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Bowfinger (1999) Poster

(1999)

Quotes

Kit: White boys always get the Oscar. It's a known fact. Did I ever get a nomination? No! You know why? Cause I hadn't played any of them slave roles, and get my ass whipped. That's how you get the nomination. A black dude who plays a slave that gets his ass whipped gets the nomination, a white guy who plays an idiot gets the Oscar. That's what I need, I need to play a retarded slave, then I'll get the Oscar.

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Kit: It's too cerebral! We're trying to make a movie here, not a film!

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Robert K. Bowfinger: She had the personality of a ZIP code in Kansas.

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Robert K. Bowfinger: We're finished! It's over between us!

Daisy: But why?

Robert K. Bowfinger: You slept with Jiff.

Daisy: So?

Robert K. Bowfinger: You know, I never thought about it that way.

Daisy: So I'll see you tonight?

Robert K. Bowfinger: What time?

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Kit: Go call Arnold and Sly, and Jackie Chan and Van Damme, and tell them the spearchucker said hello!

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Robert K. Bowfinger: ...but what are some of your favorite TV shows?

Daisy: I love the Flintstones.

Robert K. Bowfinger: Oh I love the Flintstones too, that's so good, do you like that? Now, okay, do you like walks in the park?

Daisy: In the rain!

Robert K. Bowfinger: Oh God, you know what, I want you to see the Music Man, because...

Daisy: I've seen that! I love the Music Man!

Robert K. Bowfinger: Isn't Robert Preston good?

Daisy: He's so good! Do you LOVE Smashing Pumpkins?

Robert K. Bowfinger: Are you kid - I LOVE to do that!

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[Interviewing Jiff for the movie]

Robert K. Bowfinger: Would you be willing to cut your hair?

Jiff Ramsey: Well, yeah, but it would probably be better if someone else did it. I've had a few... accidents.

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Robert K. Bowfinger: This film is only for Madagascar and Iran, neither of which follow American copyright law.

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Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happy premise #1.

Kit: Happy premise #1: There are no aliens.

Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happy premise #2.

Kit: Happy premise #2: There is no giant foot trying to squash me.

Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: Happy premise #3.

Kit: Happy premise #3: Even though I feel like I might ignite, I probably won't.

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Kit's Agent: This is a great script! Look, it's not Shakespeare, but it...

Kit: Hey, what did you just say?

Agent: I said, 'it's not Shakespeare'...

Kit: 'It's not Shake... ', 'It's not Shake... ' (to Freddy) Do you hear what he's doing?

Freddy: I know he's doing something, I just can't put my finger on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah... What's he doing?

Kit: Shakespeare, Freddy, Shakespeare!

Freddy: Shakespeare?

Kit: Shake a spear! Spearchucker! I'm a spearchucker now!

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[first lines]

Robert K. Bowfinger: Wow. Great script. Great script!

[to his dog]

Robert K. Bowfinger: Betsy? It's now or never. We are gonna make a movie.

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Robert K. Bowfinger: We need a guy with a fabulous ass! And mine is the wrong color!

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Robert K. Bowfinger: Think of this as an errand. Your errand is to run across the freeway until I yell, "Cut!"

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[on filming an actor without his giving permission to be filmed]

Robert K. Bowfinger: Did you know Tom Cruise had no idea he was in that vampire movie till two years later?

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Robert K. Bowfinger: I'm 49 years old. Admittedly, I could get away with 44, 41, *maybe* 38. But when you hit 50 they don't hire you anymore. It's like they can *smell* 50.

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Carol: I'm not supposed to be doing this, but I just want you to know that you were so real in your response to the aliens. I mean, I wasn't even sure that I could be a pod person, but now I'm enjoyong it because you made the aliens come alive. It was like they were living inside of me! At first I was nervous about us having sex, but now I think it's a good idea, as long as we do it in a professional manner... and of course, there will be a lot of people watching. I won't bother you anymore.

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Robert K. Bowfinger: And why is this going to work? Because Afrim here is a damn fine screenwriter, as well as accountant and part time receptionist. I said to Afrim "If you can write half as well as you can add-" Well I didn't even have to finish my sentence. Twelve days later he hands me this, this masterpiece. Afrim, tell them what it's called.

Afrim: Chubby Rain.

Robert K. Bowfinger: Tell them why!

Afrim: Because when the aliens come down to earth, they come inside raindrops, making the rain chubby. Chubby rain!

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[after seeing Dave's camera which he loaned without permission]

Robert K. Bowfinger: Good camera.

Dave: Yeah. I gotta have it back in every night, or it's a felony. Years you get.

Robert K. Bowfinger: [pats Dave on the shoulder] You'd get.

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Robert K. Bowfinger: See that FedEx truck? Every day it delivers important papers to people all over the world. And one day, it is going to stop here, and a man is going to walk up and casually toss a couple of FedExes on my desk. And at that moment, we - and by we, I mean me - will be important.

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Daisy: I know what's going on. I may be from Ohio, but I'm not from Ohio.

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Robert K. Bowfinger: Yes! We'll be just like Bogey and Bacall!

Daisy: Who?

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Kit: The white man gets all the best catchphrases!

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Robert K. Bowfinger: Now that you and your colleagues here at Mindfu - , head have had a chance to think, what do you say?

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[on the ending of the script Chubby Rain]

Robert K. Bowfinger: I mean, at the end of this movie. When our hero, Keith Kincade, looks up at the alien anteanae and says "Gotcha suckas!"... I mean, that is a moment.

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Dave: But movies cost millions of dollars to make.

Robert K. Bowfinger: That's after gross net deduction profit percentage deferment ten percent of the nut. Cash, every movie cost $2,184.

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Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: And what is it that we don't do?

Kit: Oh, man!

Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: What is it?

Kit: Look, I have to show it to the Laker Girls.

Terry Stricter, MindHead Honcho: You cannot show it to the Laker Girls. I know you want to show it to the Laker Girls but you can never show it to the Laker Girls. Keep Mr Weenie in the pants. Always in the pants.

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Kit: The letter K appears in this script 1,456 times. That's perfectly divisible by 3.

Freddy: So what? So what you saying?

Kit: What am I saying? KKK appears in this script 486 times!

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Robert K. Bowfinger: [of a prolonged kissing scene audition] Let's try it one more time, uh, Slater, this time *without* the erection.

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Kit: [looking around] Hey! Freddy?

Slater: You heard me Kincade, don't act dumb! Where's the plutonium?

Kit: Hey, the plutonium is mine, its been registered for religious purposes!

Slater: [confused] You, you actually have some plutonium?

Robert K. Bowfinger: [listening] He's got *plutonium*?

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Robert K. Bowfinger: Do you have any experience in motion pictures?

Jiff Ramsey: Uh, well, yeah, quite a bit, actually, I have quite a bit of experience. I'm an active, uh, renter at Blockbuster, and I, um, attend the filmed cinema, uh, as much as possible, weekly, bi-weekly, inter-week-... intermediately.

Robert K. Bowfinger: Would you be willing to cut your hair?

Jiff Ramsey: [sighs] Oh, yes, but, uh, it's usually better if someone else does it. I've had a few... accidents.

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Kit: Them people can't speak English good!

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Jiff Ramsey: Oh, gosh, I'm really hoping to get a career running errands. That'd be a major boost for me.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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