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Olatz López Garmendia
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A pair of shuttle astronauts leave their spacecraft to repair a satellite. There's an explosion. NASA loses contact for two minutes, but the both are rescued and safely returned to Earth. Eventually it becomes evident that neither of the astronauts is quite the same. Written by
Move over "Plan 9 From Outer Space." You've got company.
This movie is simply atrocious. In fact, comparing it to "Plan 9..." is actually an insult to the memory of Ed Wood. Unlike Wood's movies, this isn't even enjoyable on a "so bad it's good" basis. "The Astronaut's Wife" is just so bad it's bad.
Johnny Depp, in the biggest mistake of his life, plays the too, too perfect astronaut husband of Charlize Theron. Depp never utters one line of sincere dialogue in the entire movie. Instead he wanders around like a zombie stopping every once in a while to say something oh so romantic to his wife.
Theron fares even worse. One moment she is playing the whimpering wife; the next she is barking out orders. ("Then take me to someone who can!" is one of the worst lines of dialogue I have ever heard.) It would be nice to blame all of Theron's ineptness in this movie to bad writing and directing, but I fear there is another reason. Behind that incredible beauty is a woman who simply doesn't know how to act.
I could go on blasting this movie, but why bother? Just remember this fair warning: Next time you're in the video store and you see this movie on the shelf, don't be fooled. You may really like science fiction, you may love Johnny Depp and Charlize Theron, but leave this turkey on the shelf. Let it slowly decompose and go back to wherever it came from.
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