Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
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Index 3421 reviews in total 

4 out of 4 people found the following review useful:

What a piece of...

1/10
Author: joekay (joekayone@gmail.com) from New York City
10 October 2003

It is time to set things straight, and bring the true balance to the Force in the field of cinema -- Episodes I and II should forever be banned from being associated to the original triology. I don't care if they involve same characters with same names. I don't care if it is set in the same galaxy far, far away that same long time ago. These two movies have forever marred the legacy of Star Wars.

What a piece of junk this one was! This was worse that Episode II. Okay, I did have a bias going into the theaters -- not that of high expectation, but with a very LOW one. Alas, those trailers only got me excited about going to the theater with my friends and point out all the hilarious scenes that the previews provided; especially parts involving the absurd "love" story. Who wrote this crap? It was like an unhappy medium between the dialogues in "Sleepless in Seattle" and "Spawn". And what about direction on acting, or lack there of? Did George Lucas just let the actors say the line once and finish the rest of the scene in CG lab? Or did he intentionally direct them to speak in as boring fashion as possible?

Anakin Skywalker, of course, was not a flat character, oh no. He was waaaay too much of a drama queen. Look, this is someone who, although a teenager, grows up to be the most dark (literally), mysterious, fear-inspiring (and thus, undoubtly coolest) character in cinematic history. And here he is, 18 years old (or something like that), crying like a baby about not getting any from the former Queen Amidala and crying like a bitch about how Obiwan is holding him back. What a joke of a character! I already have less respect for Darth Vader because of what has been done in this movie. It's like seeing a "Before They Were Stars" video on Vader and poking fun at stupid stuff that he used to do before hitting the big time. Of course, in my universe, I'm still in denial that Episodes I and II are NOT part of the whole Star Wars saga.

And there are a WHOLE lot more complaints, but I trust that the sensible moviegoers who post these reviews have done enough bashing on this decrepit piece of turd already. But before I finish, I must share an Episode II opening night experience that my friend had.

The theater was packed with fans watching the movie (many with utter discontent and shock), it reached the part when Anakin was having a little fireside chat with Amidala, crying (like a baby) about love, how horny he is, etc. He says something like this: "That kiss that you should never have given me haunts me every night...(sob sob, whine whine)...I'm in AGONY!" And then a brilliantly witty man stands up from his seat in the theater and shouts out loud:

"So are WE!"

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6 out of 8 people found the following review useful:

The best part was the THX logo

1/10
Author: Nyx_Selene (nyx.selene@gmail.com) from Sweden
10 October 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

"The Final Sacrifice" has been called the movie that is 100% deus ex machina. Well, here's the TRILOGY that is 100% deus ex machina. Words cannot describe how terribly bad this movie is, but an easy summary, is that every single thing in the movie, is the exact opposite of what would make sense. It is also another perfect example of what happens when movie-related merchandise becomes the goal of movie-making, instead of a bi-product.

First of all, Anakin is all grown up, Amidala is a senator, Palpatine is chancellor, we're told that Anakin is Obi-Wan's apprentice and C-3PO and R2-D2 are around, so the first movie didn't need to be made at all. This is practically an all together new story, and everything worth mentioning from episode one could be squeezed into the first five minutes of it.

Second of all… well, everything. Amidala knows that someone's trying to kill her, but does nothing to hide. She constantly resides near the biggest windows she can find. A shape-shifter assassin shows up, but tries to kill Amidala using bugs. The Jedi meant to protect Amidala both chase after the assassin, but instead of just shifting shape and going back to finish the job, she tries to kill the Jedi instead.

To protect her, they send Amidala back home, with Anakin, who's obviously in love with her, but is forbidden to love anyone. (Does anyone know why that is? When Yoda said that the Force was "strong in your family. Pass on what you have learned" to Luke, I got the impression that the ability to use the Force was somewhat hereditary. But since the Jedi can't have families, according to the new trilogy, this ability is completely random. It doesn't at all explain why it would be strong in an entire family, or why Anakin's or Luke's children would automatically get it.) She takes him to the most romantic place imaginable and walks around in practically no clothes at all, while telling him how impossible his love is. Now, I may have used my looks to get some free drinks, but hell, I've never been THAT cruel. But she falls for him anyway, because he… talks about sand. And kills an entire village. And whines about Obi-Wan pretty much non-stop. And he acts like a 10-year-old. And he constantly stares at her creepily as hell. Know what, Mr. Lucas? This is the kind of guy women usually get restraining orders against. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan goes to a town that looks almost exactly like Cloud City. Were they built by the same contractor?

They end up on some bug-planet, where they fight bugs, useless robots and Count Dooku. This is probably meant to be a big, spectacular Colosseum-like arena scene, but it's so cluttered you can't even see what goes on in it. There are so many light-sabers in it, though, that had it been darker, I'd have guessed rave party.

The idiotic things relieve each other in this movie, and so do the game-hype sequences. There are high-speed chases that are ironically at least 20 minutes too long, then some crap in a factory that reminds me of 80's platform games, and there are light-sabers EVERYwhere, all the time. I'm willing to bet they use them as reading lamps too. I won't count, but the light-saber shots probably make up more than half of the movie. Apparently, people can hardly even get dressed without using a light-saber. In the original trilogy, this was the coolest weapon ever. In this movie, it's so over-used it's about as exciting as a flash-light.

The fact that this is what's spat out of the computer when George Lucas can bring to the screen everything he can imagine, makes me start wondering exactly how awful a film-maker he really is. After all, it's now more than clear that everything amazing about the original trilogy must have been thanks to other people. In fact, the only other name that comes to mind when watching crap of this magnitude is Uwe Boll. I could have said Ed Wood, but I won't, because while Ed Wood was god awful at nearly everything cinematic, at least he had heart and cared about his stories.

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8 out of 12 people found the following review useful:

well, it's a bit better than "The Phantom Menace", but that isn't saying a whole lot

6/10
Author: TheUnknown837-1 from United States
12 February 2010

"Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace" was one of the most colossally disappointing films I've ever seen in my life. Now comes the second installment in George Lucas's prequel trilogy to the epic narrative that broke box office records and set standards for generations to come. The second movie detailing the past of Darth Vader, "Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones" is a little bit better, but that's not quite enough to make it a recommendable movie. It's close, but not quite. If it only they had thrown out Jar-Jar Binks (yes, I still cringe every time I think of that bumbling, frog-like freak), patched up some mediocre dialogue, reworked this sappy love story, and captured a better sense of the magic that we require for a Star Wars movie, it would have worked.

In this one, Anakin Skywalker is grown up to a young Jedi and played by Hayden Christianson. Since Qui-Gon's dead, he is being taught by Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor). While Obi-Wan's out fighting evil, Anakin begins a forbidden romance with Padme (Natalie Portman) and of course, well, trouble begins and lasers are blasting and...yeah....

Now, I have nothing against a love story. Some of my all-time favorite movies are love stories. But I require two things: a good story and a conviction that the lovers are in deed, in love. I got neither of those from this. The 'romance' between Christianson and Portman is very shallow with utterly ridiculous and hammy dialogue such as "to me, you will always be that little boy on Tatooine." Thus, in the end, this subplot is boring, tiresome, and sappy. Not a good combination and not what we want to see in any element of a Star Wars movie. I thought Jack Lloyd was not a very good young Anakin Skywalker in "The Phantom Menace" and Hayden Christianson is awkward and wasted here in a miscast role. Again, with this, we need to have that daunting feeling that Anakin, young, innocent, and loyal to the Jedi will one day betray them and become a cold-blooded killer. We don't get that feeling. Because the original narrative and this new one don't seem to be related beyond plot. The original trilogy was artistic, imaginative, and realized good characters and stories. This new one is just like a hokey video game.

Unfortunately, the screenplay entire is crippled by bad dialogue and unnecessary characters. However, I am not going to trash on this movie too much, because I must admit, it was very close for me. There was more of an adventurous sense to the picture, which was absent in "The Phantom Menace", and I really enjoyed some parts including a scene where Anakin, Padme, and Obi-Wan have to fight with three alien monsters in a ring very much like the gladiatorial fights of Ancient Rome. And thankfully, Jar-Jar Binks has a much smaller part in this picture. That's always a relief. Overall, it's not too bad of a picture. It's tolerable, but it doesn't quite deserve to bear the words Star Wars in its title. Thankfully, by the third prequel, "Revenge of the Sith", things would improve.

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8 out of 12 people found the following review useful:

Attack of the Terrible Acting

Author: Mr. Smith (imdb@deved.com) from Sacramento, CA
26 July 2004

Sorry everyone, I have to admit, after seeing this movie, Hayden Christensen must be the worst actor imaginable. I laughed out loud with the entire audience at his mumbled lines and fake anger and crying. Lucas has truly lost his touch with these films.

Also, the effects were corny and unconvincing. Never has there been a film so over-produced and under valued. In some shots, especially dark scenes, it is obvious that it was "filmed" digitally. I love digital, but this is a new low for Lucas to let grainy and discolored scenes into a movie theatre.

I have lost all confidence in George Lucas. His ability to create quality films has been set back by a couple of decades at least.

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8 out of 12 people found the following review useful:

drowning in a special effects pool

6/10
Author: ekinomania (ekinomania@yahoo.com)
16 February 2004

i could never guess that star wars would be drowning in a special effects pool.the star wars of the 80's were much more exciting than the last ones.i think the things that make star wars exciting are its diologues and its main idea.star wars don't need tricks to be a perfect film.the advance in special effects made george lucas's eyes blind.if he had gone on as he was,the last two films could be even better than the first ones with such options he has.he shouldn't be concerned about the box office,he should be concerned about how we,the true fans of the star wars,will react to the film.otherwise he loses more than he wins.

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11 out of 18 people found the following review useful:

CGI is horrible, give me puppets any day!

2/10
Author: scottkellaway5 from United Kingdom
9 December 2007

I am a Star Wars fan. When I say this I refer to the 'original' trilogy (A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi).

I am not however a fan of what they are trying to pass off with the 'Star Wars' title these days. These 3 films are terrible (Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith).

The Characters are poor, there are too many random characters crammed in. Was this an attempt to make as many toys to cash in on as possible?

The computer generated graphics are over the top and obvious, I sometimes feel like I'm watching a computer game rather than a serious film. Yoda is a prime example... what have they done to him!? I'm just glad that his puppet form died before he could see this happen.

Everything is too high tech from weapons to Space Crafts, they can come up with all the reasons under the sun of why they are more high tech, but the fact is that the designers were simply trying to be clever and were making 'new' ideas rather than keeping in line with the original trilogy.

The script and acting seems to be very forced and weak, you can tell that a lot of the actors are attempting accents poorly. There are too many boring scenes with the council talking (especially Phantom Menace) What makes that more frustrating is all of the CGI.

George Lucas... I enjoyed Howard the Duck a lot more... and that's got to be saying something.

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11 out of 18 people found the following review useful:

Imax Imin

Author: tedg (tedg@FilmsFolded.com) from Virginia Beach
2 December 2002

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Spoilers herein.

This comment pertains to the edition of `Episode 2' remastered for Imax. My experience with the original viewing of this project was painful, from the horsey acting to the lack of imagination, to the really boring camera. The one unugly element of the film was some of the effects. I thought the big screen would help.

No, it doesn't. All the previously-mentioned flaws are merely exaggerated. Because the entire film was digitally captured at 35mm, the blowup is not at all sharp like it would have been from real film. Its downright blurry. My theater messed up the sound, and I understand from others that the transition from Lucas' own of proprietary brand was not matched.

But the surprise was how bad the effects looked. Many, many sequences that passed on the small big screen looked patently fakey on the big big screen: paintings, mismatched shadows, poor composites, sketchy background action.

If you love film, stay away.

Ted's Evaluation -- 1 of 4: You can find something better to do with this part of your life.

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15 out of 26 people found the following review useful:

"Well...it was better than Phantom Menace..."

1/10
Author: paulo20 from NYC
8 July 2002

That's pretty much the general sentiment about the Episode II, but I would have to disagree because that would imply that The Phantom Menace was any good. A better assessment might be that Attack of the Clone was no worse. It's basically a bunch of long drawn out sequences involving indiscernible politics (except, perhaps, to the fanatics) and a painfully forced romance, plus another annoying scene involving a fat, four-armed alien in a diner, punctuated by a string of action sequences that just barely save this film from being a total waste of $9.25.

But one other thing that kind of spoils Star Wars for me is that Boba Fett is given an origin. I don't know about anyone else but I thought the one thing that was cool about Fett was that he was just this bounty hunter sent by Jabba the Hutt to capture Han Solo. Period. He didn't seem to have to do anything with the Jedi; he only entered the picture because of Solo. He was a character that seemed to exist apart from the whole Jedi storyline and simply was doing a job for a powerful gangster. That made the Star Wars mythos richer for me, the idea that the Jedi storyline wasn't the only thing going on in the universe. Now ATotC has gone and entwined his story with that of the Jedi and it suddenly all seems less plausible. Now, presumably, Boba Fett will exact his revenge by killing some Jedi or some such but then what? In eps IV-VI, we see him as *just* a bounty hunter and, considering the import attached to him in ep II, his death in ep VI (falling into a living pit) comes across as anti-climactic. Just my impression...

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18 out of 32 people found the following review useful:

Deep down, you must know this is dreadful.

2/10
Author: Crypt 24 from Pasadena, California, USA
10 February 2003

To the droves of Star Wars fans still out there: Please, please, stop fooling yourselves. I know that it is terribly painful to admit, but this film is NO improvement over Episode I, in fact I saw it as yet another BIG slip in the series. The SW films truly ran out of steam with Return of the Jedi TWO long decades ago. Clones/Episode II has the poorest of everything you can think of...direction (or lack of direction), acting (utterly laughable...the actor, Hayden Christensen, hired to anchor the absolute core of the entire series CAN NOT ACT), plot (oh please), effects (yes, even the tired special effects...how many times can you laser blast the enemy and still get the audience to go "Oooh!"??). Sorry folks, this film is a MAJOR piece of junk. It's not even close to being something worthy of upholding the lore and mystique created by the first two films way back when. And they're making ANOTHER one??? Holy crow...

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18 out of 32 people found the following review useful:

Note to George Lucas: Hire some actors.

1/10
Author: mikemandel from Toronto
14 June 2002

Painful to watch. A truly dreadful film. A drillion dollars in special effects cannot compensate for two-dimensional, wooden characters and stilted dialogue. Whenever Keanu Reeves finally dies, Hayden Christenson will be the worst actor in the universe. Samuel L. Jackson repeated the role he's used to great success in every film he's ever been in; he takes himself far too seriously. And why haven't these brilliant Jedi Knights ever figured out that if they just put wrist-straps on their light sabers they won't drop them just out of reach every 15 seconds? Yes, the fight scenes and graphics were outstanding. Unfortunately, that's not enough to make a great film. Sorry George, but Elian Gonzales could have done a better job. The money would have been better spent renting the space shuttle and launching Hayden Christenson to a distant galaxy.

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