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The Road to El Dorado (2000) Poster

Quotes

Chel: Oh, then I suppose you'll be wanting these back?

[produces dice in her hand]

Tulio: [pats pockets, shocked] Hey... how'd you get those?

Miguel: [raising eyebrows] WHERE was she KEEPING them?

Miguel: You fight like my sister!

Tulio: I've fought your sister. That's a compliment.

Miguel: Look! El Dorado! The city of gold! This could be our destiny! Our fate!

Tulio: Miguel, if I believed in fate, I wouldn't be playing with loaded dice.

[Miguel and Tulio are stranded in the boat, together with Altivo]

Miguel: Tulio, did you ever imagine it would end like this?

Tulio: The horse is a surprise...

Miguel: Any... regrets?

Tulio: You mean besides dying? Yeah. I never... had enough... gold.

Miguel: My regret, besides dying is... our greatest adventure is over before it began, and no one will even remember us.

Tulio: Well, if it's any consolation, Miguel, you... made my life... an adventure.

Miguel: And if it's any consolation, Tulio, you made my life... rich.

[Tzekel-Kan is about to perform a human sacrifice]

Tulio: [in an undertone to Miguel] I don't like this.

Miguel: Tulio, we've got to do something!

[Tzekel-Kan raises his axe]

Tulio: Stop! This is not a proper tribute!

[Miguel catches the intended victim and drags him away from the cliff edge]

Tzekel-Kan: [confused] You do not want the tribute?

Miguel: No no, we want tribute, it's just that, um... Tulio, tell him.

Tulio: The stars are not in position for this tribute!

Miguel: Like he said! Stars!... Can't do it... Not today.

Miguel: Altivo! Hey, Altivo! You want the nice apple? Come and get it! But, you have to do a trick for me first! All you have to do, is find a pry bar. It's a long piece of metal with a hooky thing at the end.

Tulio: Miguel, you're talking to a horse!

Miguel: Yes, that's it Altivo. Find the pry bar!

Tulio: Yes, "find the pry bar". He doesn't understand "pry bar"! He's a dumb horse, there's no way he could understand...

[Altivo drops keys into the brig]

Tulio: Well... it's *not* a pry bar.

Tuilo: All right. Here's the plan. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those... one of those longboats... and then, we... row back to Spain like there's no mañana!

Miguel: [pauses] Back to Spain, yeah?

Tuilo: Yeah.

Miguel: [uncertainly] In... a rowboat.

Tuilo: Yeah!

Miguel: [sarcastically] Great. Sensational. That's your plan, is it?

Tuilo: That's... pretty much it, yeah.

Miguel: [delighted] Well, I like it! So, how do we get on deck?

Tuilo: [pauses, deep breath] In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those... longboats...

Cortes: My crew was chosen as carefully as the Disciples of Christ, and I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged. And when we put in to Cuba to resupply, *God willing*, you will be flogged some more. And then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig!

Miguel: All right! Cuba.

Miguel: I am Miguel.

Tulio: And I am Tulio.

[They dismount, Miguel's foot gets tangled in the reins]

Miguel: And they call us Miguel and Tulio!

Miguel: Pff! What makes you think we need your help?

Chel: [imitating Miguel] Kkh Kkh! Are you serious?

[Altivo the horse starts laughing]

Tulio: The little voice, remember? Just imagine for a moment that you have one. Now, what would it be saying about Chel?

Miguel: Um...

[purrs]

Chel: [Frantic] Oh! Oh, no, no, no. The High Priest! What is he gonna think when he sees one of the Gods like this with me?

Tulio: [Dazed] Uhh... Lucky god?

Miguel: Tulio! Tulio, we've done it!

Tulio: Is that the map?

Miguel: It's all right here!

Tulio: You *still* have the *map*?

Miguel: The whistling rock! The stream!

Tulio: You kept the map but you couldn't manage to grab a little more FOOD?

Miguel: Even those mountains! You said it yourself, it could be possible, and it is! It really *is* the map to El Dorado!

[pause]

Tulio: You drank sea water, didn't you?

Miguel: We'll follow that trail!

Tulio: What trail?

Miguel: [chopping at vines with sword] The trail that we blaze!

[the vines fall down revealing a solid wall of rock; long pause]

Miguel: [pointing] THAT trail that we blaze...

Tulio: Any last words?

Miguel: I will cut you to ribbons!

Tulio: Fool! Such mediocrity! Let your *sword* do the talking!

Miguel: I will, it will be loquacious to a fault!

Tulio: Miguel and Tulio!

Miguel: Tulio and Miguel!

[Together]

Miguel: Mighty and powerful Gods!

Chel: Hello.

[both squeal]

Tulio: What's happening here?

Miguel: We're both in barrels. That's the extent of my knowledge.

Tzekel-Kan: I know what you are, and I know what you are not. And you are *not* Gods!

Tulio: You're not a God? You lied to me? How dare you!

Miguel: [to Tzekel-Kan] Hey, it was *his* stupid plan!

Tulio: *My* plan was that we should *lie low*! But *your* plan was to run off! And be all, "Oh, look at me, look at me, I'm a God!"

Miguel: That's not true!

Tulio: No? Who are you kidding? You're buying your own con!

Miguel: At least I'm not *dating* mine!

Tulio: I...! Oo, low blow. Listen, mister high-and-mighty, we'd both be sailing out of here with a mountain of gold if you had *just listened* to me!

Miguel: Well, now you have all the precious gold *and* Chel! So what do you need *me* for?

[pushes Tulio]

Tulio: [pushing back] Well, maybe I *don't* need you anymore!

Miguel: Fine! So why don't you just *go* back to Spain, and I'll stay here, and we'll *both* get what *we* want!

Tulio: That's fine with me, pal!

Miguel: *Fine* with me too!

Tulio: Fine!

TulioMiguel: All RIGHT!

[they both punch Tzekel-kan]

Tulio: [sighs] Well, it was nice working with you, partner.

Miguel: Tulio, I just want you to know... I'm sorry about that girl in Barcelona.

Tulio: Miguel wake up. We found it!

Miguel: We did? Where?

Tulio: Here.

Miguel: What, behind the rock?

Tulio: Nope, here.

Miguel: But, but... *give* me that!

[snatches the map from Tulio's hands]

Miguel: I... this... can't be...

Tulio: Apparently, "El Dorado" is native for... GREAT... BIG... ROCK!

[echo: Rock... rock... rock... ]

Tulio: But I'll tell you what: I'm feeling generous today, so *you* can have *my* share!

Miguel: You don't think that... that Cortes could've gotten here before us and... and...

Tulio: And what? Taken all the *really* big rocks? The SCOUNDREL!

Miguel: Tulio! We... we've got to think about this, I... I mean we come all this way and...

Tulio: Get... on... the horse!

[Miguel sighs and makes a pitiful face]

Tulio: No, no, no, not with the face. Stop.

Chel: Hello...

Tulio: Get back mortal!

Miguel: Beware the wrath of the Gods! Be Gone! Kkh kkh!

Tulio: Back mortal, before we strike you with a lightning bolt!

Chel: [calmly] Save it for the High Priest, honey, you're gonna need it.

Miguel: You don't think... Cortes could have got here before us and...

Tulio: And what? Taken all the *really* big rocks? The scoundrel!

Tulio: Come on, baby! Papa needs that crappy map!

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Tulio: Do you mind?

Chel: No.

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[Tulio is banging his head against the wall in the brig]

Miguel: So how's the, uh... how's the escape plan coming?

[Tulio stops banging his head]

Tulio: Wait! I'm getting something!

[pauses, then goes back to banging his head on the wall]

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Tulio: [In a rowboat, about to be run over] Holy Ship!

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[after seeing a skeleton on the beach]

Tulio: All in favor of getting back in the boat, say aye.

Miguel: Aye!

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Tulio: Miguel, you know that little voice people have that tells them to quit when they're ahead? You don't have one!

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Tulio: We are working a con, walking the razor's edge. On one side, gold. On the other side...

[gestures at mural of human sacrifice]

Tulio: ... painful, agonizing failure!

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Tulio: I'm not sure I can trust you.

Chel: I'm not really asking you to trust me, am I?

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Tulio: Look, change of plans. We have to grab what we can and go.

Miguel: What? Why?

Tulio: Because the High Priest is NUTS!

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Tulio: I will give you the honor of a quick and painless death.

[Grabs tiny dagger, looks at it]

Tulio: But not with that.

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Miguel: Tulio, you worry too much.

Tulio: No, I worry exactly the right amount. You can never worry too much!

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Tulio: Miguel, he's a ruthless war-horse, not a poodle!

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Tulio: Wait a minute, new plan: we find the city of gold, we *take* the gold, and THEN we row back to Spain!

Miguel: And buy Spain!

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Tzekel-Kan: [Chel and Tulio are giggling] My Lord? Hello?

Tulio: Whoa!

Chel: Oh no no the high priest what is he going to think when he sees a god with me?

Tulio: Uh, Lucky god?

Chel: Go go go

[she grabs him and starts smacking his face and then she pushes him up]

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Tulio: Your horse bit me in the butt!

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Miguel: [trying to make up an excuse why the ship needs to be redone] I have BEEN around boats, believe me! And that, uhm, the... pointy, tall... uhm... the long up and down thingy...

Chief: The mast?

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Chel: Go ahead, I'll cover for you.

Miguel: Oh, good! Thanks.

[Tries to step outside without Tulio noticing]

Miguel: So, what happened to Altivo?

Chel: I don't know.

[Miguel takes off. Tulio walks past Chel singing]

Tulio: ...Hey. What happened to Miguel?

Chel: I don't know.

Tulio: Oh my God! He's gone! Miguel's gone, he's loose! What am I gonna do!

[throws himself on the couch]

Tulio: Ah, oh-ho no, no!

[sobs]

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Tulio: Apparently, "El Dorado" is native for... GREAT... BIG... ROCK!

[echo]

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[the natives are throwing the gold over the cliff]

Tulio: Uh, Chel... what are they doing?

Chel: [exasperated] They're sending it to Xibalba! The spirit world!

Tulio: Spirit... world...

Chel: I'll take care of it.

[sidling up to the Chief]

Chel: Uh, Chief? The gods have changed their minds about Xibalba. They wish to bask in the glory that has been shown them.

Chief: STOP!

[the natives stop; a gold plate rolls toward the cliff and Tulio stops it with his foot]

Chief: They wish to bask! Take the tribute to the gods' temple!

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[Tulio, Miguel and Altivo have finally, after much effort, all gotten into the rowboat and avoided getting run over by any of the ships]

Tulio: Did any of the supplies make it?

Miguel: Um, well, yes and no.

[Tulio looks: Altivo is eating the few supplies that did make it]

Tulio: Oh, great!

Miguel: Hey, Tulio, look on the positive side: at least things can't get...

[a thunder clap. It starts pouring rain]

Tulio: Excuse me, were you about to say "worse"?

Miguel: No.

Tulio: No? You're sure?

Miguel: Definitely not, I'm going to revise that whole thing.

Tulio: Yeah. We are at least in a rowboat.

Miguel: We are in a rowboat.

[the boat drifts away to reveal the sharks following it]

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Cortes: My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ, and I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged, and when we put into Cuba to resupply, God willing you will be flogged some more. And then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig.

Miguel: Alright! Cuba!

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Narrator: Somewhere out of the blue/ in a crowded street/ or a deserted square/ I'll turn and I'll see you/ as if we always knew/ That someday we could start again someday soon.

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Miguel: Oh, come on!

Tulio: I'm not coming on!

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Tulio: What is the object of this game *pray tell*?

Chel: You gotta knock the ball through the hoop.

Miguel: What hoop?

Chel: *That* hoop.

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Miguel: [quietly, obviously hurting, to himself] Forget Miguel? Well... forget Tulio.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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