Tim LaFlour: You may not have faith in fate but, my man, fate has faith in you.
Darryl: Doctor, three thousand dollars? I'll be your little outbreak monkey...
Darryl: Good afternoon freshmen, freshwomen, and people of freshness.
Scott: Witherspoon. Rushing as a senior, I see.
Darryl: Hey, just trying to join the frat.
Scott: Right on, have a seat. By the way, it's fraternity, not frat. You wouldn't call your country a...
Darryl: Whoa! Not since the Bush years.
Broadcaster: The only questions this year are how badly will they stink, how long will they stink, and will they ever not stink?
Darryl: They killed my baby. He got involved with that whole east coast-west coast thing, and being that he is so Chicago they BOTH banged on him!
Darryl: Oh, I really want to thank you all for helping me with my campus maintenance duties. I think it's a beautiful thing. But remember, plastic goes in the blue, paper in the green.
Darryl: Yo sir! Yo! Difference of opinion here.
Economics Professor: Uh, Darryl. And we can do without the yo-ing.
Darryl: What he's saying is let's help people by firing them. Now this seems to me, ebonically speaking, wack.
Scott: Perhaps Darryl does have a special insight into the blue-collar or, should I say, hairnet mentality.
Darryl: [outburst] Would you all just cut this shit?
[talks sarcastically to certain students]
Darryl: You, you better fix that damn watch. And you rich girl, we know you have money. Put that damn diamond away. And you British guy, if you are going to live in this country you better go see a damn dentist about that stink-ass breath. You smell like hot garbage.