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Edtv (1999) Poster

(1999)

Quotes

Whitaker: One more word out of you, Cynthia, and you're fired.

Cynthia: Oh, and which word would that be? Asshole? Shithead?

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Bill Maher: Okay, since we have Ray Pekurny on the panel today, we thought we'd talk to him about his book. It is called "My Brother Pissed On Me." Is that a metaphorical title or did he really piss on you?

Ray Pekurny: I put it- I put it in the book.

Bill Maher: Okay, then. Well, I'll be honest, I haven't read it, because, frankly, it sounds kind of stupid.

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Ray Pekurny: You know, how many chances do guys like you and I get?

Ed: I don't know.

Ray Pekurny: That's right, you don't know.

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Cynthia: We don't even have money in our budget for coffee filters. We're using a yarmulke!

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Ken: Of course I stopped payment on the plugs, you gave me DOLL'S hair!

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John: Look, Ed, you put *anybody* on television sixteen hours a day, and sooner or later they're going to fall off a table and land on a cat.

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Panel member: A joyous celebration of boobery, that's what it is.

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[talking about Ed's dad]

Ed: He cheated on you?

Ed's mother: Well, he had medical problems, he said the woman he was with was a nurse.

Ed: And you believed him!

Ed's mother: Well, she had white shoes.

Ed: So does Grandma! So does Sahquille O-Neil!

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Al: I'm gonna go take a piss. Wish me luck.

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Ed Pekurny: Where's Ma?

Al: She's in the kitchen. I'd yell for her but... I'd die.

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Al: How about sex?

Ed: I'm sorry, Al, but I'm gonna have to pass. And it's not an age thing, 'cause you are still a handsome man.

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Shari: He is a bad lay. And I mean *bad*.

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Whitaker: Cynthia, another word, and you may consider yourself fired.

Cynthia: Uh-oh. Can you gimme a hint? What word? Uh, *asshole*? *Shithead*? Is that - I bet that - is that one word or two though? I never can remember that. Shithead.

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Al: Don't blame your mother, I was irresistible!

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