Blast from the Past (1999) Poster


Adam: Oh my lucky stars! A Negro!

Adam: Manners are a way of showing other people we care about them.

Eve: So for four thousand dollars, all I have to do is drive you to your hotel?

Adam: Uh-huh!

Eve: That's it?

Adam: Yes.

Eve: And I don't have to take a physical in your spaceship?

Eve: Where are you parked?

Adam: I came on a bus.

Eve: Why does that not surprise me.

Adam: I dunno. Why doesn't that sunrise you?

Eve: Well, I guess because I'm a little psychic. I have this thing.

Adam: Oh, that's nice.

Eve: Yeah, let me guess something. This is your first visit to La-La-Land. You're staying somewhere in Hollywood because like an idiot you thought that would be an exciting place to stay. Am I right so far?

Adam: So far?

Eve: Yes, I'm right?

Adam: Right.

Eve: I knew it. So anyhow, you get on a bus and before you know it you're stuck in the San Fernando Valley without a clue, which brings us to here. Correct again?

Adam: Again.

Eve: Where are you staying? The Holiday Inn.

Adam: Oh. Yes! Yes! The Holiday Inn. That's exactly right.

Eve: See, I'm psychic. I mean not completely but pretty much. Pretty good, huh?

Adam: No, that was amazing!

Eve: Yeah I know. Thanks.

Eve: Now hold on, hold on just a minute! In the first place I do not fall in love with weirdos who I've only known for four or five days!

Troy: Yes you do.

Eve: And I don't fall in love with grown men who collect baseball cards!

Troy: Yes you do.

Eve: Or pee in their pants when they see the ocean!

Troy: Yes you do.

Eve: Or have perfect table manners!

Troy: You know, I asked him about that. He said, good manners are just a way of showing other people we have respect for them. See, I didn't know that, I thought it was just a way of acting all superior. Oh and you know what else he told me?

Eve: What?

Troy: He thinks I'm a gentleman and you're a lady.

Eve: [disgusted] Well, consider the source! I don't even know what a lady is.

Troy: I know, I mean I thought a "gentleman" was somebody that owned horses. But it turns out, his short and simple definition of a lady or a gentleman is, someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible.

Eve: Where do you think he got all that information?

Troy: From the oddest place - his parents. I mean, I don't think I got that memo from mine.

Eve: Oh, you coward.

Troy: Gentleman coward.

Adam, Age 11: What's baseball?

Calvin: It's a game, son. I can explain it pretty easily. See, there's a pitcher...

Adam, Age 11: Oh, like a painting.

Calvin: No, a pitch-er.

Adam, Age 11: Like one of mom's?

Calvin: No. There's a man who throws the ball to a man who has a bat.

Adam, Age 11: Oh! The nocturnal flying mammal?

Adam: Say, mom?

Helen: Yes, dear?

Adam: I was wondering, you know, while I was up there and all, I was thinking, well you know, I was wondering if maybe I could meet a girl? I've been thinking about that a little. Just these last fifteen years or so.

Helen: Oh Adam, it would be wonderful if you could meet a girl. One who's not a mutant and hopefully comes from Pasadena. Nothing against Valley girls but in my day anyhow girls from Pasadena, I don't know, just always seemed a little bit nicer.

Adam: What do mean you can get me laid?

Eve: Uh, can we talk about that a little later?

Adam: Of course.

Eve: Great.

[the doors have unlocked, and Helen and Adam are thrilled; Calvin slightly less so]

Adam: Do we just go on up?

Calvin: No, son. Now is the time we must be at our most cautious. We wait for night.

Helen: Oh, shit!

[Helen, realizing Adam has heard her, immediately covers her mouth]

Calvin: Helen Thomas Webber! Maybe we have been down here a little too long. Pardon her French, son.

Adam: "Shit" is French?

Calvin: [uncomfortably] Well, it's archaic French. It's a sixteenth century colloquialism, meaning, roughly, good.

Helen: Your father's right.

Adam: Well. "Shit"!

Calvin: Would you like a tranquilizer?

Helen: You have tranquilizers?

Calvin: I told you, I have everything!

Calvin: You have a wonderful sense of humor, son, I must say. The acorn does not fall far from the tree.

Calvin: Son. Adam.

Adam: Yes, Father?

Calvin: Don't forget: stay out of the adult bookstore.

Adam: Adult bookstore. Why?

Calvin: Poison gas. Invisible.

[Calvin is reassuring his wife on their son's first night away from home]

Calvin: I just want to say, I think he's going to be fine.

Helen: Thank you, Calvin, thank you very much.

Calvin: He's smart!

Helen: Yes, dear, I know, but he's still such a baby.

Calvin: He's a man.

Helen: He's a baby man.

Eve: Rule number one in North America: no strangers in the car.

Adam: Well if it will make you feel any better, I don't have a gun.

Eve: Oh, well that changes everything.

Eve: Here ya go, one champagne cocktail.

Adam: Oh, thank you.

Eve: I thought only hookers drank those things?

Adam: Well, I know Mom sure likes 'em.

Troy: [pointing to Sophie's sizeable breast implants] So, Sophie, when you fly to Paris, do you check these or are they carry-on?

Troy: Lying can be a very effective dating tool.

Troy: Eve, a man walks into your life, who's the kindest, most polite, most incredibly rich guy you've ever met...

Eve: And I have him committed.

Troy: Yes. Yes you did.

Eve: Well, at least I fell for him before I knew he was rich. That's new.

Adam: I think I'm being chased by a psychiatrist.

Soda Jerk: It happens.

Adam: [During his first visit back home] Mom, I think I'm being chased by a Psychiatrist.

Helen: Oh no!

Calvin: That happens.

[Adam has bought rollerblades]

Adam: Eve, can I skate around your block?

Troy: [suggestively] How about it, Eve - can he *skate* around your block?

Eve: No.

Troy: Just a few laps.

Adam: It won't take long.

Eve: No.

Eve: [to Adam, about Troy] He's gay, by the way.

Adam: [thinking she means that Troy is happy] Well, good for you!

Adam: Uh, Eve, this is Adam. Look, I just wanted to thank you for everything you did for me. And I wanted to tell you that I... that uh... that I wish so many good things for you. I wish so hard that all of your dreams come true, and... and that's all I... and that's all.

Eve: What have you been doing?

Adam: Watching television... in color.

Eve: Have you ever had sex before?

Adam: No.

Eve: How is that possible?

Troy: I love sushi.

Adam: I love Lucy.

Troy: Who doesn't? She's hilarious.

Eve: What kind of wife are you looking for?

Adam: Oh um, well... one who's not a mutant.

Eve: [laughs] No dogs, huh. OK. Cool.

Adam: And if it's possible, I'd like to marry someone from Pasadena.

Eve: [laughs] Um, when do you need her by?

Adam: Two weeks?

Eve: Well, I can probably get you laid in two weeks, but to locate a non-mutant wife from Pasadena takes some time.

Adam: That's what I was afraid of.

Eve's Boss at Collectables Store: [to Adam and Eve] You guys are gonna have a great time together! Mazel-fucking-tov!

Adam: The sky!

Child: I see it mommy!

Adam: I've never seen anything like it!

[looks at little girl]

Adam: or like you!

Eve: And now I suppose he's trying to make those two dancers feel as comfortable as possible.

Troy: No. He didn't go home with them.

Eve: [Eve gives a happy look to Troy] ... Well.

Troy: He went home with Sophie.

Eve: [screams really loudly] No!

Troy: Yep.

Eve: No!

Troy: She swept him out of the room, whispering little sweet French nothings into his ear.

[Adam, Eve and Troy are at the club, looking for a girlfriend for Adam. Adam spots a lovely young woman]

Adam: How about her?

Eve: No way.

Adam: No way? Why not? I, I think she's very attractive.

Eve: Adam! She's got 'bitch' written all over her. You do know what 'bitch' means, don't you?

Adam: [nodding] Well, well, yes, I do. I do have a dictionary. But I can't understand for the life of me why you would say that about her. Or why Cliff would say that about *you*!

[Troy stifles a laugh; Eve glares at him and then at Adam]

[Adam is rehearsing Troy's advice as he approaches a young woman whom Troy thinks looks "sweet."]

Adam: Surprising, yet funny.

[Adam recalls his father's silly joke]

Adam: Well, I know a duck who bought some lip balm.

Adam: [nods to himself] Lie.

[he approaches Miss Sweet]

Adam: Hi.

[she looks him up and down, appraising, but replies disdainfully]

Miss 'Sweet', at Club 40: Yes?

Adam: I was wondering if you could help me? I, um...

[she looks at him with definite disdain]

Adam: ...seem to have lost my Congressional Medal of Honor around here... somewhere.

Miss 'Sweet', at Club 40: [bursts into laughter] Now, that's a great one!

Eve: [Trying to get rid of Troy] You! Go to the bathroom!

Troy: What, right *here*?

[pause while Eve stares at him]

Troy: Well I thought I should check, you're being so bossy!

Eve: Whenever Adam gives me, such obviously incorrect information. I just smile, slap him on the knee and look out the window. Why spoil his dreams? They're such wonderful dreams.

[Edited TV Version]

Eve's Boss at Collectables Store: You know why you can't keep a gosh darn job? Because you can't keep your gosh darn mouth shut! That's why!

Eve: I'm sick of working for that dickhead.

Adam: What?

Eve: You know, a walking penis capable of intelligent speech. A dickhead!

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