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(1999)

Quotes

Victor Sr.: You know what wakes me up in the middle of the night covered in a cold sweat? Knowing that you aren't any worse than anyone else in your whole screwed up generation. In the old days, you know how you got to the top? Huh? By being better than the guy ahead of you. How do you people get to the top? By being so fucking incompetent, that the guy ahead of you can't do his job, so he falls on his ass and congratulations, you are now on top. And now the top is down here, it used to be up here... and you don't even know the fucking difference.

Claire: Gay men are so hot. It's tragic.

Ronna: I need a favor.

Todd: Wow, I didn't know we'd become such good friends, because if we had, you'd know that I give head before I give favors and I don't even give my best friends head so your chances of getting a favor are pretty fucking slim.

Todd: Ronna, I just gave you a favor.

Ronna: And here I thought you just gave me head.

Tiny: Yo, I told you, my mother's mother's mother was black!

Marcus: Your mother's mother's mother, f*** - this ain't "Roots", mutha... Man, I wanna see a picture of this Nubian princess. If you were any less black, you would be clear.

Zack: It really didn't go as bad as it could have.

Adam: A girl is dead, Zack.

Zack: I didn't say it went perfectly.

[Referring to the Family Circus comic strip]

Todd: And it's always there, in the lower right hand corner, just waiting to suck.

[Selling allergy medicine as drugs]

Ronna: You know what makes it even better? If you take like a lot of pot with it. I mean like, like a lot of pot.

Simon Baines: He's a good guy.

Marcus: Oh, he's the good drug dealer.

[Adam and Zack are in the rain trying to make space in their trunk to put a body in it]

Zack: Wait! Stop! Hold it!

Adam: What? What?

Zack: It's a Miata!

Stringy Haired Woman: Don't think you're something you're not. I used to have your job.

Ronna: Look how far it got you.

Adam: Is it safe to have a radio attached to my balls like this?

Zack: [after being asked by Burke to sell Confederated Products] Uhh, wait. Wait. You want us to sell Amway?

Burke: It's Confederated Products. It's a different company, it's a different quality of product.

[Claire and Todd are having breakfast together, and he's reading the funnies in the newspaper]

Claire: So, what do you have against The Family Circus?

Todd: Okay. You sit down and read your paper, and you're enjoying your entire two-page comics spread. Right? And then there's the Family fucking Circus, bottom right-hand corner, just waiting to suck.

[last lines]

Mannie: So, what are we doing for New Year's?

Singh: Just so we're clear, you stole a car, shot a bouncer, and had sex with two women?

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Todd: You come to me out of the blue, asking to buy 20 hits. Just so happens that 20 being the magic number at which intent to sell becomes trafficking!

Ronna: Todd, I would never fuck you like that.

Todd: How would you fuck me?

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Marcus: If you were any less black, you'd be clear.

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Burke: I just want to make a deal. Can we make a deal?

Ronna: Who the hell are you? Monty Hall?

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Zack: Let's think about this logically. She's either alive, or she's dead.

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Ronna: I could leave something with you. Collateral.

Todd: I already got a fuckin' Swatch.

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Simon Baines: They can't evict you on Christmas! Then you'd be ho-ho-homeless!

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Marcus: Are you happy now? Is your British ass happy?

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[after the wild night]

Mannie: So... what are we doing for New Years?

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Todd: What do you want for Christmas, Claire?

Claire: ...I don't know.

Todd: You wanna get laid?

Claire: No.

Todd: No, you don't wanna get laid, or no, you do, but you don't wanna get laid - with me?

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Tiny: Her contact lens. it's stuck on the end of my dick

Marcus: Was it hard or soft?

Tiny: What, my dick?

Singh: The contact lens

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Claire: You're making me an accessory!

Ronna: Okay Claire, that bracelet of mine you're wearing, that's an accessory.

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[Claire walks out of the apartment - a gunshot is heard from the apartment - she freezes]

Simon Baines: [from the apartment] It's alright. I'm okay.

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Marcus: I'm not a bathroom attendant!

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Todd: Hey Ronna, how are sales?

Ronna: Todd, I can explain

Todd: I'm not going to ask you to. It's not like I'm in a highly ethical industry. But Goddamned, Ronna. You fucked me over for twenty lousy hits!

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[after being asked by Burke to sell the Amway-like Confederated Products]

Zack: I need to bathe in sin.

Adam: With me, or one of your other boyfriends?

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Victor Sr.: Let's gut this motherfucker!

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Ronna: [before selling baby aspirin to a party-goer] Show me your tits.

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[while escaping from Victor Sr. and Junior Jr]

Tiny: WHO DA FUCK WE RUNNIN' FROM?

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Marcus: Get away from me! You're bad luck!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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