Goodness Gracious Me (1998–2014)
[In an English restaurant in India. Ordering some food]
Indian man 1: . For starter we shall have 6... no 12 bread rolls. For main course everybody?
Indian Man 2: What's the blandest thing on the menu?
James the Waiter: The scampi's our specialty sir.
Indian Man 2: I'll have that.
[a Buddhist, from Rat Killing Company, comes home to a woman to get rid of her mice, but instead he sits down on the floor and closes his eyes]
Woman: So what do you use then; poison?
Buddhist: Poison - no poison.
Woman: Oh, you are going to smoke them out.
Buddhist: Smoke - no smoke.
Woman: Then how are you going to kill them?
Biddhist: Kill? Buddha teaches us, that we are all clever human beings. We don't have to kill.
Woman: Well, how are you going to get rid of them then?
Buddhist: I intend to make them think about their actions.
Butler: May I take your hat, sir?
Dennis Cooper: No, buy your own.
[talking to an elderly, ethnic man in a crowded place outdoors]
Reporter: How would you describe the condition in the refugee camp?
Mr. Isaq: What refugee camp?
Reporter: Well, *this* refugee camp.
Mr. Isaq: This is my family picnic.
[Rings on a door]
The Guru Maharishi Yogi: Hello, do you want to be a Hindu?
Woman: Yes, I have always wanted to become a Hindu.
The Guru Maharishi Yogi: Well, you can't! Have a nice day!