Blackadder: The Cavalier Years (1988 TV Short)
Baldrick: I have a cunning plan to save the king.
Edmund Blackadder: Ha! Well forgive me if a don't do a cartwheel of joy; your family's history in the department of cunning planning is about as impressive as Stumpy O'Leg McNolegs' personal best in the Market Harborough marathon.
Edmund Blackadder: Baldrick, your brain is like the four-headed, man-eating haddock fish-beast of Aberdeen.
Baldrick: In what way?
Edmund Blackadder: It doesn't exist.
Edmund Blackadder: Oh damn! One measly civil war in the entire history of England and I'm on the wrong bloody side!
Edmund Blackadder: We will enter a hideous age of Puritanism. They'll close all the theaters... lace handkerchiefs for men will be illegal... and I won't be able to find a friendly face to sit on this side of Boulogne!
Edmund Blackadder: Shut up, with the greatest respect, your Majesty.
Edmund Blackadder: Sire, this is a matter of life and death!
King Charles I: Nonsense Blackadder, I don't think there is a jury in England that would bring in a verdict of guilty against me.
[knocking, a guard enters]
Guard: Your majesty, the verdict of the jury.
[hands Blackadder a document and exits]
King Charles I: So, what does it say? Guilty or not guilty?
Edmund Blackadder: [reads the document] I'll give you two guesses.
King Charles I: Not guilty.
Edmund Blackadder: One more guess.
Edmund Blackadder: Shut up, with the deepest respect, your Highness!
Edmund Blackadder: The Earl he had a thousand sovereigns, hey-nonny-no / He gave them all to the man with the ax-oh...
King Charles I: Wait a minute - that voice has a familiar ring! And so does that finger!
[a man concealed in a brown robe reveals himself]
King Charles I: Blackadder, you're disguised as a priest! How dangerously stupid and perverted. It's just like school!
Edmund Blackadder: Your head is as empty as a eunuch's underpants.