After Kyle clicks on the latest iTunes user agreement without reading it, Steve Jobs forces him to be an unwilling participant in his latest project. Meanwhile, Cartman equates his mom not giving him an iPad to sexual abuse.
After Jimmy declares that the Germans are the least funny people in the world in his comedy awards show, they retaliate by creating "Funnybot" an automated comedian who is so funny that it puts all other comedians out of work.
During the televised Canadian royal wedding, the bride-to-be is kidnapped by an unknown entity. After a call to arms is issued to Canadians, Ike travels to Canada, abandoning his role in Mr. Mackey's kindergarten play about dental hygiene.
Thinking the school has posted the size of all the kid's penises for the whole school to see, Cartman works all the boys up into tizzy. The principal decides it's time to address Cartman's anger issues by having him take anger management classes. Cartman uses his anger to enrage the class and hold a business hostage. Stan's dad decides to teach the students how to properly measure penis size, using complex mathematical formulas.
Feeling guilty after watching another commercial about helpless children set to Sarah McLachlan singing, Kyle volunteers and is shocked to find Cartman helping crack babies at the hospital already. Kyle gets drawn into Cartman's despicable plot, thinking he can also help the crack babies.
Stan turns ten years old and suddenly things change and everything is seems like crap to him; music, movies, food, and life in general, and his friends can't stand him anymore. Randy's sudden obsession with Tween Wave music causes a rift in his marriage which this time may actually end it.
During a game of border patrol vs. Mexicans, where the kids play the two groups, Butters goes missing and eventually winds up in Mexico where he becomes their new leader, Mantequilla. Suddenly legal and illegal alien Mexicans flood back across the border to Mexico for a better life because of the decline of the U.S. economy. Eric joins the U.S. border patrol and squares off against Butters.
Kids at South Park Elementary School become enthralled with a new website called EavesDropper, which updates daily with secrets students don't want to get out. After news of a student crapping his pants leaks, Principal Victoria and staff bribe Eric into finding a way to make the problem go away. Meanwhile the Stand and Kyle try to stop the culprit responsible.
Upset that the entire school has to exercise extra hard because one student, Eric, is too fat, the school plots revenge against him. When things dear to Eric start getting destroyed, he goes on a hunt to find out whom is responsible.
Upon Eric's advice, the boys use The History Channel's special on the first thanksgiving, to write their school report, but Stan has misgivings when the special insists aliens were part of it. A secret organization, a pilgrim from outer space, a stuffing shortage, and war between two worlds hangs in the balance and only the boys are caught in the midst of it all.
After Kenny's parents are arrested and he and his siblings are sent to a foster home, Eric searches for who is the new poor kid in South Park and the results are shocking. Mysterion must help his brother and sister and the rest of the foster children get out of the abusive foster home.