Occasionally filmmakers have crossed the line to match the original '60s impulse of underground/experimental filmmaking with pornography, and SATISFACTION GUARANTEED is an example of a failure in this genre. Thanks to the visually dominant participation of Uschi Digard it is available over 40 years later on an Alpha Blue Archives 3-fer DVD.
Credited to fictional Melvin Kissem (who has an obscure XXX movie using that name as its title), it was produced by untalented Frisco director Bob Kirk. Result is what I refer to as the "cinema of slop", a mish-mash of dumb ideas, attempts to shock (in the '60s/'70s Ken Russell manner) and what looks suspiciously like a ton of old XXX footage thrown in from other porn projects.
Alternate title LOVE AND THE GREAT GRUNT derives from principal character, a pseudo- Satanist called the Great Grunt who conforming with this other porn sub-genre has a half- painted face to make him appear demonic. He has a special machine which liberates human sexuality, but turns out to be a Wurlitzer jukebox when shown in later reels.
Dumb premise of the film is that there is a revolution against GG stirring, with one of his acolytes, named 218 (opposed by a more literally named 666), vying for power. Ultimately GG is overthrown (I guess, the MOS film being dominated by scatterbrained and pointless narration), the machine opened up to the world creating a utopia, and sarcastically we are left with a modern society in which every home has one (presumably referring to the idiot tube, television).
I was interested in watching the movie because IMDb has listed a fave Laurien Dominique in the cast but she doesn't show up (I'm attempting to fix that credit), caused by Kirk's irritating re-use of the same credits card here for his film METER MADES, in which LD does star. I've also added Uschi to the credits, and she is clearly the only reason to watch it at all.
Anonymous director "Kissem" cast many big-breasted femmes opposite Uschi, of whom Sandi Carey has the largest role. Uschi is lovely as usual, especially in a masturbation scene in front of a mirror which evidently gave rise to another alternate moniker MAGIC MIRROR. She is strictly soft-core (I guess it was written into her contracts?) but the other gals go full hardcore. "Kissem" includes mixed combo, anal sex and frequently ugly (especially in color-deteriorated current state) gynecological closeups clearly meant to astound rather than excite the viewer. Final image (at least in the shredded print transferred by ABA) is a reprise of a shot of Sandi with her giant cucumber.
Key scene for present-day fans of psychotronic or bizarre cinema comes late in the film, when GG holds a typical Satanic ceremony with a girl laid out on display surrounded by the cast dressed up as if Ricky's costume shops had been invented a couple of decades earlier. She has an apple in her mouth, so it isn't surprising when the cast starts feeding on her body, a cannibalism scene that is merely silly since no budget for makeup EFX was provided. Like much of SATISFACTION, it plays like a dumb backyard movie, of which amateur filmmaker Don Glut was a pioneer.
During this hodge-podge of stupid visuals (an idiotic sword fight between the 2 numbered acolytes is shown twice, culminating with a foil shoved up the loser's ass) I was able to make one discovery. On screen for only a few seconds is my personal favorite Joan Devlon, positively ID-d by her distinctive nose and trademark jade ring on the index finger (though other porn actresses of the era also liked to wear similar rings, a little-known but easily spotted craze). Otherwise, staring at Uschi's humongous breasts can carry one just so far, and not justify sitting through an hour of sludge.
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