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Michael Donovan O'Donnell
With Danish imports, purporting to be documentary sex films, burning up the box office in 1970, Zoltan Spencer/Spence Crilly cashed in on the craze with the obviously phony DANISH & BLUE, which is neither.
Gimmick is a guy named Johnny (William Howard) vacationing in Copenhagen for two weeks, anxious to see how they get it on in a freewheeling place where pornography has famously been made legal.
After a pre-credits tease with a sex therapist (the scene duly repeated in sequence later in the film where it belongs), we see Johnny attending live sex shows and buying obscene photos in a bookstore.
Lame construction has endless travelogue shots of Copenhagen intercut with shots of Johnny "looking" or reacting - he never left Hollywood. Whether this is stock footage or second unit shots is irrelevant; the entire film is patently bogus.
Suzanne Fields pops up as not just an on-stage sex performer, but also the girl in the porn photos Johnny's bought AND also a servant working in the boarding house where he's staying, popping up suddenly in his room to change his towels. That's not all she does, as he hooks up with her for the duration of the film, treating the fans to simulated sex, full frontal male and female nudity, and the de rigeur split-beaver tight closeups of 1970 cinema.
This not being a REAL white coater, the fans do not get any explicit hardcore footage at all, which probably was a disappointment given the XXX competition of the day. But Fields is styled to look quite beautiful and the other female lead, an unidentified blonde playing the sex therapist, is also a striking beauty. Likewise, Linda Wroom is a voluptuous blonde in a supporting role.
Director Spencer indulges his usual fetishes, noticeably a fondness for s&m that surfaces in an idiotic nightmare sequence, where Johnny imagines being strung up and tortured by a caped creep (Spencer perhaps?) and having both the blonde and Fields approach him with huge shears, intent on castration.
Most of the film is shot MOS, with heavy narration by Howard's character. It ends with the sex therapist lecturing us directly about the virtues of Scandinavian openness, cementing the white coater premise.
Package is not as interesting as Spencer's other films, which usually have outlandish story lines to distract the viewer from his poor technique. In his body of work, this is closest to his desultory THE SCREENTEST GIRLS, another preposterously fake documentary.
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