Halloween with the New Addams Family (1977 TV Movie)
Gomez Addams: To be, or not to be? NOT to be... THAT is the ANSWER!
First Cop: Sorry folks, but the neighbors complained about the noise.
Morticia Addams: But this is a holiday, and a very special holiday for the Addams family, everyone here is a relative.
Uncle Fester: [brings in the crooks] I'm sorry you're mistaken, Morticia, these two aren't.
First Cop: Well... Bones Lafferty, and Louie the Lard?
Gomez Addams: You must be mistaken officer, these people are family.
[Fester shakes his head]
Boss Crook: No, we - we just said that... we're not members of this family. They've got a lion, a lion! In the basement, and a lady flew out the window!
Little Bo Peep: That was no lady, it was a pterodactyl.
Morticia Addams: [an explosion is heard from the kitchen] Did you leave a cake in the oven, Mama?
Grandmama Addams: It's that woman again! That's my kitchen, not an airport!
Fake Gomez: [Fester has him on the rack, mistaking him for Gomez] I'm just a guest here, take off my mask and you'll see.
Uncle Fester: An imposter! That's the first mistake I ever made on the rack, if I stretched you out, I could see about having you shortened. And if your socks are stretched, I'll be very happy to knit you a new pair.
Uncle Fester: Don't step on Kitty Kat's tail.
Mikey: Do I look like the kind of guy who'd step on Kitty Kat's tail?
[leaves, Kitty Kat roars and Mikey returns terrified and his clothes torn]
Uncle Fester: You stepped on Kitty Kat's tail.
Mother Frump: [to the relatives in the graveyard] I want to apologize to you all, I almost gave up the old broom and fly recipe. I was wrong, I forgot the old family motto, "Never say die!"
[buried relatives applaud]
Mother Frump: Thank you, well, back to the drawing board.
Uncle Fester: [a plant is choking Mikey] Lois! How can he holler if you keep hugging him like that?
Ophelia Addams: I found him! I found him! He was hiding.
Pancho Addams: I was not hiding, I was meditating.
Ophelia Addams: In the dumbwaiter?
Pancho Addams: Hurry and dig yourself out, Uncle Fester, I'm going to tell the children the legend of Cousin Shy.
Gomez Addams: [opening a present] An umbrella, Tish you know me like a book.
Morticia Addams: I was afraid the weather would be terrible. You know how horrid sunshine is, I shall pray for clouds.
Uncle Fester: [freeing Lafferty from the encircling leafy fronds while irritably scolding the plant] How many times has Gomez told you NOT TO PLAY WITH STRANGERS?