Butters fake his own death and disguises himself as a girl so he can infiltrate a sleepover and steal a fortune telling device from the girls. Meanwhile, Butters' father turns to the occult to bring back his son.
After Stan scores a remarkably high "Thetan Level" at a Scientology center, he is considered to be the reincarnation of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. John Travolta, Tom Cruise and other Scientologists go to South Park to convince Stan to be their leader, but when Stan makes disparaging remarks about Cruise's acting, the movie star locks himself inside a bedroom closet. R&B singer R. Kelly is recruited to get Tom Cruise to come out of the closet, but eventually Kelly, as well as Travolta, find themselves all trapped in the closet.
Randy is forced to go to AA meetings, where he becomes convinced that he has a disease. Desperate, he and Stan go on a pilgrimage to a statue of the virgin Mary that is miraculously bleeding from its ass.