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Analyze This (1999) Poster

(1999)

Quotes

Dr. Ben Sobel: What happened with your wife last night?

Boss Paul Vitti: I wasn't with my wife, I was with my girlfriend.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Are you having marriage problems?

Boss Paul Vitti: No.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Then why do you have a girlfriend?

Boss Paul Vitti: What, are you gonna start moralizing on me?

Dr. Ben Sobel: No, I'm not, I'm just trying to understand, why do you have a girlfriend?

Boss Paul Vitti: I do things with her I can't do with my wife.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Why can't you do them with your wife?

Boss Paul Vitti: Hey, that's the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy?

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Dr. Ben Sobel: You don't hear the word "no" a lot, do you?

Boss Paul Vitti: Well, I hear it all the time, only it's more like "no, please, no!"

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Boss Paul Vitti: You're turning me down?

Dr. Ben Sobel: When I got into family therapy, this was not the "family" I had in mind.

Boss Paul Vitti: You, with your schmucky little office in your schmucky little home, you're turning *me* down? For what, so you can go back and listen to housewives piss and moan about how nobody fucks 'em right anymore?

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Boss Paul Vitti: Whoever did that thing to you-know-who, that good friend of mine, they're trying to do that to me now, and I'm having a lot of feelings about that. And I'm... and I'm trying to get some... some...

Dr. Ben Sobel: [whispering] "Closure"

Boss Paul Vitti: ...closure on that, ya know?

Primo: What kind of feelings?

Boss Paul Vitti: I'm... I'm very angry, I'm feeling very angry about that. I'm... I'm really... uh... I'm enraged, I'm feeling very, very mad about that.

Primo: So why are you telling me?

Boss Paul Vitti: Why am I telling you? Like you don't know nothing about it, huh? You don't know... what?

Primo: I don't know what your talking about.

Boss Paul Vitti: Okay, whatever, whatever. I'm just trying to...

Dr. Ben Sobel: [Whispering] "Tell you about my feelings..."

Boss Paul Vitti: ...tell you about my feelings and that, uh...

Dr. Ben Sobel: [Whispering] "I'm angry..."

Boss Paul Vitti: ...I'm angry and... and that anger is a...

Dr. Ben Sobel: [Whispering] "Blocked wish...?"

Boss Paul Vitti: ...a blocked wish. And I'm looking forward to seeing you... next week at that thing, and then I can... unblock that angered wish... and then hopefully... hopefully you make one more move on me you motherfucker I'll fuckin' cut your fuckin' balls off I'll shove them up your fuckin' ass, I'll fuckin' bury you, I'll put fuckin' ice picks in your eyes, I'll chop your fuckin' eyeballs, I'll send them to your fuckin' family so they can eat 'em for dessert. You understand me?

Primo: Hey Paul...

Boss Paul Vitti: What?

Primo: Fuck you.

Boss Paul Vitti: You motherfucker!

Primo: [to Moony] You get a dictionary and find out what this "closure" is. If that's what he's going to hit us with, I want to know what it is

Boss Paul Vitti: [to Dr. Sobel] Yeah. How was that?

Dr. Ben Sobel: It was going great until the... cutting off of the balls and shoving it up his ass.

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[Ben rushes up to Paul's room after Jelly throws a hit man off the balcony onto the wedding party]

Boss Paul Vitti: Hey, people get depressed, they jump. But that ain't my fault.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh, so you're telling me it was suicide?

Boss Paul Vitti: I don't know, he probably left a note. Jelly, did they find that note?

Jelly: [taking out a pen] Uh no, but they will in a minute.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh, and let me guess what it says? "Life is bullshit, I can't fucking take it no more! Signed, the Dead Guy."

Jelly: Hey, that's good, Doc.

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Dr. Ben Sobel: What is my goal here, to make you a happy, well-adjusted gangster?

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[afterreceiving a lavish gift from Vitti]

Dr. Ben Sobel: Call the Vatican. See if something is missing.

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Dr. Ben Sobel: Oedipus was a Greek king who killed his father and married his mother.

Boss Paul Vitti: Fuckin' Greeks.

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Boss Paul Vitti: I couldn't get it up last night.

Dr. Ben Sobel: You mean sexually?

Boss Paul Vitti: No, I mean for the big game against Michigan State. Of course sexually! What the fuck's the matter with you?

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Jelly: I'm gonna get a bite to eat. You wanna sandwich or somethin'?

Guard: What kind of sandwich ain't too fattening?

Jelly: A half a sandwich.

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Boss Paul Vitti: [to Dr. Sobel] If I talk to you, and you turn me into a fag... im gonna kill you , you understand?

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Boss Paul Vitti: Hey, I got news for you, you little two-bit prick, son-of-a-bitch, rat-bastard you did nothing for me! Whatever you did the other day didn't take! I'm still fucked up! You did fucking NOTHING for me!

Dr. Ben Sobel: Hey, what do you expect? I saw you for five minutes! I can't work miracles, Mr. Viti! And let me tell you something, I do not appreciate it when someone sneaks into my hotel room and kidnaps me in the middle of the night. I have a life, Mr. Viti, I have a family, and I have a serious practice, and I don't have time for your BULLSHIT!... That got away from me at the end there.

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Boss Paul Vitti: I wasn't really gonna whack you.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Paul...

Boss Paul Vitti: Okay, I was gonna whack you. But I was real conflicted about it.

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Dr. Ben Sobel: Let me get this straight: you flew all the way down to Miami and kidnapped me from my hotel room in the middle of the night just because you couldn't get an erection?

Boss Paul Vitti: Don't that prove I'm motivated?

Dr. Ben Sobel: You know, you can take a pill for that.

Boss Paul Vitti: Nah, you start with the pills, the next thing you know you're putting in hydraulics. A hard-on should be achieved legitimately or it shouldn't be achieved at all.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Hmm, I think Mark Twain said that, didn't he?

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Jimmy: You think those whales piss in that water?

Jelly: No, I think they use the men's room next to the Burger King.

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[Preparing to kill him]

Jelly: Sorry, Doc. Nothing personal.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Don't kid yourself, Jelly, it doesn't get more personal.

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Dr. Ben Sobel: They threw me in the shark tank, Paul! The shark tank!

Boss Paul Vitti: Hey, they were trying to make a point.

Dr. Ben Sobel: What, that you're a scary guy? Believe me, I get it.

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Boss Paul Vitti: [telling Ben about a dream after Jelly promises not to listen] My wife wakes me up, it's the middle of the night, the baby's crying. I go to the refrigerator to get a bottle of milk, and the milk is black.

Jelly: That's fuckin' weird.

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Dr. Ben Sobel: Doc, if you gotta talk, try to be vague. Can you do that?

Dr. Ben Sobel: I'm a psychiatrist. Believe me, I can be vague.

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Boss Paul Vitti: I can feel the juices rushing back to my balls as we speak.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Well, that's something I never thought I'd hear another man say to me.

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Boss Paul Vitti: I was Fredo? I don't think so.

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[Impersonating a gangster]

Dr. Ben Sobel: My name is Ben Sobel... -lioni. Ben Sobellioni. I'm also known as, uh, Benny the Groin, Sammy the Schnazz, Elmer the Fudd, Tubby the Tuba, and once as Miss Phyllis Levine.

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[Paul is anxious about his impotence]

Dr. Ben Sobel: I have to say, not being able to perform three or four times...

Boss Paul Vitti: Eight times.

Dr. Ben Sobel: ...eight times, is not catastrophic.

Boss Paul Vitti: Well, maybe not to you, look at you. But if I can't get it up, that makes me less of a man, and I can't have that. In my world I deal with animals, Doctor. They may seem dumb to an educated guy like you, but make no mistake, Doctor, animals are very cunning, and they sense weakness.

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[when two hit men attack Paul and Ben in a junkyard, Ben grabs Paul's gun and blindly shoots back - he straightens up and sees two dead men]

Dr. Ben Sobel: J-Jelly? Did I do that?

Jelly: No, Doc. That one's mine. You got the '72 Chevy, and the Amana side-by-side refrigerator-freezer.

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Caroline: [complaining about her ex-boyfriend] What do you think I should do?

Dr. Ben Sobel: Well, what I think you should do... is stop whining about this pathetic loser.

[Sobel stands up]

Dr. Ben Sobel: You are a tragedy queen! "Oh, Steve doesn't like me!" "Steve doesn't respect me!" Oh, who gives a shit? GET A FUCKIN' LIFE!

Caroline: Dr Sobel?

[Sobel, back in his chair, snaps out of a daze]

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Boss Paul Vitti: That's very good, here's you

[imitates Ben]

Boss Paul Vitti: "Oh, thats interesting. How does that *feel* to you? Anger is a blocked wish. Boo fuckin' hoo hoo."

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Dr. Ben Sobel: That's it! Over! I'm no longer your doctor!

Boss Paul Vitti: What? 'Cause of this?

Dr. Ben Sobel: Because of this little DOUBLE HOMICIDE? YES!

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Dr. Ben Sobel: But the black milk dream is also about your father.

Boss Paul Vitti: Nah, I don't buy that. In the dream, I'm bringing the baby the black milk.

Dr. Ben Sobel: But let's just say that you are the baby. Freud believed you're everyone in your dreams.

Boss Paul Vitti: Ah fuck Freud. After what you just told me, you know, I'm afraid to call my own mother on the phone!

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Dr. Ben Sobel: [to Patient/wife] "Here's what I think you should do, Elaine. I would do whatever he says. If he wants you to talk, talk. I would get on all fours and bark like a dog. I would do whatever it takes. Smoke some joints! Drink some wine! Whatever it is, to get off on each other and be happy. I mean, come on, look at the two of you! Where are you running? This is the time to be happy! Life is just too short! Too FUCKING short!"

Elaine Felton: [Patient/wife, turning to look at husband and smiling at each other] "OK."

Dr. Ben Sobel: [to both husband and wife] "See you Thursday."

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Boss Paul Vitti: So, did you take care of that thing I asked you about?

Carlo Mangano: It's all right to talk business in front of your friend?

Boss Paul Vitti: It's okay.

Carlo Mangano: I took care of it.

Boss Paul Vitti: How about the other thing?

Carlo Mangano: I got to wait for the first thing to come through, before I can move on the second thing.

Boss Paul Vitti: That guy give you a problem or...?

Carlo Mangano: The guy on the first thing?

Boss Paul Vitti: Yeah.

Carlo Mangano: He's a lunatic.

Boss Paul Vitti: What did he say?

Carlo Mangano: The usual.

Boss Paul Vitti: Did you tell him you weren't going for it?

Carlo Mangano: What am I gonna do, Paul?

Boss Paul Vitti: You gotta nip that shit right in the bud.

Carlo Mangano: But if the first thing comes through, that'll fix everything.

Boss Paul Vitti: Exactly. Including the second thing.

Carlo Mangano: Absolutely.

Boss Paul Vitti: Exactly.

[Paul Vitti turns to Ben Sobel]

Boss Paul Vitti: Don't repeat what you hear here. You hear?

Dr. Ben Sobel: What? The first thing or the second thing?

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Primo: Everybody knows there's been this thing between me and Paul Vitti for a long time.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Which thing are you talking about? The first thing or the second thing?

Primo: What second thing? I only know one thing.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Hey, how can we bring up the first thing if we're not gonna talk about the second thing. Did you talk to the guy?

Primo: What guy?

Dr. Ben Sobel: The guy with the thing!

Primo: What thing? What the fuck are you talking about?

Dr. Ben Sobel: How should I know? You brought it up.

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Dominic: Times are changing. You've got to change with the times.

Boss Paul Vitti: What, am I supposed to get a fuckin' website?

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Boss Paul Vitti: You know me?

Dr. Ben Sobel: Yes.

Boss Paul Vitti: No you don't.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Okay.

Boss Paul Vitti: You see my picture in the paper?

Dr. Ben Sobel: Yes.

Boss Paul Vitti: No you didn't.

Dr. Ben Sobel: I don't even get the paper.

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Primo: I'd like to see a movie, but it's nothing but this shoot-em-up action bullshit. I get enough of that at work.

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Michael Sobel: Was that really Paul Vitti?

Dr. Ben Sobel: Well, I didn't ask to see his Mafia decoder ring, but yes.

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Michael Sobel: Dad has a patient who thinks he shits trout.

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Dr. Ben Sobel: Paul, you have to channel all this nice grief into a murderous rage.

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Boss Paul Vitti: [to the "Captain"] Hey, why don't you look over that way before I bust you in your fuckin' head.

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Dr. Ben Sobel: I am redefining weird on an hourly basis.

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Dr. Ben Sobel: You know normally a patient wouldn't have a vat of Scotch during a session.

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Primo: Get a dictionary. Find out what this "closure" thing is. If that's what he's going to hit us with, I want to be ready.

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Dr. Ben Sobel: You know what I do when I'm angry? I hit a pillow. Just hit the pillow, see how you feel.

[Vitti pulls out a gun and shoots a pillow]

Boss Paul Vitti: There's your fuckin' pillow.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Feel better?

Boss Paul Vitti: Yeah, I do.

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Dr. Ben Sobel: You broke my heart, Jelly, you broke my heart.

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Boss Paul Vitti: Fuck Freud.

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[Ben Sobel is in a bathroom stall of Paul Vitti's favorite restaurant trying to remove an FBI wire from his chest with Jelly standing outside. He hears Ben grunting and swearing]

Jelly: You should get more roughage in your diet, Doc. A bran muffin in the morning would help that...

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Dr. Ben Sobel: This is impossible. This is you: "Doc, I'm in pain, you gotta help me." "Okay, Paul, I'll help you." "Fuck you! Nobody helps Paul Viti!"

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Boss Paul Vitti: [narrating] 1957 was a big year. The Russians put that Sputnik into outer space, the Dodgers played their last game at Ebbets Field to say goodbye to Brooklyn, that guy shot Frank Costello in the head, and missed, and the Gallo brothers whacked Albert Anastasia in the barber shop of the Sheraton View hotel. It was total chaos. With Anastasia out of the way, Vito Genovese figures he's the big boss. But Carlo Gambino and Joe Bananas, they had other ideas. So they called a meeting. A big meeting.

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[Vitti is trying to forgive Primo for attempting to whack him]

Boss Paul Vitti: And hopefully, hopefully... if you make one more move on me, you motherfucker, I'll fuckin' cut your fuckin' balls off and shove 'em up your fuckin' ass. I'll fuckin' bury you! I'm gonna stick ice picks in your eyes and send 'em to your family so they can eat them for dessert!

Primo: Hey, Paul.

Boss Paul Vitti: What?

Primo: Fuck you.

Boss Paul Vitti: [throws down phone] That motherfucker!

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FBI Agent Steadman: Dr. Sobel, Mam. I'm Agent Steadman, Agent Ricci, Agent Provano, Federal Bureau Of Investigation, OCD.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

FBI Agent Ricci: Organized Crime Division. We need to talk.

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Scott MacNamara: You're Paul Vitti. The Mobster

Boss Paul Vitti: Now is that polite? Is that nice? I'm tryin' to be nice over here. Do I go up to you and say, "Hey, you're so-and-so, the Hard-On?"

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Dr. Ben Sobel: Well, you said you were fighting. You were rebelling against his authority. There may have been some unresolved Oedipal conflict.

Boss Paul Vitti: English.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Oedipus was a Greek king who killed his father and married his mother.

Boss Paul Vitti: Fuckin' Greeks.

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Boss Paul Vitti: The other day, I was watching a commercial with a kid playing with a couple of puppies, I cried for forty five minutes! You slap a pair of tits on me, I'm a woman!

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Dr. Ben Sobel: Dad, you're not coming to my wedding?

Dr. Isaac Sobel: We wanna be there, but I've got three book signings next weekend. I can't piss off these big bookstores! If I cancel, they stick me down on the bottom shelves. That's the way they are.

Dr. Ben Sobel: I know, that's the word on the street. Barnes is okay, but that Noble is a vindictive prick.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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