun. You know with your record you can get 10 years per bullet? Now you gon' gimme a name.
Alonzo: That's 10 right there.
Blue: Come on, man. You know I ain't no snitch, man.
Alonzo: I know you ain't no snitch. Gimme a name.
Alonzo: That's 20.
Alonzo: Gimme a name.
Alonzo: That's 30 years. You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home?
Blue: He in the county!
Blue: Nigga named Sandman. That's all the fuck I know,man! Shit!
Alonzo: See how easy that was?
Blue: I'm sick of this shit, man.
Alonzo: You wanna collect the evidence?
Jake: Fuck that.
Alonzo: My nigga.
Blue: I told ya'll I don't work for nobody. Why the fuck are ya'll sweatin' me any mothafuckin' way?
Alonzo: [on the phone talking to Smiley] Make sure that bath tub is clean, homey.
[Jake gets in car]
Alonzo: It behoves you not to dick around on this one. Justifiable homicide in the line of duty? What happened was...
Jake: What happened... was murder... and armed robbery. Wait, we had badges, so it's different?
Alonzo Harris: Oh where, Oh where has my little Jake gone? Oh where, oh where can he be?
Alonzo Harris: Yeah, you dead now. Turn down drugs to a dealer and the police chief is handing your wife a crisp flag. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Moreno: So tell me something. How long have you been a pig, I mean, a police officer?
Jake Hoyt: I've been a pig for 19 months.
Moreno: 19 months? You like it?
Jake Hoyt: I should have been a fireman.
Alonzo Harris: Believe it or not, I do try to do some good in the community.
Alonzo Harris: If I was a dealer, you'd be dead by now.
Jake Hoyt: Hello?
Alonzo Harris: Hoyt?
Jake Hoyt: Yes, sir?
Alonzo Harris: You on your way to roll call?
Jake Hoyt: Yes, sir, I'm on my way out the door right now.
Alonzo Harris: Hoyt.
Jake Hoyt: Yes, sir?
Alonzo Harris: Patrol ferries go to roll call, we don't go to roll call...
Jake Hoyt: OK, that's good to know.
Alonzo Harris: Listen, there's a coffee shop at 7th and Whitman. Be there, ten 'o clock, in civies, comfortable shoes. You got a backup gun? Somethin' pocket size?
Jake Hoyt: Uh, no sir. I got the Department issue Buretta...
Alonzo Harris: Good, good, bring it. Cuffs too. We'll be in the office all day, but who knows? Maybe we'll do some business, we're an aggressive unit.
Jake Hoyt: Uh, yes sir. And that's exactly why I signed up, and I just wanted to thank you...
[Alonzo hangs up]
[referring to his shotgun]
Alonzo Harris: You KNOW I'm surgical with this bitch.
[Hoyt just smoked some weed]
Alonzo Harris: When was the last time you smoked weed?
Jake Hoyt: High school... We were...
Alonzo Harris: Smoking weed.
Jake Hoyt: Right.
Alonzo Harris: Right.
Alonzo Harris: All right, burn it, barbecue it, fish-fry it, I don't give a fuck, but it'll make the boys feel better...
Jake Hoyt: Fuck their feelings.
Alonzo Harris: You're not makin' them feel like you're part of the team.
Jake Hoyt: Team? You guys are fuckin' insane.
Alonzo Harris: Now, whenever you think of pullin' the trigger, you think of him first. 'Cuz if you don't, he'll snatch your fuckin' nuts out and use 'em for dice.
Alonzo Harris: All right, when's the last time you did a felony stop?
Jake Hoyt: Uh, couple weeks ago?
Alonzo Harris: Good, you need practice.
Jake Hoyt: They look like college kids.
Alonzo Harris: They're gonna get their education today. I don't want the Brady Bunch grabbin' glass. You take the back, I'll take the front.
Jake Hoyt: That stuff doesn't fly anymore, man. Shovin' a pen down - what if that guy complains?
Alonzo Harris: To who?
Roger: Here's a joke, boy. One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to shit, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the fuck's your problem?'
Jake Hoyt: That's messed up. That wasn't funny.
Alonzo Harris: Then why are you cackling like a jackal?
Jake Hoyt: I dunno.
Roger: Figure that joke out and you'll figure the streets out.
[Bone is smoking a cigarette with his friends]
Bone: You got business here, Rookie?
Jake Hoyt: I'm here for Alonzo.
Alonzo Harris: Hey, first Damu puts one in his head... I'll make you a rich man.
Bone: You got us twisted, homey. You got to put your own work in around here.
Alonzo Harris: All right, it's like that, Bone ?
Bone: It's like that.
Roger: Hoyt. Hoyt. Hoyt... Strong Saftey. North High. I follow all the good players.
Jake Hoyt: Police Department! Let's see your hands!
Alonzo Harris: Put your hands up! Put 'em up! Put 'em up! Driver, right side passenger, hands on the windshield!
Jake Hoyt: [to female] Rear seat passenger, palms on the glass. Look that way!
Alonzo Harris: Put it in park!
College Driver: Stick shift.
Alonzo Harris: Take your keys out and throw 'em in the window. Take your keys out and throw 'em in the window.
Male College Passenger: I'm sorry.
Alonzo Harris: [to front passenger] Shut up! Too late for that.
Alonzo Harris: Fork it over!
College Driver: What are you talking about?
Alonzo Harris: You know what I'm talking about. The marijuana. Give it to me! Give it to me!
[to front passenger]
Alonzo Harris: Gimme that pipe underneath your seat.
Male College Passenger: My mom gave it to me.
Alonzo Harris: I don't care who gave it to you. She can pick it up in jail. What else you got? C'mon, c'mon, gimme, gimme, gimme.
[female removes hands from glass]
Alonzo Harris: [to Jake] Hey, control your suspect!
Jake Hoyt: Miss, palms on the glass!
Alonzo Harris: [to female] You move those hands again, I'll slap the taste out of your mouth. Put your hands over there. Right there.
Alonzo Harris: Now what are you doing out here? You know this is a gang neighborhood?
College Driver: Yeah.
Alonzo Harris: Then don't come down here again. I catch you down here again, I'ma take your vehicle. I'ma make you walk home. I'ma let the homeboys up the hill run a train on your girlfriend. You know what a train is, don't you?
College Driver: Yeah.
Alonzo Harris: All right, thanks for your cooperation.
Alonzo Harris: Let's go. Safe your iron, son.
Male College Passenger: Shit!
Jake: [Telling Alonzo a story] There was a DUI stop.
Alonzo Harris: A DUI stop, let me load up my guns a DUI stop, OH SHIT!
Jake: Listen man, its a good one, we were on watch.
Alonzo Harris: We?
Jake: Me and Debbie, my training officer
Alonzo Harris: [Intrigued] You have a female training officer? What was she? Black or White?
Jake: She was white
Alonzo Harris: Liquor License?
Jake: A what?
Alonzo Harris: "A Liquor License", was she a dyke? A lesbian?
Jake: I don't know.
Alonzo Harris: Was she good looking?
Jake: Yeah, pretty good.
Jake: [Telling Alonzo a story] It was a quiet night we were rolling on Van Nuys I'm driving this Acura comes out a side street all over the median in excess I light it up hit the whaler guy drives on like I'm invisible for ten blocks before he pulls over plates were unclean so I'm watching from our unit and she's tossing the Acura she calls me over to the vehicle a snub 38 two shotguns fully loaded so she calls our supervisor and I keep searching and I find five hundred grams of meth turns out this DUI is on bail for distribution and is on his way to smoke his ex-partner before trial so we prevented a murder.