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Greetings again, all persons! you are wishing for to read of the stars
wars: attacking of clones, yes? Much did i enjoy such! The specials
affects are cold, and action leaves the you not in wanting!! also are you
to lust for the Padmen, who is firm and much of the beauty!
How ever, the acts of one called And Akin are much like of the trees, no?? Stiff and not to move! His word are was weak, and to cause much mirth!! Watch for great the fight of Count Dookdu and Gango Fett, it is of small stature!
But still, I am thinking for to give this film three distant suns of four distant suns!!
Let's face it. We're angry. We're angry because the bearded one who
blessed our childhood with adventure and action figures decided enough
was enough. Looking out over his empire/ranch, the bearded one
stretched out his hand and said "And lo! It is time you kids learnt
about relationships, politics and stuff." So yes, we're angry. We want
our toys back.
But can we really be angry with George? Most kids that play with action figures get to a point where they like to pit them against each other in a fight to the death. Or hurl them off something high. Or strap them to a firework a la Sid from Toy Story. (Despite what Pixar want you to think, Sid is not evil. He's you and I... you know it's true...) Or they build a Lego house and smash the tiny little plastic yellow faces out of it. They do this because kids that like Star Wars have an appetite for destruction. If they didn't, they'd watch Star Trek Voyager.
So how are we any different from George? He created a stunning trilogy in Episodes IV, V and VI. Not the most well-written I agree, but one of the most fun! Then he made the prequels, and smashed the stuffing out the legacy and reputation he had made for himself. Because he could. Because he's rich and they're HIS toys!
I watched this film at the cinema about 10 years ago. I had convinced myself it was better than Episode I. Until I watched it again last week on the telly and decided it was in my top five worst films of all time. It made me balk and shake my fist. Deep down though, I wonder whether I'd have done the same thing if they were MY toys.
But yeah, this film is awful. In every way.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
After a disappointing start to a trilogy of prequels to the greatest
Sci Fi saga of all time, I started to have my doubts they would pull
this one off.
Boy did I get a slap in the face!
The plot goes like this;
Jedi padawan Anikin Skywalker is assigned to protect a senator of the war torn planet of Naboo from a series of assassination attempts. His Jedi Master, Obi wan Kinobi, stumbles across a unknown planet that was not supposed to exist. He also discovers that a bunch of cloners called the Kaminoains are establishing a mighty army at the request of a Jedi who has been dead for a long time. The army is said to be given to the Galatic republic to fight the growing separatist forces, which are having traitorous thoughts about the capital.
The plot line is VERY deep in this movie. You may need to watch Star Wars The Phantom Menace to get most of the information portrayed in the film. The movie consists of multiple mysterious plot lines which all click together by the end.
As always in the Star Wars films, the acting is great. There are many scenes of high expression especially from Obi-Wan and Anikin. The actors put a lot of passion into what they are saying and they really make the film believable.
This time round, the movie is a little slow to start off. There are just talk of assassination and the discovery of a new planet. This part of the film plays out like a crime thriller with lots of Sci Fi element thrown in. When Obi Wan gets to the planet he has been searching for, Kamino, the movie really gets going. Obi Wan bumps into a bounty hunter named Jango Fett. Jango is one of the main reasons why I like the film so much. From the first time you see him in his blue battle Armour, you instantly like the character. He exploits many tools and weapons from 2 personalised blaster pistols to a jet pack that fires rockets. In every scene you see him fighting he uses a new weapon to keep you interested. Fans of the original will recognise that the armour is identical to the armour of another bounty hunter Boba. You find out that this guy is actually Boba fett's Father. We also see a young Boba Fett which we had not seen before. This was intriguing in itself, but in a way, it sort of zaps out the ruthlessness of the original character, who's past had been shrouded in mystery until now. We finally find out that Boba Fett is actually a clone of his father and is basically the same type of clone as the millions being made for the republic. The character's background seemed unnecessary but it was quite entertaining to find out his origins.
The middle half of the film is spent on the desert planet, Tatooinee, like they did with the first prequel. Why they included this part I don't know but what do know is that Star Wars films need to cut down on it! Most of the scenes in the first film (A New Hope)took place on the same planet, but they were't half as uninteresting as these scenes. Anyway, Anikin, after going to tatooinee against order, sets off to find his mother who was captured by native scum. She Dies and Anikin takes a hissy fit saying he could have saved her. That sums up about 30 minutes of the film. WASTE OF TIME!
Finally, they move to a planet Geienosis (Probably not spelt right), yet again without permission. This time it's to help Obi-Wan, who was captured by the separatists. They all eventually get caught and are sentenced to death by three of the strangest looking creatures. They break free and a huge battle take place. IT'S HUGE! Monsters run about trying to kill the Jedi, Battle droids come out and start blasting the the monsters and the Jedi frantically dodge them. Massive amounts of battle droids come out, and start blowing stuff up. Just when you think you can't take much more, about 70-80 Jedi jump out of nowhere and join the fight. It gets really hectic when huge gunships swoop down and bombard all the droids. This is probably the biggest battle I have ever seen in a film! It's high octane stuff that will blast you out of your seats. Watch this sequence on the biggest TV you can find and use the biggest speakers money can buy. You will NOT be disappointed, Trust me!
The film contains some of the best movie music I have ever heard. Some of the gentle music is extremely appealing and I advise all movie music fans to buy the CD Soundtrack. It's just beautiful.
With Fantastic Acting, great duologue and FANTASTIC ACTION SECQANCES it is hard not to love the film. An Action fan's dream and a Sci Fi junky's dream. Definitely one of my favourites of the series.
Wow, I went into this movie thinking it would be okay but I was sorely mistaken. This movie was incredibly boring, oh my gosh. About an hour into and I really really wanted to leave, or at least fall asleep. I thought all the other movies were just fine but this was just bad. Even the scene between Yoda and the bad guy was just dumb. I also think they shouldn't have had the love thing going on 'cuz that just seemed like it took away from the movie.
"Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace" was one of the most
colossally disappointing films I've ever seen in my life. Now comes the
second installment in George Lucas's prequel trilogy to the epic
narrative that broke box office records and set standards for
generations to come. The second movie detailing the past of Darth
Vader, "Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones" is a little bit
better, but that's not quite enough to make it a recommendable movie.
It's close, but not quite. If it only they had thrown out Jar-Jar Binks
(yes, I still cringe every time I think of that bumbling, frog-like
freak), patched up some mediocre dialogue, reworked this sappy love
story, and captured a better sense of the magic that we require for a
Star Wars movie, it would have worked.
In this one, Anakin Skywalker is grown up to a young Jedi and played by Hayden Christianson. Since Qui-Gon's dead, he is being taught by Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor). While Obi-Wan's out fighting evil, Anakin begins a forbidden romance with Padme (Natalie Portman) and of course, well, trouble begins and lasers are blasting and...yeah....
Now, I have nothing against a love story. Some of my all-time favorite movies are love stories. But I require two things: a good story and a conviction that the lovers are in deed, in love. I got neither of those from this. The 'romance' between Christianson and Portman is very shallow with utterly ridiculous and hammy dialogue such as "to me, you will always be that little boy on Tatooine." Thus, in the end, this subplot is boring, tiresome, and sappy. Not a good combination and not what we want to see in any element of a Star Wars movie. I thought Jack Lloyd was not a very good young Anakin Skywalker in "The Phantom Menace" and Hayden Christianson is awkward and wasted here in a miscast role. Again, with this, we need to have that daunting feeling that Anakin, young, innocent, and loyal to the Jedi will one day betray them and become a cold-blooded killer. We don't get that feeling. Because the original narrative and this new one don't seem to be related beyond plot. The original trilogy was artistic, imaginative, and realized good characters and stories. This new one is just like a hokey video game.
Unfortunately, the screenplay entire is crippled by bad dialogue and unnecessary characters. However, I am not going to trash on this movie too much, because I must admit, it was very close for me. There was more of an adventurous sense to the picture, which was absent in "The Phantom Menace", and I really enjoyed some parts including a scene where Anakin, Padme, and Obi-Wan have to fight with three alien monsters in a ring very much like the gladiatorial fights of Ancient Rome. And thankfully, Jar-Jar Binks has a much smaller part in this picture. That's always a relief. Overall, it's not too bad of a picture. It's tolerable, but it doesn't quite deserve to bear the words Star Wars in its title. Thankfully, by the third prequel, "Revenge of the Sith", things would improve.
Unless you're a diehard Star Wars fan don't waste your time. The movie is nice to look at. But the acting is wooden and stale. And things just happen to characters that one really has no emotional attachment to. This may be mediocre as a Star Wars movie but as a regular movie its barely tolerable.
What was it that set Darth Vader off to join the dark side of the
force? This film suggests several possibilities: 1) The killing of his
mother by Tusken Raiders caused him to channel John Wayne in 'The
Searchers.' 2) Getting passed over during the N' Sync tryouts. 3)
Discovering the woman of his dreams, upon closer inspection, is a
carbonite mannequin. 4) Excess pressure on the back of his head from
the so-'90s rattail he wears. 5) The shock of learning his father was
evil guy Cole from "Bachelor Party."
Hayden Christensen reminds me a lot of the character Robert Prescott played in "Bachelor Party," and that's not a good thing. Prescott's supposed to be comically over-the-top in his smugness and arrogance. As I understand the story of "Attack Of The Clones," young Anakin Skywalker is not comic relief. He is challenged by forces within him he can't control, and a sense of outrage at the way things are. He doesn't like being an apprentice, and he doesn't understand why his love for Princess (oops, now Senator) Amidala is not returned. It's a tough part, not Hamlet, but requires a more nuanced delivery than Christensen seems able to provide. Instead he sort of throws up a series of Tiger Beat poses. He sneers. He smirks. He seethes. Petulance is not a trait that makes one like a character. Before this film was over, I felt like yelling "Hurry up and turn to the dark side so I can feel better about hating you!"
Christensen is just one actor, but he is required to carry "Attack of the Clones" in a way no actor has before in the "Star Wars" series. So it's impossible to look past him and say something akin to "Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?" Here Christensen is the play.
Getting another actor would have improved things a little, but not too much. The acting in "Attack of the Clones" is across-the-board abysmal. We lose the best in 'Phantom Menace,' Liam Neeson and (except for an embarrassingly clichéd death scene) Pernilla August. The remaining actors, Ewan MacGregor and especially Natalie Portman, slide into a state of near-catatonia. Portman's tight white lycra skinsuit means she's not only sexy but unencumbered by the ornate regalia that limited her projection in "Phantom Menace." So how come she's more wooden than ever? Obviously the direction was a problem. Lucas is legendarily weak at providing acting direction, but every one of the "Star Wars" films until this had at least serviceable performances. This was one of the worst-acted films I have seen, and I saw "Manos: Hands Of Fate."
The annoying trait Lucas has of connecting everything with everything else finally comes a cropper here, after threatening to do so in "Phantom Menace." The Imperial Stormtroopers, it turns out, are cloned knock-offs of the father of one Boba Fett, future bounty hunter supreme. Why him? And why is the guy moonlighting as an assassin and not telling his boss about his sideline activity? We discover Anakin's mother was sold to some moisture farmers on Tatoonie with a suspiciously familiar love of blue milk. So why does someone get the bright idea of stashing away Darth Vader's offspring with the Evil One's own stepbrother, on Darth's home planet? The problem was the first time Lucas threw a connection at us, in 'Empire Strikes Back,' it was undeniably cool, maybe the best thing in the series. Now he can't resist four or five more trips to the well with each new picture. Meanwhile, his galaxy is becoming more inbred than a kennel of pugs.
The story is more a series of set pieces than any in the saga, with no solid "through line" as screenwriters call it. Everyone runs off in different directions, and characters act with sudden bursts of motivation ascribed to strange feelings or catch-what-can. Christopher Lee's Count Dooku (or was that Duke Countoo) shows up as an interesting character that Lucas seems to want to make us wonder about, in a scene where he warns an imprisoned Obi-Wan about the influence of the Dark Side at the helm of the Republic and promises to help get him free. In that scene, he sounds like a renegade, even an ally. But then Dooku drops the charade and just sends Obi-Wan off to die. What was the point of having the scene in the first place? And also, if Dooku is a Jedi of such great skill, shouldn't he or someone in his great army have their sensors on when an armada of starships appears in the sky overhead?
I like some things in the movie. As video wallpaper, it's kind of neat. The Stormtrooper arrival is fun, and Yoda's light saber battle. But the 'Star Wars' fan in me was bitterly disappointed.
I'm sure Episode 3 will explain all these things away, and bring cohesion to Lucas' epic storyline. There's a better way for Lucas to have pulled that off: Stopping the series at "Empire Strikes Back." Am I the only one who wishes he did?
* Terrible * * Below Par * * * Not Bad * * * * Good * * * * *
Last year did not see many, if not any really good summer blockbuster movies. The usual clutch of commercial popcorn movies were hurled at us from those big wigs at Hollywood and one that stuck in my mind was this effort. Not because it was the best. Oh, no. Because it was undeniably in my opinion the biggest load of garbage since 'The Phantom Menace' three years previously.
Over the years George Lucas has released wave upon wave of movie as a producer that was not as big as the good yet over rated star wars movies(Apart from the Indiana Jones movies). The 1986 effort of Howard: A New breed of Hero was a huge turkey of a movie that flopped big time at the box office. The fantasy adventure movie he produced which Ron Howard directed, called 'Willow' with Val Kilmer was a better effort but also failed to bring in the audiences.
So why people went to see this drivel is any one's guess.Personally I believe they were hoping for an improvement. Don't get me wrong. I was one of them. Having seen both trailers for Episode II for free(I work in a cinema)I was quite hopeful from the look of them. Boy, was I wrong.
This segment in the Star Wars saga concerns the young Anakin Skywalker (Played here by new comer Hayden Christiensen). No longer the little boy we saw in Episode I: The Phantom menace, but a nineteen year old Padawan apprentice to now, Master Jedi Obi-Wan-Kenobi(Ewan MacGregor reprising the roll).
Ten years have passed since the battle of Naboo and the two Jedi are given the task by the Jedi high council of protecting Padme Amidala (Nathalie Portman), once ruler of Naboo she has now become a senator to her home world. Her life is being threatened by a separatist movement lead by the enigmatic Count Dooku,(Christopher Lee) a former Jedi Master who detests the ever growing corruption in the galactic senate and plans to put a stop to it by what ever means he sees fit.
The reason for the threat on Padme's life is the fact that she plans to put a vote in the senate that will enable the senate to build a grand army of the republic to combat against the seperatists. The Jedi's number are not strong enough to cope against the many that are out there. As Jedi Master Mace Windu states, 'We are keepers of the peace. Not soldiers.'
Of course as always things are not quite as they seem and the events of the movie will lead Anakin back to his home planet of Tataooine and the grim realisation of what has become of his mother. Not only that but we witness the first unsubtle steps he will take to joining the Darkside.
Sadly however, the promise that the movie had is compeletly lost in a badly written script with characters who are never well enough drawn out. Anakin who is so woodenly portrayed by Canadian new comer Hayden Christiensen does not come across as a idealistic young apprentice coping with the enormity incredible powers, so much as a spoiled brat who forever has a hissy fit when he doesn't get his own way. You constantly wonder why Obi-Wan as he states in the previous trilogy, loved him so much.
Ewan Macgregor does a slightly better job as Anakin's supposed friend and Master Obi-Wan Kenobi.Now no longer the rebellious apprentice he was in the Phantom Menace he is a wiser more medetive man. However Macgregor can't seem to fully convince as the younger Obi-Wan.He is unable to harness Alec Guinesse's mannerism's voice and the character is so different. Too different from the older man he becomes. Never the less Macgregor does apear to have fun in the roll.
Nathalie Portman like Christiensen is undeniably flat in her portrayal. She lacks the charisma to make Padme the fully memorable character that Princess Leia was in the earlier film's. But then that's probably down more to the writing of the script than her boring performance.
The rest of the supporting cast with the exception of maybe Christopher lee is absoleutly terrible. A normally reliable Samuel L. Jackson tries bravely to cope with the script but sadly fails while Ian Mcdiarmid as the future Emperor, Chancellor Palpatine fall short of expectations.
One of the few wise moves that Lucas makes his decreasing the screen time of one of the most unpopular characters from the first movie. That of Jar-Jar Binks. It's good to see that he at least listened to the fans when it came to this irritating character. Shame he couldn't erase him completly.
In surmising Episode II has very slight redeeming features but none to prevent it from being possibly just as bad as 'The Phantom Menace'. Lucas has tried telling a story in at two hours and twenty minutes is just not quite long enough and feels a bit rushed. If you do really want to see this film rent it out. But don't make the mistake of buying it. Robs Rating: *
I am a Star Wars fan. When I say this I refer to the 'original' trilogy
(A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi).
I am not however a fan of what they are trying to pass off with the 'Star Wars' title these days. These 3 films are terrible (Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith).
The Characters are poor, there are too many random characters crammed in. Was this an attempt to make as many toys to cash in on as possible?
The computer generated graphics are over the top and obvious, I sometimes feel like I'm watching a computer game rather than a serious film. Yoda is a prime example... what have they done to him!? I'm just glad that his puppet form died before he could see this happen.
Everything is too high tech from weapons to Space Crafts, they can come up with all the reasons under the sun of why they are more high tech, but the fact is that the designers were simply trying to be clever and were making 'new' ideas rather than keeping in line with the original trilogy.
The script and acting seems to be very forced and weak, you can tell that a lot of the actors are attempting accents poorly. There are too many boring scenes with the council talking (especially Phantom Menace) What makes that more frustrating is all of the CGI.
George Lucas... I enjoyed Howard the Duck a lot more... and that's got to be saying something.
I consider myself a patient person, I can sit through a lot. This
movie, however, was too much. I was at a friend's house and I had not
yet seen Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. I was somewhat afraid because
I love the original Star Wars movies, and I even enjoyed the third one
(though it was not nearly as good as the originals). However, I hated
Star Wars: Episode I. As I sat on the couch waiting for the movie to
begin, I wondered if I would like it. Little did I know, I would have
much rather been in Uganda doing manual labor than having to sit
through that awful movie. Here are my reasons:
1) The dialog was terrible (I know George Lucas has never been known for great dialog...but this was just unfathomable)
2) Mr. Lucas tried to make the movie into some sort of drama (I'm speaking for Episodes I and III also) rather than sticking to the fun originals.
3) He tried to make the audience feel Anakin's "deep inner struggles" but it turned into a flop because the dialog was such as: "I...I...I just can't breathe without you." and "Where I come from it is so rocky, but here it's so soft and smooth."
4) George Lucas had an interesting idea of dwelling on how Anikan became Darth Vader, but he didn't have enough to go on so he tried filling the rest in with bits and scraps that made the movie look poorly put together.
After I watched the movie (barely being able sit through it at all) I went and did something productive like renting the "The Grapes of Wrath" which is actually good. I understand that if you're some sort of Star Wars fanatic you'll think me an idiot and you'll say this is the best movie that' s been made in the past 10 years. That's why I didn't aim this review at people like you because you're just stubborn mules with no taste and you take offense much too easily. I aimed this review at those of you who aren't Star Wars fanatics, because if you haven't already seen it...just skip it.
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