Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999)
Leigh Ann Watson: It's completely factual, she was burned at the stake.
Mrs. Tingle: Always the victim, aren't we, Ms. Watson?
Leigh Ann Watson: Well there are certain similarities between society today and seventeenth century Salem. I guess that would be the irony of it all.
Mrs. Tingle: Irony is the opposite of what is or might be expected. For example, if Ms. Watson was expecting an A on her history project, she might find the actual result to be rather ironic.
Mrs. Tingle: Mr. Churner? Dare I even ask?
[Luke rises from his desk, walks up to the front of the classroom and places a rock on Mrs. Tingle's desk]
Luke Churner: Plymouth Rock.
Mrs. Tingle: Your work, Mr. Churner, reminds me of a student that sat in that same seat some 20 years ago. He, too, had "No future" printed on him... Do give your father my best.
Principal Potter: I was thinking...
Mrs. Tingle: No, don't do that Mr. Potter, we still prefer that bristling wind effect you have on us.
Mrs. Tingle: Oh, by the way... happy birthday.
Principal Potter: It's not my birthday Mrs Tingle.
Mrs. Tingle: No, not your natal birthday, the AA one. You've been sober, how long is it now?
Principal Potter: Four years
Mrs. Tingle: There! I knew it was this week. Me and dates, you know, that's the curse of being a history teacher. Well congratulations, that's quite an accomplishment. Just think, not one sip of alcohol in over four years, that's almost... unbelievable
[after accidentally firing a crossbow and nearly killing the teachers pet]
Mrs. Tingle: Don't tease us, Mr. Berry. When you shoot, make it count.
Brian Berry: It wasn't... I-I mean-I didn't think that...
Mrs. Tingle: No, because that would require a cerebrum, and a few other missing parts.
Miss Banks: That was Mrs. Tingle. She's sick with the flu. She sounded really bad.
Principal Potter: She hasn't been sick since-In fact, I don't think she's ever been sick.
Miss Banks: Do you think it's serious?
Principal Potter: God I hope so.
Mrs. Tingle: The smartest girl in school caught cheating, it will be scandalous.
Leigh Ann Watson: Oh, Mrs. Tingle, threats are a sign of weakness.
Mrs. Tingle: You present yourself with such self-assured tenacity, but your fear shows around the edges. You can do better.
Jo Lynn Jordan: We're trying, Mrs. Tingle. Work with us.
Leigh Ann Watson: What's the matter Mrs. Tingle? Getting scared yourself?
Mrs. Tingle: Oh no! Ms. Watson, things are just starting to get fun.
Mrs. Tingle: Haven't you learned by now that history always repeats itself?
Principal Potter: Mrs. Tingle, I have waited twenty years to tell you this. You're fired.
Leigh Ann Watson: I am not scared of you.
Mrs. Tingle: Who do you think you're fooling? You're so scared I can smell it. Your fear is the most predictable thing about you. You've lived your whole life in fear. Terrified of making a mistake; Scared to death you won't get that A, that ticket out. Afraid you'll never escape your mother and her name tag. Or your father who won't return your calls. Thats why you shunned Luke and every other boy who has ever tried to put his hands on you. You're afraid of getting that bad seed. Afraid of giving birth to a child you never wanted. A child you could only blame for your own wretched existance. Stuck in a small town with a small name. Destined to become that very thing you despise the most. I know all about it, Leigh Ann. I wrote the book! I know you.
Mrs. Tingle: Luke's a man, Jo Lynn. He'll always pursue that which is unobtainable. It's in his nature.
Mrs. Tingle: The role of savior does not suit mediocrity, Mr. Churner.