Quotes
Mike McDermott: I feel like Buckner walking back into Shea.
Share thisProfessor Petrovsky: We can't run from who we are. Our destiny chooses us.
Share thisTeddy KGB: If you don't have my money then you are mine.
Share thisTeddy KGB: It hurts doesn't it? Your hopes dashed, your dreams down the toilet. And your fate is sitting right besides you.
Share thisMike McDermott: We can't run from who we are. Our destiny chooses us.
Share thisMike McDermott: Would you stop fucking around, for five goddamn minutes for once in your fucking life?
Worm: Whoa, Jesus, what happened? My old man just walked in.
Share thisMike McDermott: You were lookin' for that third three, but you forgot that Professor Green folded on Fourth Street and now you're representing that you have it. The DA made his two pair, but he knows they're no good. Judge Kaplan was trying to squeeze out a diamond flush but he came up short and Mr. Eisen is futilely hoping that his queens are going to stand up. So like I said, the Dean's bet is $20.
Share this[His girlfriend says they don't have time for sex now]
Mike McDermott: I'll be really quick. You won't feel a thing.
Share this[first lines]
Mike McDermott: Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.
Share this[last lines]
Mike McDermott: First prize at the World Series of Poker is a million bucks. Does it have my name on it? I don't know. But, I'm gonna find out.
Share thisMike McDermott: If you had it to do all over again, knowing what would happen, would you make the same choice?
Professor Petrovsky: What choice?
Share thisLester 'Worm' Murphy: Where did you come up with the scratch for that? You've been rolling fags in the Village again, haven't you?
Share thisWorm: She's really got him by the balls.
Petra: That's not so bad, is it?
Worm: It depends on the grip!
Share this[Mike's girlfriend has just left him over his broken promise not to play poker]
Worm: You know what always cheers me up?
Mike McDermott: No, what's that?
Worm: Rolled up aces over kings. Check-raising stupid tourists and taking huge pots off of them. Playing all-night high-limit Hold'em at the Taj, "where the sand turns to gold." Stacks and towers of checks I can't even see over.
Mike McDermott: Fuck it, let's go.
Worm: Don't tease me.
Mike McDermott: Let's play some cards.
Worm: Yes!
Share thisMike McDermott: Why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table of the World Series of Poker EVERY YEAR? What, are they the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?
Share thisTeddy KGB: Lays down a monster. The fuck did you lay that down?
Share thisWorm: Hey! If you want to see this seventh card you're gonna stop speakin' fuckin' Sputnick.
Share thisWorm: I guess the sayings' true. In the poker game of life, women are the rake man. They are the fuckin' rake.
Mike McDermott: What the fuck are you talkin' about. What saying?
Worm: I-I don't know. There ought to be one though.
Share thisMike McDermott: You can't lose what you don't put in the middle.
[pause]
Mike McDermott: But you can't win much either.
Share thisMike McDermott: Uh, you know what? I got my five grand here. That's just fine by me. I'm going home.
Teddy KGB: Fine. It's a fucking joke anyway. After all, I am paying you with your money.
Mike McDermott: What did you say?
Teddy KGB: Your money... I am still up grand... from this last time I stick it in you.
Mike McDermott: [Narrating] They're trying to goad me, trying to own me. But this isn't a gunfight. It's not about pride or ego. It's only about money. I can leave now, even with Grama and KGB... and halfway to paying Petrovsky back. That's the safe play. I told Worm you can't lose what you don't put in the middle. But you can't win much either.
Share thisTeddy KGB: He beat me... Straight up... Pay him... Pay that man his money.
Share thisMike McDermott: I want him to think that I am pondering a call, but all I'm really thinkin about it Vegas and the fuckin' Mirage.
Share thisTaki: What did you think he had? Does he look like a man beaten by jacks?
Zizzo: Jacks are a monster compared to the crap you've played
Taki: Fuuc you... fuck you...
Zizzo: Fuck Me? Fuck You!
Share thisTeddy KGB: [after Mike raises in the very first game against Teddy] That's a position raise, I call.
Share thisTeddy KGB: Want a cookie?
Share thisMike McDermott: It's immoral to let a sucker keep his money.
Share thisMike McDermott: It's like the nature channel... you don't see Piranhas eating themselves, do you?
Share thisWorm: Why do you think your moves are so grand and noble and I'm always the idiot piece of shit!
Share thisMike McDermott: The game is no limit hold 'em. The Cadillac of poker.
Share thisMike McDermott: Are you satisfied now, Teddy? Because I can keep busting you up all night if you like.
Share thisMike McDermott: In "Confessions of a Winning Poker Player," Jack King said, "Few players recall big pots they have won, strange as it seems, but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy the outstanding tough beats of his career." It seems true to me, cause walking in here, I can hardly remember how I built my bankroll, but I can't stop thinking of how I lost it.
Share thisTeddy KGB: In my club, I will splash the pot whenever the fuck I please.
Share thisWorm: You wanna see the seventh card, stop speaking fucking sputnik! I'm sure you guys were talking about pirogies and snow but let's cut that out.
Share thisWorm: Like my uncle Les used to say "When the money is gone, it's time to move on". So enjoy it, you secret handshaking assholes.
Share thisMike McDermott: You comin' up?
Lester 'Worm' Murphy: No, I've been standin' out here all this time just to say hi.
Mike McDermott: All right, listen, things haven't been that smooth on the homefront so, you know, tone it down a little, all right?
Lester 'Worm' Murphy: Tone done what, motherfucker?
Share thisTeddy KGB: Nyet! Nyet! No More! No! Not tonight! This son of bitch, all night he, "Check. Check. Check." He trap me!
Share thisMike McDermott: That's 4,400. I'm gonna call you. Or else, I won't respect myself tomorrow morning.
Teddy KGB: Respect is all you have left in the morning!
Share thisTeddy KGB: Aces full, Mike.
Share thisMike McDermott: Let's start the hurley.
Share thisTeddy KGB: Mr. Son of a bitch, let's play some cards!
Share thisGrama: Enough is enough, Teddy. Finish the fucking kid off.
Teddy KGB: Hanging around, hanging around. Kid's got alligator blood. Can't get rid of him.
Share thisMike McDermott: I've often seen these people, these squares at the table, short stack and long odds against them. All their outs gone. One last card in the deck that can help them. I used to wonder how they could let themselves get into such bad shape, and how the hell they thought they could turn it around.
Share thisTeddy KGB: That ace could not have helped you.
[drops all of his chips onto the table]
Teddy KGB: I bet it all.
Mike McDermott: [laughs] You're right Teddy, the ace didn't help.
[pushes chips towards the center and flops down his cards]
Mike McDermott: I flopped the nut straight.
Share thisMike McDermott: What happened?
Lester 'Worm' Murphy: Nothing, she closed her legs too fast!
Share thisJo: Mike, I learned it from you. You always told me this was the rule. Rule number one: Throw away your cards the moment you know they can't win. Fold the fucking hand.
Share thisStore Clerk: Hey, lemme ask you a question. In the legal sense, can fuckin' Steinbrenner move the Yankees? Does he have the fuckin' right to just move them?
Mike McDermott: How should I know that?
Store Clerk: You didn't learn that yet?
Mike McDermott: No, we get to Steinbrenner in third year law school.
Store Clerk: Oh...
Share thisJo: What kind of a job is that going to be, Mike um, writing an opinion on high stakes poker?
Mike McDermott: Hon, you're the one that told me I should use my poker skills in the court room.
Share thisMike McDermott: [quoting a gambling maxim] You can shear a sheep many times, but skin him only once.
Share thisWorm: Hey, I'm not gonna let a garbage can fall on my head.
Mike McDermott: No, you're gonna jump out of the way and let it land on me.
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