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Orgazmo (1997) Poster

(1997)

Quotes

Dave the Lighting Guy: I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think Depeche Mode is a sweet band!

Ben Chapelski: Jesus!

Joe Young: Where?

Joe Young: They want me to do a sequel.

Lisa: A sequel, to "Death of a Salesman"? Doesn't he die at the end of the first?

Joe Young: Yes, but he has a twin brother, and he wants revenge.

Lisa: Revenge? But, doesn't he kill himself?

Joe Young: No, no, that's what you were led to believe. He was killed by the C.I.A for selling smack... to Nazis...

Lisa: Wow!

Maxxx Orbison: Put your tongue in her mouth, for Christ's sake!

Joe Young: How would Christ benefit from me putting my tongue in someone's mouth?

Dave the Lighting Guy: Dude, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think you got a hot ass!

Joe Young: Thanks.

Dave the Lighting Guy: Say, have you seen that movie Clash of the Titans?

Joe Young: Oh yeah, the greek mythology.

Dave the Lighting Guy: Hey, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think unicorns are kick ass!

Ben Chapelski: To the Orgazmobile!

Joe Young: What?

Ben Chapelski: My Buick Century!

Maxxx Orbison: Bring me my stunt cock.

[Joe is introduced to the young actresses he'll be co-starring with]

Joe Young: Oh... I, I can't say that.

Maxxx Orbison: Say what?

Joe Young: What are they called?

Maxxx Orbison: The Assfuck Twins.

Joe Young: I can't say that. Can we call them something else?

Maxxx Orbison: But they're the Assfuck Twins.

Joe Young: Well I know, but um, couldn't I call them the Naughty Twins or something?

Maxxx Orbison: No, you *couldn't* just call them the Naughty Twins. They're the Assfuck Twins. Why would you call them The Naughty Twins when they get fucked in the ass all the time?

Joe Young: Well, that's pretty naughty.

Maxxx Orbison: What's your name, again?

Sancho: I am Sancho.

Maxxx Orbison: Look, I get a lot of people auditioning all the time. What makes you think that you'd be good enough for porno?

Sancho: I am Sancho.

Maxxx Orbison: Great... but what do you do?

Sancho: What do I do? I am Sancho.

Maxxx Orbison: And...?

Sancho: And there are many Jeffs in the world, and many Toms as well. But I... am Sancho.

Maxxx Orbison: And...?

Sancho: Are you Sancho? No you are not. Neither is Scott Baio Sancho. Frank Gifford is not Sancho. But I...

Maxxx Orbison: You... are Sancho!

Sancho: That's right.

Maxxx Orbison: Okay, you're hired.

Lisa: [to Maxxx] You pig, you're responsible for degrading all of those women.

Clark: Equally degradable in pornographic films.

Lisa: Men are always in a position of power.

Rodgers: They're the ones who want the product so bad, they're the victims.

Lisa: Well, it exploits men by exploiting women.

Clark: Hence, it exploits people.

Maxxx Orbison: [pissed off] SHUT UP!

Clark: Yeah.

Maxxx Orbison: I do what i do and i make a lot of money and i don't care what i do to people because they're all idiots.

Clark: Yeah.

Maxxx Orbison: Especially you Clark, you pig fucking hunk of shit!.

Clark: Yeah.

[a nude mariachi band is playing at Maxxx Orbison's party]

Dave the Lighting Guy: These guys kind of sound like Depeche Mode!

Maxxx Orbison: Yeah, I just dig that Jesus guy!

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[Dave recounts a painful memory of why he quit Hamster Style kung fu]

Young Ben: Dad?

Ben's Father: Hmm?

Young Ben: I don't think I'm gonna do Hamster Style anymore.

Ben's Father: That's nice.

[Flashback pans back to the present]

Ben Chapelski: [tearfully] And that's how it went down, man!

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Ben Chapelski: Let's see how you like my... COCK ROCKET!

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Lisa: I hope you're happy in the life you've chosen.

Joe Young: Don't quote Dickens in my apartment!

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Dave the Lighting Guy: Everybody say, "Geddy Lee!"

Joe Young: Who's Geddy Lee?

Dave the Lighting Guy: Geddy Lee, best bass player EVER, come on!

Everybody: Geddy Lee!

[Dave snaps photo]

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Joe Young: I'm not a superhero! I'm a Latter-Day Saint.

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Joe Young: I am a bad, bad Mormon!

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Joe Young: Ben, use your hamster style!

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Joe Young: But if you're such a scientific genius,don't you think Heavenly Father has something more important planned for your life?

Ben Chapelski: Who?

Joe Young: You.

Ben Chapelski: ...What?

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Maxxx Orbison: You get me some nice close-ups... and you give me a nice slow zoom, starting with a medium closeup on the cock... and then widening out to an establishing shot.

Camera Man: Genius.

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Maxxx Orbison: Okay people, let's go! Lights on!

Dave the Lighting Guy: Lights are on. It's stable, Captain, Woohoo! Let's see some fuckin' action!

Maxxx Orbison: Dave?

Dave the Lighting Guy: Yeah?

Maxxx Orbison: Calm down.

Dave the Lighting Guy: Right. Sorry.

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Georgi: My doctor says now I have enough silicone in my body to kill a small elephant! Isn't that cool?

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Saffi: Oh, give it to me, you big stud!

Rodgers: I'm not a stud!

Saffi: Huh?

Rodgers: I am not a stud! I'm...

[takes off his mask to reveal Clark]

Clark: ...JIZZ MASTER ZERO!

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Interviewer: What's the difference between Orgazmo and your previous porn titles, like Schindler's Fist?

Maxxx Orbison: I really think history will describe Orgazmo better than I possibly could.

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Dave the Lighting Guy: That's some hot shit right there!

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Joe Young: We're from The Church of Jesus Christ.

Old Lady: Oh, the Mormons?

Joe Young: That's right. I'm elder Young and this is elder White.

Old Lady: Well, you two boys can just fuck right off.

Joe Young: Ma'am?

Old Lady: You heard me. Take that book of Mormons and shove it so far up your righteous asses that you choke, you soul soliciting pigfuckers.

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Joe Young: Ben, superheroes that pray together stay together.

Ben Chapelski: Aw, what the fuck!

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Doctor: Your testicles have grown to the size of Florida oranges.

Maxxx Orbison: Don't you think I notice THAT? Tell me something I don't know, you cocky PRICK!

Doctor: I am going to have to amputate your pee pee.

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G-Fresh: Those punks from across the street came in the other day and just whupped my sorry black ass!

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T-Rex: You're gonna make me cum, or I'm gonna kick your ass!

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T-Rex: Hi fellas, I'm ready to fuck.

Orgazmo: Huh?

T-Rex: You want me on top?

Orgazmo: Uh... NO! I'll be on top!

T-Rex: You're gonna make me cum, or I'm gonna kick your butt!

Maxxx Orbison: Aaaand... action!

[T-Rex throws Orgazmo down and starts dry humping him]

T-Rex: Oh! Come on nah! Come on nah! You make me so hot nah! You make me so hot!

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Dave the Lightning Guy: [to Joe] I don't want to sound like a queer or nothin', but I'd kinda like to make love to you tonight.

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Ben Chapelski: I tell ya, Joe, there's nothing sadder than a sad Japanese man.

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G-Fresh: You gonna get popped! if you keep ridin' me...

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Sancho: Hey, it's Orgazmo!

Joe Young: I'm not Orgazmo.

Sancho: I am Sancho.

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[G-Fresh gets hit in the head with a bat several times offscreen. When it shows him again, he only has a bloody lip]

G-Fresh: Aw, dat hurt so much!

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Maxxx Orbison: Okay, we're sucking, we're sucking...

Dave the Lighting Guy: Yeah! SUCK THAT COCK!

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Saffi: Who will I be fucking in this scene?

Maxxx Orbison: Um, you'll be fucking Ben and Rodgers. By the way, this is our new Orgazmo.

Saffi: Hi. Are we fucking?

Maxxx Orbison: No, we'll be bringing in a stunt cock.

Saffi: And I'm NOT doing any ass-licking in this scene!

Maxxx Orbison: Yes, yes, no ass-licking!

Saffi: I'm not an ass-licker!

[Walks away]

Maxxx Orbison: [shaking his head] Give 'em an inch, and they take a mile.

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White Stunt Cock: [to the filmmakers] Hey, how ya doin'?

White Stunt Cock: [to Joe Young] Hey, how ya doin'?

White Stunt Cock: [to Candi, Saffi, and Ben] Hey, how ya doin'?

[Graphic sex begins offscreen]

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[Joe Young has just zapped Maxxx Orbison several times with the Orgazmorator]

Ben Chapelski: Dude! He's never gonna wanna have another orgasm again!

Joe Young: One more time for Jesus.

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Ben Chapelski: Whoa! DVDA shot! So, you up for some sushi?

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Joe Young: [praying] If You don't want me to do this, just give me a sign.

[an earthquake tears through Hollywood]

Joe Young: Any sign at all.

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Joe Young: You see, when the Mormons first arrived, they didn't have any money...

DVDA Porn Actress: They should've done DVDA.

Joe Young: DVDA?

DVDA Porn Actress: Yeah, double-vaginal double-anal. It's the only way a woman of my age will get work in this industry. If you don't think that splits me open like a turkey on Thanksgiving, heh...

Dave the Lighting Guy: HEY, LADY! We're ready for the DVDA shot!

DVDA Porn Actress: [smiles] Nice talkin' with ya, kid.

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Lisa: Excuse me, could you tell me what movie this is?

Video Store Clerk: [laughs] What movie this is? Where have you been, under a rock?

Lisa: No, I'm from Utah.

Video Store Clerk: Oh. Sorry.

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[G-Fresh's sushi bar has just been wrecked by thugs]

Joe Young: We should call the police!

Girl at Sushi Bar: The police? Where are you from, Arizona?

Joe Young: No, Utah.

Girl at Sushi Bar: Oh. Sorry.

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Dave the Lighting Guy: My name's Dave.

Sancho: I am Sancho. Don't mean to sound like queer, but I find fire very romantic.

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Rodgers: I bet you want it, baby!

Saffi: Oh, yeah, I want it, baby! I am so badly wanting IT!

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[DVDA singing "Now You're a Man, Man"]

DVDA: What makes a man, is it the woman in his hands / Just 'cause she's got big titties / Is it the way he fights every day / Naw, it's probably the titties / Now you're a man, (hey) a man, a man, a man / Now you're a man, man, (hey) a man, a man, a man, /Now you're a man, man, (hey) an M-A-N man, man, man, man / Now you're a man

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Lisa: How could you have sex with all of those women?

Joe Young: I didn't it was a stunt cock

Lisa: A stunt cock? So you aren't touching all of those women's breasts?

Joe Young: Oh no they're all just special effects

Lisa: really?

Joe Young: ...no

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Dave the Lighting Guy: [as Joe is about to film his first scene] Lights are on and stable captain. WOO-HOO, let's see some fuckin' action!

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Lisa: Men like you make me sick! Jesus is going to put an end to you.

Maxxx Orbison: If Jesus Christ wants to bring Maxxx Oribson down, he's going to need a lot of help.

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[Joe rescues Lisa, who is bound and gagged]

Joe Young: Lisa, are you OK? Did he hurt you?

Lisa: Mmmph! Mmmph!

Joe Young: Oh, I'm sorry. Here.

[Joe rips off the adhesive tape off Lisa's mouth]

Lisa: OWWWW!

Joe Young: Oh, Lisa, I'm sorry! What were you trying to say?

Lisa: Don't pull the tape off my mouth.

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[repeated line]

Maxxx Orbison: Or else you'll be sleeping with the fishes. See?

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Mariachi Band: Mi Verga es chiquita y muy fea... y todo el mundo lo sabe...

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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