It's five days to Christmas and the Scunner only has half a mince pie. So he has to take a job as a department store Santa. Meanwhile Supergran is trying to get down on his luck circus owner Sid Scouse back into the limelight.
On the day of the annual Chistleton treasure hunt, Insp. Muggins has decided that it is Unlucky Luciano's loot that is to be troved. But the Scunner is after a different treasure: the eggs of the all but extinct flying Diplodocus.
Dreaming of a life as a RAF hero, the Scunner and his palls sign up for 25 years in the Highland Laddies Regiment. But at the training ground there is not a single airplane in sight. Back in Chisleton, life just isn't the same for Supergran without the Scunner.
The Dutches of Claridge is visiting Chisleton on PC Rupert Leekie's birthday. The Scunner forces himself into the job of 'General'. Unfortunately there is a bit of a mix-up. The Scunner and the police give a royal reception to compulsive kleptomaniac Hatty the Hat at Chisleton Metro, while the actual Dutches gets no reception at all at Chisleton station. So Supergran travels to Royalton in the Skimmer to find out for sure.
Supergran is invited to Empress Rita von Chisleton's annual fancy dress party, but the Scunner isn't. But when a lot of stolen dresses ends up at the party by mistake, the Scunner and his boys get to dress up after all.
The Scunner Campbell comes into money when he claims to be the rightful heir to Roderick of Roderick, Great Sporran of the Isles. But to prove his worth, he has to spend the night in the haunted wing of Roderick's castle - on Halloween.