The Adventures of Sam & Max: Freelance Police (1997–1998)

Harvey Atkin: Sam

Quotes 

• Sam : The path of violence can never lead to harmony.

  Max : Now you're just being ridiculous.

• [repeated line] 

  Sam : You crack me up, little buddy.

• Max : I know, grab me by the ears!

  Sam : You are aware that there are children watching.

  Max : Just do it!

• Sam : No doubt she is absorbed in high-level closed door doings concerning a matter of the utmost urgency and import.

  Max : Either that, our she's taking a little potty break.

  Sam : That's what I said.

• Sam : Remember, kids, we're professional cartoon characters. Don't try this at home.

• [after demonstrating how to make a Max hand-puppet from a paper bag] 

  Max : Make a bunch, and use them to put on twisted puppet shows for the neighborhood kids which will affect them later in life. Use it to communicate ideas and concepts to people of other lands.

  Sam : Max's terrifying head is a universal symbol of something or other.

• Sam : Looky there, Max! It's a horde of murderous inner-dwellers.

  Max : When there are five or more, the correct term is a "clot."

• [Max pulls an enormous wrench out of his pouch] 

  Sam : Max! I didn't know you were a marsupial!

  Max : Me neither! Whatever that is...

• Sam : It seems people are disappearing on mass!

  Max : Oh my god, Sam! You said 'ON MASS'!

• Sam : I'm just tossing darts in the dark here, but I'd say this whole transdimensional mess is the combined result of you storing toxic oozes in leaky zippy lock bags in a freezer that's as neglected as Quasimodo at a Sadie Hawkins dance.

• Sam : It was the stern, guiding voice of the Commissioner with just the right kind of hair-raising case we can wrap our overactive adrenal glands around!

  Max : Are you talking dirty?

• [every time a phone rings] 

  Sam , Max : I GOT IT! I GOT IT!

• Sam : Maybe it was towed.

  Max : No, I think we nipped that problem in the bud when we shaved the guy at the towing yard. And his dad.

• Sam : That was the distinctive cry of a loon, mixed with the turbulent roar of the open sea.

  Max : The Commissioner, huh.

• Sam : We have the safety of the passengers and our pledge to provide patently ridiculous scenarios to consider.

• Sam : Holy jumping weasel fritters on a hot cross bun!

• Sam : [seeing and hearing Max play bagpipes]  Whoa! That's something I'm gonna have dreams about!

• Sam : Holy mother of all things hairy and disgusting!

• Sam : Gee buddy, in my experience a grade four abrasion like that usually has the recipient bawling like a three legged longshoreman at a cotillion.

• Sam : So let me get this straight: we can breath here, then?

  Max : I guess those prissy, paranoid astronauts never had enough spine to try it.

  Sam : Ooh, I could never say that about an astronaut.