I Love You, Don't Touch Me! (1997)

Director:

Julie Davis

Writer:

Julie Davis (writer)

Release Date:

20 February 1998 (USA)

Genre:

Comedy | Romance

Tagline:

Just Your Typical Boy-Loves-Girl Who Doesn't Love Boy Till He Loves Other Girl Story

Plot:

The story of a 25 year old virgin girl, looking for the right boyfriend, not realizing that "the one" has been next to her for many years. |

Plot Keywords:

Female Nudity | Unrequited Love | Friendship | Human Relationship | Independent Film

Cast

Marla Schaffel	...	Katie
Mitchell Whitfield	...	Ben
Michael Harris	...	Richard Webber
Meredith Scott Lynn	...	Janet
Jack McGee	...	Lou Candela
Darryl Theirse	...	Jones
Julie Ariola	...	Mom
Nancy Sorel	...	Elizabeth
Wally Kurth	...	David Barclay
Victor Raider-Wexler	...	Dad
Sara Van Horn	...	Analyst
Debbie Munroe	...	Margo
Tim De Zarn	...	Vagrant
Janine Venable	...	Deidre
Michael A. Candela	...	Audition Man

MPAA:

Rated R for strong language and sexuality.

Runtime:

86 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Sound Mix:

Dolby

Certification:

Australia:M | USA:R

Company:

Big Hair Productions

Amateurish, superficial, and downright ridiculous

This film shows glimmers of talent, but strikes so many false notes that film and filmmaker lose all credibility.

It purports to be the story of 25-year-old, Katie, who -- although the product of what she views as the perfect relationship -- is so scarred by an early boyfriend's infidelity that she remains a virgin. One can only pray that, like many early film-making efforts, this isn't autobiographical.

This same repressed virgin has, as close friends, an exuberant (read, promiscuous) party girl and a buttoned-down perfectionist, neither of whom she appears to like very much. Her best friend, though, is the companionable Ben, who loves her, but whom she cannot picture in any romantic role. This doesn't stop her from a certain dog-in-the-manger attitude that arises after she sets him up with her party-girl pal.

This same repressed virgin, who believes sex without love is meaningless, gives it all up to a suave older man who has already made it abundantly clear to her that he goes through women like some go through dental floss.

None of these situations are unbelievable *per se*, but the writer-director gives none of them the space to develop naturally. We're supposed to believe that the suave older lover who has literally said and done ALL the right things throughout the relationship, would suddenly make a video-related misstep so monumental as to send the relationship down the path to its inevitable end. We're greeted with a behind-closed-doors wedding day revelation in the relationship of the perfectionist friend and her new husband that gets no set-up nor explanation. Katie, an aspiring singer, is deemed too out-of-touch to be able to convey emotion when auditioning for an egg jingle, but manages to put over a smoldering torch song a few days later, while in the same virginal state (although she IS feeling tempted, for apparently the first time).

Katie's own change-of-heart, at film's end, receives the same spliced-in treatment.

The film is very talky, which would be all right if the dialogue were believable, but mostly we're treated to Katie's self-righteous rants. It's hard to believe anyone would be friends with this neurotic prig.

Davis, the writer-director, shows some visual and conceptual talent in the film, but should probably stick to interpreting the visions of more gifted and insightful writers. The entire film smacked of film-school project, which still isn't really enough to redeem it.