Cartman launches a gemstones network show and creates a very lucrative business. Stan searches for the real value of a piece of jewelry that was a gift from his Grandpa. Meanwhile, Cartmans lucrative new business preys upon an extremely vulnerable clientele.
Eric, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny go ziplining but find it's incredibly boring and the fellow ziplining tourists drive them crazy. Now they must do all that they can to escape from the group and get off the mountain back to normal life.
Angered over the overly sensitive parents in South Park over their kids playing football because of recent news about concussions, Randy invents the game Sarcastaball in order to get people to see how stupid they've been. But when everybody takes it seriously, Randy ends up begrudgingly taking the game national. Butters, the most knowledgeable of the game, becomes the coach for the kids.
Cartman finally realizes he is fat and decides to do something about it: get a mobility scooter. Between so many fat people on scooter chairs and Honey Boo Boo, James Cameron realizes the societal bar as been lowered too low, and goes on a deep sea expedition to find the bar to raise it.
After Ike accidentally sees mom and dad having sex, with Gerald dressed as a UPS man, and tells Kyle, the kids create a stir leading men in South Park thinking the UPS man is secretly having sex with their wives or even raping them. They decide to do something about it. MEanwhile they and the kids are getting worried and start getting a personal security system called Insecurity.
Butters starts acting out, yelling, telling people off, and even beating one kid up. Little does Butters know, but he's reached a special age and that there's more going on than he knows, and that he wasn't born in South Park.
The boys are excited to go Trick-or-Treating, dressed as the Avengers, but Stan is unable to come because Randy has bought a Blockbuster Video franchise location in South Park and needs everybody ready to help with the Halloween rental rush.
The world is rocked by news that a performance enhancing drug was found in test results from Jesus, used to make his miracles and thus did not die for our sins, and now people across the world become disillusioned, except Stan who refuses to cut his What Would Jesus Do? bracelet off. And in the process Stan inadvertently creates a world wide movement.