Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
Top Links
trailers and videosfull cast and crewtriviaofficial sitesmemorable quotes
main detailscombined detailsfull cast and crewcompany credits
Awards & Reviews
user reviewsexternal reviewsawardsuser ratingsparents guidemessage board
Plot & Quotes
plot summarysynopsisplot keywordsmemorable quotes
Did You Know?
triviagoofssoundtrack listingcrazy creditsalternate versionsmovie connectionsFAQ
Other Info
box office/businessrelease datesfilming locationstechnical specsliterature listingsNewsDesk
taglines trailers and videos posters photo gallery
External Links
showtimesofficial sitesmiscellaneousphotographssound clipsvideo clips
Filter: Hide Spoilers:
Page 3 of 344: [Prev][1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [Next]
Index 3434 reviews in total 

43 out of 80 people found the following review useful:

Great Big Steaming Pile of Dooku

Author: Todd of the Greater Mid-Atlantic Metropolitan Region
2 June 2002

Can you follow moving objects with your eyes? If that's all it takes to thrill you, then watching "Attack of the Clones" may well be the most titillating experience of your life! The barrage of mobile things on the screen just doesn't cease. There's even something here for the audio buffs...plenty of those signature rumbling ships, whizzing lasers, and humming lightsabers. Pair up those noises with the visuals, and you have a summer blockbuster!

George Lucas is back, all right...with the second worthless Star Wars movie in a row. I can't understand the ridiculously effusive praise that the majority of reviewers here seem to be heaping upon this stinker. I can only hope that most of the people who hated it felt no inclination to review it at all. I especially love the masterminds who proclaim, "If you don't like it, don't go see it." Yeah, thanks. So we're supposed to walk into the theater with a pre-formed positive opinion? Morons!

If I plunk down $10 for a widget that I soon discover doesn't work, am I not entitled to get a refund or at least a replacement? Of course! Warranties and the Better Business Bureau were created for precisely this purpose! Well, I paid money to see Episode II, and I was extremely disappointed. So why is it that I'm somehow not entitled to criticize Lucas?

George Lucas is just plain lazy...a lazy director and a lazy storyteller. And audiences are lazy for letting him off the hook so easily. Incidentally, Lucas himself deserves absolutely no credit for the "incredible" CGI. His studio paid other people to do that. You will probably never know their names. And I'm positive that Lucas is profiting far more from this venture than all of them combined.

Look, Lucas has countless millions at his disposal. He damn well should shoot for an Oscar-caliber film! Or maybe he's just too afraid of the challenge, so he rests on his laurels and hides behind the brand-name of this movie franchise. And when the critics come out of the woodwork, he can babble on about how it's "not supposed to be great filmmaking" or some other lame excuse. Lazy, lazy, lazy.

A few others here have panned the lifeless acting, glaring plot inconsistencies, and general lack of true Star Wars atmosphere more eloquently than I could, so feel free to comb through the effluvium of laudation below to find the few precious gems of honest criticism.

Never mind the absurd Yoda fight scene, which will only appeal to those who can't let well enough alone and who demand that every movie character be proficient in some martial art. Why, why, why must every big budget sci-fi or action movie nowadays give a nod to "The Matrix"? Can't Yoda just remain a gentle, wizened teacher?

The only thing I really liked about this movie was the Tusken Raider encampment. It wasn't overdone or garish, just very Star-Wars-ian. Of course, it was quickly ruined by Schmi's hilarious death scene. In reference to Anakin, a little boy sitting behind me in the theater said, without a trace of irony, "What's he so sad about?" From the mouths of babes!

Was the above review useful to you?

46 out of 86 people found the following review useful:

Riight... What happened?

Author: ramshot from Helsinki, Finland
4 December 2002

I liked Ep I more than most, and had high hopes for this one. When I looked at imdb after the first few nights in theaters, read about Jar-Jar being almost totally gone and how much better this part was, I was really excited. I so wanted to like this movie.

But OUCH. Now first of all, the directing was utterly horrid. It was the worst part of Ep I as well, but Lucas really lost it here. The movie seemed to jump from scene to scene in the most illogical places, action scenes got interrupted, and just when you were getting into a better scene, you get hit with yet another boring "but I love you, but I am Jedi, oh no, boohoo"-scene. Excuse me, but since when has Star Wars been a soap opera instead of an adventure?

Furthermore, Haydensen was horrible, and even the old actors from Ep 1 seemed to have lost some of their interest. Most action scenes were either boring, badly directed or the effects really didn't look too good. I especially was opening my own wrists in the Arena shootout scene, looking at the princess just standing still and shooting around, without a hint of any kind of battle tactics or trying to take cover.

One scene, above all others, basically made me hurt, bad. The one with the princess and "Darth" on the meadow, riding a fat (bad CGI) blob, rolling around, laughing, jumping, kissing... God, me and my friends couldn't believe our eyes, how did that get into the film. Laughter was the only way to go.

Only in the very ending did the movie manage to create some of that good old star wars feeling, leaving some hope for a better Ep 3. I just wish lucas would give the directors seat to someone else...

Was the above review useful to you?

7 out of 9 people found the following review useful:

Episode II is terribly flat and uninspired.

Author: Toby Danna from Hammond, LA
16 May 2002

Sigh, there are times when you yearn for the glorious victory songs of Ewoks. "Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones" may have destroyed the glorious Star Wars mythology, and I am not sure whose fault this is.

The script is choppy and cheesy. While we are not privileged to see Anakin kick butt in an offscreen maniacal rampage midway through the movie, we are treated to Obi Wan in a stupid intergalactic diner (one-part Mos Eisley Catina, three-parts CGI American Graffiti), Senator Jar Jar Binks getting cheered by his alien comrades in a monumental political speech, and a three-fingered Yoda in a lightsaber duel with Christopher Lee's Count Dooku.

The dialogue is at its best times bad and at its worst times filled with cornball jokes by C-3P0 and even Obi Wan. Hayden Christiansen and Natalie Portman deliver a romance less convincing than a bad daytime soap teen couple, and I cannot begin to decry how terrible the usually brilliant Samuel L. Jackson was.

The introduction of Jango and Boba Fett into the film gave the audience its only interesting characters, but Lucas just let us nibble on filler instead of giving their story the meat it deserved. It seems Lucas is treating the prequels more as backstory than story, that he is more interested in showing the latest innovation in computerized special effects than forging a new saga. Sadly, the CGI eye candy does not match up to the beauty of the Holy Trilogy, nor to more recent special effects spectaculars (The Matrix, Spiderman).

Ultimately, Episode II does much worse than Episode I in captivating the imagination. The cast does not have the chemistry of Hammil, Fisher, and Ford, and Lucas is content with asserting his new and radically different vision of Star Wars in spite of the protests of the legions of fans he won over a quarter century ago.

Was the above review useful to you?

8 out of 11 people found the following review useful:

When CGI goes berserk!

Author: hnt_dnl from United States
6 August 2009

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Not even an argument as far as I'm concerned, STAR WARS, EPISODE TWO: ATTACK OF THE CLONES is the absolute WORST of all 6 STAR WARS films! And, given it's budget, some of the actors in it, and just the fact that it is part of the STAR WARS saga itself, perhaps a contender for one of the worst films of all time, at least worst big-budget films.....Wow! And I remember when this first came out that a significant number of fans thought THIS was better than PHANTOM MENANCE...Nope! Not even close, actually.

While MENACE has its share of sorry dialogue and characters (Jar Jar Binks!), it mostly benefited from mimicking the fast pacing of the original A NEW HOPE and has some exciting set pieces and moments (fast-paced opening, the pod race, climactic battle). The acting and dialogue in MENACE certainly wasn't spectacular, but it was way better than what we were served with in this clunker! But most importantly, the CGI effects of MENACE essentially did not detract from the film the way it does in CLONES.

CLONES begins with the former Naboo Queen, now Senator, Padme Amidala (played by Natalie Portman) being transported to the planet city Coruscant and and an assassination attempt occurs. Her stand-in is killed and so Senator Palpatine (Ian McDarmid) "suggests" a Jedi escort/bodyguard for her protection. Of course, the duty goes to teenage Jedi-in-training Anakin Skywalker (played by Hayden Christensen). Another attack occurs and so Anakin accompanies Padme to Naboo where the Senate and Jedi feel she will be safer. And thus, the Anakin-Padme romance begins! And that ain't good! A terribly realized, cringe-inducing set of interactions ensues and takes up a large portion of the film. I really don't blame the actors. The dialogue is atrocious. I don't think Meryl Streep and Robert DeNiro could have looked better in this!

Other stories include Anakin's Jedi Master Obi-Wan (Ewan McGregor) investigating the creation of a clone army on the faraway Kamino star system, and Jedi Masters/Council members Yoda and Mace Windu (Samuel Jackson) sensing a dark, ominous disturbance in the Force. All stories converge to a climactic battle on Geonosis, where the Jedi must battle a droid army led by Count Dooku (Christopher Lee), who is responsible for the attack on Padme's life.

The worst offense of CLONES is the CGI! This film is at present the worst example of CGI use in today's movies. It is completely overdone and really cheesy-looking in a lot of places. I mean, it dominates the film! Yoda is CGI! Not good. The original trilogy demonstrated that you have to have a story. EMPIRE STRIKES BACK had the best story, and A NEW HOPE had an footloose, tongue-in-cheek appeal that more than made up for its minimal plot and story. RETURN OF THE JEDI, actually the weakest of the original 3, by plain default, feels like a masterpiece to CLONES! At least the characters were established from HOPE and EMPIRE by the time of JEDI and we could forgive the rather juvenile nature with which they concluded the original trilogy. The characters in CLONES, however, had never really been established in the fast-paced MENACE. And CGI so dominates CLONES, with no character development whatsoever, yet the film has exposition and dialogue all over the place! And in the end, the climactic battle is deathly boring and confusing. A bunch of Jedi fighting a bunch of battle Droids with a moment that made me cringe more than the Anakin-Padme scenes: when that worm-headed Jedi used his powers to knock C3PO down so he didn't have to participate in the fight and then gave him that weird smile (really eerie!). Trust me, it's a goofy moment! Then Yoda and the Clone army swoops in. And we are "treated" to a terrible lightsaber duel where Obi-Wan and Anakin get their ass handed to them by a 100-year old Count Dooku! So CGI Yoda must save their young butts!

Essentially, the same way that MENACE tried to mimic HOPE, so does CLONES try to mimic EMPIRE: Jedi-in-training Anakin gets trumped by the more powerful former-Jedi-turned-Sith Lord Dooku the way that Jedi-in-training Luke got beat by more powerful Darth Vader and both Anakin and Luke lost one of their hands in the battle (Anakin even lost a whole arm!). Anakin and Padme joined at the end of CLONES (with a noticeably pregnant Padme) the way their offspring Luke and Leia stood together at the end of EMPIRE. Also Anakin and Padme's budding romance in CLONES doubling for Han and Leia's romance in EMPIRE. Obi-Wan off by himself investigating Kamino the way Luke went off by himself to discover Yoda in the Dagobah system in EMPIRE. And of course, the ominous, open ending where we know a sequel is to come! Difference? We looked forward to the EMPIRE sequel wanting more, but with CLONES, we wished the entire movie experience could be taken back! Do-over, please!

Was the above review useful to you?

8 out of 11 people found the following review useful:

I'll Try To Be Nice...

Author: (TKnight_1) from United States
26 March 2005

I once wrote a beyond scathing review of this film that compared George Lucuas to a dictator we shall leave nameless, and went on to describe his blasphemous decision regarding the release of only the Special Edition DVD's as a rape of classic film.

I'll do my best to be nicer and more focused on the horrid excuse of a Star Wars excuse of a movie that is Episode Two. I remember going to the theater, extremely excited, soaking in the nerdy atmosphere of childish bliss, knowing that even if the movie sucked it would still have an awesome lightsaber fight in the end. You can imagine how I felt leaving, provided only with a lame Gladiator/Rancor scene ripoff, an all too brief fight where Obi-Wan gets his butt handed to him, and two subsequent lightsaber fights that could have been great but wound up being trite, meaningless five-second bouts.

What was Lucas thinking when he wrote the scene when Anikan and Padme are sitting in the fields talking about politics...and what was he drinking when he wrote the following scene where Anikan rides some bulbous brown alien beast that looks more like something you'd find in an Episode of South Park? The man's talent has been drained by his children, as well as this once well-crafted space opera which has grown far out of his control.

He has attempted to put it back into his control, obviously, but it seems now that he's doing everything he wants, he is forgetting all that is good about story telling, dialogue, and action sequences. Episode II is nothing but a filler, a mish-mash of flashing lights and colors that tries so desperately to have validity through a few shadows and dark, brown leather tunics.

I almost feel bad for Lucas after watching this movie. Because he honestly seems to think it's good. It is not. Episode II is a yellow brick road that leads nowhere near as cool as Emerald City. It just keeps going round and round with a parade of irritating Munjkin like characters that have no develop, utter the dumbest lines in the world, and ultimately end up being inconsequential.

This doesn't even feel like a Star Wars movie. It seems like a lame TV rip off CBS might do. Even Episode One had a sense of grand epic scope, going from undeniably exciting pod-race scenes to superb lightsaber duels. And at least Liam Neeson was in that one. Schiendler with a Lightsaber is a winning combination.

The strongest aspect of Episode Two is Ewan McGregor and Jango Fett. Their battle through the asteroid ring was, in fact, cool. But Obi-Wan Kenobi, the only important character besides Anikan that links the two series', is not given hardly enough screen-time. Lucan has denied this character in both prequals and this is his greatest flaw, not the abysmal love story, not the unending special affects, but his inability to provide us with characters that hold half as much interest as the original cast. Ewan does an excellent job with the little that he is given and if only Lucas has not explored the benefits of developer that character.

I have high hopes for Episode III. I will go see it, despite the fact that I once wanted to start a boycott of it. The fact that it's PG-13 and the last Star Wars ever is reason enough to see it. Lucas has a lot of work to do if he is to be redeemed.

The Revenge of the Fans will be far worse than that of the Sith if we're given another Episode II.

Was the above review useful to you?

8 out of 11 people found the following review useful:

Very disappointed. Not a lot of story here...

Author: rkurtz-1 from US
16 May 2002

I was extremely excited about seeing Episode II, especially since Lucas promised a "dark" episode reminiscent of Empire. Wow, I thought, we could really use a dark episode. Since Jedi and Phantom Menace were clearly aimed more towards children (in my opinion) rather than the original Star Wars faithful, both had warm and fuzzy endings (and in some cases, characters too). Well, "dark" wouldn't be an adjective that I would use to describe this movie at all. How about "hardly dingy" instead? I mean, the bad guys just weren't very bad. I may be mistaken, but I only remember seeing Darth Sidius in costume one time. If he did appear twice, he obviously didn't leave much of an impression on me, which only proves my point. Now come on, EVERYONE remembers all of Darth Vader's and Darth Maul's scenes, right? To me, Darth Tyranus actually comes off as a decent guy for most of the movie.

It seems that Lucas is more interested in showing off a lot of special effects rather than telling a compelling story. There just wasn't much material in the script for the actors to be passionate or excited about. Kenobi has a nice civilized conversation with Jango Fett. Anakin has a calm chat with Palpatine. Kenobi has an even keeled conversation with Tyranus. Where's the passion and hate? Where's the fire? Where's the dark side George? Since we all know how it's going to ultimately end, I was really expecting some heated emotions in this movie. You know, Anakin's struggle and all? I didn't feel a lot of that at all.

As an aside, I really noticed a lot of dull filler scenes. Is it really necessary to show everyone getting on and off transport ships? I, for one, am willing to make a leap of faith here and take for granted that characters in this universe can get from point A to point B. If you see them in the next scene on a different planet, I guess they made it. Right? Picture this: The ship pulls up, picks up the passengers and takes off. It then lands, and the passengers get off. Sound exciting to you? If the movie was cut back about 10-15 minutes, I think it would have helped to pick up the overall pace and flow of things.

Overall, I think I was disappointed mainly because my expectations were so high. Hopefully, I just lowered yours and you can enjoy the movie for what it is, rather than for what it is not.

Was the above review useful to you?

9 out of 13 people found the following review useful:

well, it's a bit better than "The Phantom Menace", but that isn't saying a whole lot

Author: TheUnknown837-1 from United States
12 February 2010

"Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace" was one of the most colossally disappointing films I've ever seen in my life. Now comes the second installment in George Lucas's prequel trilogy to the epic narrative that broke box office records and set standards for generations to come. The second movie detailing the past of Darth Vader, "Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones" is a little bit better, but that's not quite enough to make it a recommendable movie. It's close, but not quite. If it only they had thrown out Jar-Jar Binks (yes, I still cringe every time I think of that bumbling, frog-like freak), patched up some mediocre dialogue, reworked this sappy love story, and captured a better sense of the magic that we require for a Star Wars movie, it would have worked.

In this one, Anakin Skywalker is grown up to a young Jedi and played by Hayden Christianson. Since Qui-Gon's dead, he is being taught by Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor). While Obi-Wan's out fighting evil, Anakin begins a forbidden romance with Padme (Natalie Portman) and of course, well, trouble begins and lasers are blasting and...yeah....

Now, I have nothing against a love story. Some of my all-time favorite movies are love stories. But I require two things: a good story and a conviction that the lovers are in deed, in love. I got neither of those from this. The 'romance' between Christianson and Portman is very shallow with utterly ridiculous and hammy dialogue such as "to me, you will always be that little boy on Tatooine." Thus, in the end, this subplot is boring, tiresome, and sappy. Not a good combination and not what we want to see in any element of a Star Wars movie. I thought Jack Lloyd was not a very good young Anakin Skywalker in "The Phantom Menace" and Hayden Christianson is awkward and wasted here in a miscast role. Again, with this, we need to have that daunting feeling that Anakin, young, innocent, and loyal to the Jedi will one day betray them and become a cold-blooded killer. We don't get that feeling. Because the original narrative and this new one don't seem to be related beyond plot. The original trilogy was artistic, imaginative, and realized good characters and stories. This new one is just like a hokey video game.

Unfortunately, the screenplay entire is crippled by bad dialogue and unnecessary characters. However, I am not going to trash on this movie too much, because I must admit, it was very close for me. There was more of an adventurous sense to the picture, which was absent in "The Phantom Menace", and I really enjoyed some parts including a scene where Anakin, Padme, and Obi-Wan have to fight with three alien monsters in a ring very much like the gladiatorial fights of Ancient Rome. And thankfully, Jar-Jar Binks has a much smaller part in this picture. That's always a relief. Overall, it's not too bad of a picture. It's tolerable, but it doesn't quite deserve to bear the words Star Wars in its title. Thankfully, by the third prequel, "Revenge of the Sith", things would improve.

Was the above review useful to you?

9 out of 13 people found the following review useful:

Special Effects Ahoy

Author: Sam Lowry ( from United Kingdom
15 November 2003

Well, the very disappointing Episode I really got me off wanting to see more new Star Wars, but as I had some free time I watched it on television when it was on.

This movie does not show any promise in the beginning, and after the ridiculous chase sequence I already gave up hope. The things that happen in this chase are totally preposterous: after the 'shortcut' Anakin jumps out of his craft and drops a mile and still ends up to catch the one they chased; moments later he loses his lightsaber. But no fear, Obi Wan incredibly has caught up to them and can catch the saber with two fingers. OK, the force is great, but this is stretching it a bit, isn't it?.

The movie then splits in two stories (as Empire did): One follows Anakin and Amidala and as the two young ones just need to fall in love, no one bothered to write any interesting dialogue. Anakin turns into a sissy for a while and whines a lot as Amidala wants to stretch the running time of the movie and holds of falling in love proper. Anakin then wants to prove he's not a sissy and decides to go off and rescue his mother, never forgetting that he needs to fall in love by the end of the movie. To makes sure this happens Amidala just tags along not doing anything really.

The other story then: Obi Wan leaves the two kids and promptly goes off visiting a lot of special effects. After walking around in corridors for about ten minutes, talking to a few CGI characters, he decides to fall of a roof and then chases Fett Senior and Junior around some more special effects. In the planet he's lead to he then discovers Christopher Lee, also talking to CGI characters. He then gets caught by some more special effects and needs to be rescued

Meanwhile Anakin is getting quite desperate and decides to take Amidala and go and rescue Obi Wan from all the special effects. After being captured and being reunited with Obi Wan, they decide to all fight the same special effects for once. After a while they temporarily turn into CGI characters themselves.

Finally, The Jedi and a huge army show up and save the day long enough to warrant a sequel.

Oh yes, almost forgot to mention: Anakin an Amadila get married at the end of this part. So do R2 and 3PO in he same ceremony, that explains why they argue so much in the original trilogy.

Well, now you know what happens, so you don't have to watch it. You can thank me later.

Was the above review useful to you?

51 out of 97 people found the following review useful:

Send in the clones...

Author: James Wilkinson (wilko_3000) from Hull, England
23 September 2002

Sitting in that darkened cinema, a bag of popcorn in one hand and a cup of cola in the other, I desperately tried to hold onto the bitterness and cynicism that the awful billion-dollar-toy advert of Episode I had hammered into my brain. But it was no good. John Williams' score sent those delightful shivers of nostalgia up my spine and by the time the familiar yellow scroller had faded into distant space I was lost in a heady mist of fanboy love.

Sadly, it was not to last. After a brief set-up, we got our first glimpse of Anakin mk. 2. No longer the irritatingly chirpy Jake Lloyd, our Vader-in-making had transformed into the charisma vortex that is the supremely untalented Hayden Christensen. Consistently out-acted by the logs of wood burning in the fireside scene, Christensen walks around with an expression that says nothing more than "I am concentrating very hard on remembering my next cue". In fact, he's so dismal he even sucks the life out of the usually lively Ewan MacGregor, who seems like he's become as disillusioned with Lucas as the rest of us. Portman manages moderately well, and as Mace Windu, Samuel L. Jackson does the usual badass schtick that we've seen him do in everything else. Even Christopher Lee seems stripped of his menace, possibly because most of his scenes consist of acting against green-screen - a tricky thing for even the most experienced of actors.

The direction, too, is lame. Some action scenes (such as the hover-vehicle chase through a futuristic city right at the start) go on too long and become a tiresome showreel for ILM's CGI department, whilst others are cut horribly short (most notably the Obi-Wan/Jango Fett battle scene, something us fanboys were drooling over before the movie). The battle scenes just fling computer animation all over the place and hope the audience will be suitably impressed, though the effect is rather like setting all your fireworks off at once - big bangs and lots of colour, but nothing to focus on.

The pacing of the film is woeful too. The romance scenes take up too much screen time - something that wouldn't be quite so bad if the two leads didn't have the chemistry and electricity of wet cement - whilst the potential catharsis of Anakin's slaughter of a Sand People village happens off camera! Unbelievably during this last bit, we're treated to all the other characters talking about how something <i>really really interesting</i> is happening offscreen. Show not tell, Lucas! Even the lousiest director knows that.

So many bad things, so few words to say it in: Watto returns, except as an unbelievably offensive Jewish stereotype (big nose, long white hair, a black Rabbi hat). 3-CPO and R2 wander through the film, serving no purpose at all. The dialogue is ATROCIOUS and the jokes are worse. If CGI is so great these days why is it so obvious?

Good things? Few and depressingly far between. The "death sticks" scene worked pretty well, the floaty thin white aliens were gorgeous and watching Yoda kick all kinds of arse made his battle scene with Christopher Lee the single most satisfying Star Wars moment of all time. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. But the brilliance of that last part (the only truly great bit in Episode II) only highlights the ham-fisted, amateurish trash that is the rest of the movie.

I think the worst part of Epsiode II is that it confirms that Lucas really is just a hack. Without a Kaufman or a Kasdan to do all the hard work or a Spielberg to pick up the directorial slack, Lucas is just a big stupid kid telling big stupid stories. If Episode II were some other sci-fi franchise, I would regard it merely as an unbearably awful film. But as it's another step in Lucas' ongoing mission to destroy both his own legend and the Star Wars universe, I can only give it my utter contempt.

Was the above review useful to you?

7 out of 10 people found the following review useful:

The best part was the THX logo

Author: Nyx_Selene from Sweden
10 October 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

"The Final Sacrifice" has been called the movie that is 100% deus ex machina. Well, here's the TRILOGY that is 100% deus ex machina. Words cannot describe how terribly bad this movie is, but an easy summary, is that every single thing in the movie, is the exact opposite of what would make sense. It is also another perfect example of what happens when movie-related merchandise becomes the goal of movie-making, instead of a bi-product.

First of all, Anakin is all grown up, Amidala is a senator, Palpatine is chancellor, we're told that Anakin is Obi-Wan's apprentice and C-3PO and R2-D2 are around, so the first movie didn't need to be made at all. This is practically an all together new story, and everything worth mentioning from episode one could be squeezed into the first five minutes of it.

Second of all… well, everything. Amidala knows that someone's trying to kill her, but does nothing to hide. She constantly resides near the biggest windows she can find. A shape-shifter assassin shows up, but tries to kill Amidala using bugs. The Jedi meant to protect Amidala both chase after the assassin, but instead of just shifting shape and going back to finish the job, she tries to kill the Jedi instead.

To protect her, they send Amidala back home, with Anakin, who's obviously in love with her, but is forbidden to love anyone. (Does anyone know why that is? When Yoda said that the Force was "strong in your family. Pass on what you have learned" to Luke, I got the impression that the ability to use the Force was somewhat hereditary. But since the Jedi can't have families, according to the new trilogy, this ability is completely random. It doesn't at all explain why it would be strong in an entire family, or why Anakin's or Luke's children would automatically get it.) She takes him to the most romantic place imaginable and walks around in practically no clothes at all, while telling him how impossible his love is. Now, I may have used my looks to get some free drinks, but hell, I've never been THAT cruel. But she falls for him anyway, because he… talks about sand. And kills an entire village. And whines about Obi-Wan pretty much non-stop. And he acts like a 10-year-old. And he constantly stares at her creepily as hell. Know what, Mr. Lucas? This is the kind of guy women usually get restraining orders against. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan goes to a town that looks almost exactly like Cloud City. Were they built by the same contractor?

They end up on some bug-planet, where they fight bugs, useless robots and Count Dooku. This is probably meant to be a big, spectacular Colosseum-like arena scene, but it's so cluttered you can't even see what goes on in it. There are so many light-sabers in it, though, that had it been darker, I'd have guessed rave party.

The idiotic things relieve each other in this movie, and so do the game-hype sequences. There are high-speed chases that are ironically at least 20 minutes too long, then some crap in a factory that reminds me of 80's platform games, and there are light-sabers EVERYwhere, all the time. I'm willing to bet they use them as reading lamps too. I won't count, but the light-saber shots probably make up more than half of the movie. Apparently, people can hardly even get dressed without using a light-saber. In the original trilogy, this was the coolest weapon ever. In this movie, it's so over-used it's about as exciting as a flash-light.

The fact that this is what's spat out of the computer when George Lucas can bring to the screen everything he can imagine, makes me start wondering exactly how awful a film-maker he really is. After all, it's now more than clear that everything amazing about the original trilogy must have been thanks to other people. In fact, the only other name that comes to mind when watching crap of this magnitude is Uwe Boll. I could have said Ed Wood, but I won't, because while Ed Wood was god awful at nearly everything cinematic, at least he had heart and cared about his stories.

Was the above review useful to you?

Page 3 of 344: [Prev][1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [Next]

Add another review

Related Links

Plot summary Plot synopsis Ratings
Awards Newsgroup reviews External reviews
Parents Guide Official site Plot keywords
Main details Your user reviews Your vote history