Under Wraps (1997 TV Movie)
Gilbert: What does "celibate" mean?
Amy: No chicks.
Gilbert: Oh. I could never handle that.
Amy: You'll get used to it.
Gilbert: My mom collects antique dolls. That's perfectly normal. A lot of people collect dolls.
Amy: Yeah, a lot of insane people.
Gilbert: My mom's not insame.
Amy: She takes her dolls to the movies.
Gilbert: So? There's nothing wrong with that.
Amy: She buys them popcorn.
Gilbert: Once! She did that once!
Amy: Clogging? What is this, "Hee-Haw"?
Marshall: Hey, it worked, didn't it?
Amy: Yeah, but next time, think of an idea that makes you look like a dork.
Amy: Get out of the way, Leonard. And take your blanket with you.
Leonard: It's not a blanket, it's a rag! I carry it around in case I have to wipe up something.
Amy: Oh, yeah, right, and I'm not wearing a bra, I'm wearing a bulletproof vest.
Gilbert: You're wearing a bra?
Amy: Oh, shut up.
Gilbert: What should we call him?
Amy: How about 'Mummy'?
Marshall: How about Harold?
Marshall: I don't know; he looks like my Uncle Harold.
Amy: Geez, your aunt must be ready to open a vein!
Marshall: Have you ever SEEN a dead person?
Amy: Oh, yeah, I've got 'em lying around my basement in huge stacks. You know, you should come over some time; we use 'em to build big forts.
Amy: Mrs. Anderson?
Gilbert's Mom: Call me Esmerelda.
Amy: Her name's not Esmerelda.
Gilbert: She's role-playing; go with it.
Amy: 'Kay. Esmerelda?
Gilbert's Mom: Yes?
Amy: Marsh and I are going to get some ice cream. Can Gilbert come with us?
Gilbert's Mom: Sure, just be back by 8:30.
Marshall: [breaking into Kubat's basement] Geek.
[both duck down as a car passes]
Gilbert: Wait a minute! If your mom's got the key, then how come we had to break into the basement?
Amy: What fun is it to use a key?
Todd: Hey, Amy.
Amy: I'm busy, Todd.
Todd: Well, I know, but I was just.
Amy: Uh Todd.
Todd: Well I only. I was just wonder.
Amy: Don't make me hurt you, Todd!
Todd: Oh. OK. Sorry.
Amy: He's got a big crush on me, but it's definitely not going to happen.
Marshall: Why not?
Amy: He saw that Olsen twins movie twice. I mean, how can you respect a guy like thtat?
Marshall: I see your point.
Marshall: I'm going to keep him.
Amy: You can't keep him.
Marshall: Well, we can't turn him in. They'll take him somewhere and experiment on him.
Gilbert: What do you mean, experiment?
Marshall: Cut him open, dissect him, pack him in formaldehyde.
Gilbert: They will?
Marshall: Of course, didn't you see "E.T."?
Amy: So what movie are we going to see?
Gilbert: You're crazy!
Amy: You've seen it three times.
Marshall: Four. And, you know, I learn more about the character every time.
Amy: What's to learn? He's a monster. He eats people.
Marshall: That is such a cultural stereotype.
Marshall: Gilbert, it's a horror movie; what do you think happens? Horrible things!
Gilbert: All right, I guess I juust don't like horror movies, I like nice happy movies, like "The Sound of Music".
Marshall: You have got to be kidding.
Gilbert: No it's great, there's singing and dancing, and Nazis. Well, the Nazis don't sing and dance, which would be great if they did. Anyway, Liesel, she's the oldest daughter... what a babe! Even when she's wearing those play clothes made from the curtains...
Gilbert: Gilbert, you're starting to sound weird now!
Marshall: Oh. OK.
Amy: He's dead.
Amy: Mr. Kubat.
Marshall: We just saw him last Saturday!
Amy: You want your peaches?
Marshall: When did he die?
Amy: A couple days ago. The meter man was reading his water meter and saw him through the window, sprawled out on the floor, covered in pancake batter.
Gilbert: Poor guy, killed by pancake batter.
Amy: Hello? He had a heart attack moron, he just happened to be making pancakes at the time.
Gilbert: Still, what a way to go. One minute you're making yourself a hearty, nutritious breakfast and then bingo, lights out.
Amy: Hey, he was old, organs fail, these things happen. What about you? Are you eating your peaches?
Marshall: Here, eat all the peaches! I don't know how you can stand these things anyway, they're as hard as bricks.
Amy: You just suck on them a while and they're okay.
Amy: [sarcastically] I don't wear pajamas, I sleep in the nude.
Amy: What did you see?
Gilbert: A coffin, a big scary coffin!
Amy: Oh, wow.
Gilbert: Yeah, REAL cool, especially when there's a hand sticking out of it!
Amy: Oh, man!
Marshall: Mr. Kubat must've killed somebody.
Marshall: [to Harold] Most of my friends' parents are either divorced or they hate each other.