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Somewhere Under the Rainbow (1995) (V)
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HUNGARIAN MIDGET PORN!!! moreCast
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A truly worthless piece of cinema, "Somewhere Under the Rainbow" is the only pornographic movie I have ever seen that did not turn me on at all. I found it at College Hill Video in Greensboro, NC, where I also bought "Transformers: the Movie." My purchase of SUTR was actually a replacement for a copy that a friend of mine gave me. That copy of the movie was stolen from my friend's car while he and I and two other friends were seeing They Might Be Giants perform at the 9:30 Club in Washington DC later that summer; someone broke into his car and stole my stuff, their stuff, and a pack of gum, leaving behind the credit card that was lying on top of the pack of gum in the ash tray.
This movie features real Hungarian midgets (dwarfs, actually... check with OED) and real Hungarian people. Character names include Zoltan, Li'l Huggies, and Panther. Panther is by far the most talented actor in the film, if only because of his body. He stands, by my guess, about 2'6" tall, has testicles about as big aroiund as a dime (that's US currency), and a penis about the size of a pencil eraser. It did not get hard (or soft, I couldn't tell which state it was in in the scene he was in), but one of the tall folks did indeed lick it one time.
There was no discernable plot, but that was probably because the dialogue was not dubbed; only the "ooh's" and "aah's" were dubbed. And, as most fans of adult cinema know, plot is not one of driving forces behind the genre. To that matter, neither is dialogue.
Anyway, my friend Rich masturbated to Panther's scene while listening to Weird Al's "Polka Party" album as I and four other people looked on. He wiped up with a dirty sock I found under the couch.
I give this movie a 10.