Hallie: You wanna know the *real* difference between us?
Annie: Let me see... I know how to fence and you don't... Or I have class and you don't. Take your pick.
Hallie: Why I oughta!
Hallie: I have a brilliant beyond brilliant idea!
Annie as Hallie: I know what mystery my father sees in you.
Meredith Blake: You do?
Annie as Hallie: You're young, beautiful, sexy, and hey, the guy is only human, but if you ask me marriage is supposed to be based on something more than just sex, right?
Annie: That girl is without a doubt, the lowest, most awful creature to ever walk the planet!
Hallie: [watching from outside, impersonating Elvis] Thank you, thank you very much.
Annie: [Hallie just finished cutting Annie's hair to look like hers] This is so scary.
Hallie: Honey, you never looked better.
Grandpa Charles James: [Annie smells him] What are you doing?
Hallie as Annie: Making a memory! Years from now, when I'm all grown up, I'll always remember my grandfather and how he always smelled of...
[smells him again]
Hallie as Annie: peppermint and pipe tobacco.
Hallie as Annie: [crying, seeing her mother for the first time] I'm sorry, it's just I've missed you so much.
Elizabeth James: I know, it seems like it's been forever.
Hallie as Annie: You have no idea.
Annie as Hallie: [after a discussion about how Annie as Hallie seems different to Chessy] Chessy, I changed a lot over the summer, that's all.
Chessy, the Parker's Maid: OK, but if I didn't know any better, I'd say it's almost like you were... forget it, it's impossible.
Annie as Hallie: Almost if I were who, Chessy?
Chessy, the Parker's Maid: Nobody, nobody, forget I mentioned it.
Annie as Hallie: Almost if I were - Annie?
Chessy, the Parker's Maid: [slowly turning around] You know about Annie?
Annie as Hallie: [dropping her "Hallie" accent] I... am Annie.
Hallie as Annie: His and hers kids. No offense, Mom, but this arrangement really sucks.
Elizabeth James: I agree, it totally sucks.
Annie: [Hallie is getting ready to cut Annie's hair] Don't shut YOUR eyes!
Hallie: Okay, sorry. Got a little nervous!
Annie: YOU'RE nervous? An 11 year-old is cutting my hair!
Hallie: Hey, you sounded just like me!
Annie: Well, I'm supposed to, aren't I?
Hallie: We actually did it!
Martin, the James' Butler: Shall we review your mother's list?
Martin, the James' Butler: Now, let's see. Vitamins?
Martin, the James' Butler: Minerals?
Martin, the James' Butler: List of daily fruits and vegetables?
Annie: Check, check.
[Martin glances at Annie]
Annie: Check for fruits, check for vegetables. Go on.
Martin, the James' Butler: Sunblock, lip balm, insect repellent, stationery, stamps, photographs of your mother, grandfather, and of course, your trusty butler, me.
Annie: Got it all, I think.
Martin, the James' Butler: Oh, and here's a little something from your grandfather.
[Holds up a deck of cards]
Martin, the James' Butler: Spanking new deck of cards. Maybe you'll actually find someone on this continent who can whip your tush at poker.
Annie: Well, I doubt it, but thanks, Martin.
Hallie: [playing poker with Annie at camp] I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'll make you a little deal: *loser* jumps into the lake after the game.
Hallie: Butt naked.
Annie: Even more excellent. Start unzipping, Parker.
[revealing her hand to Hallie]
Annie: Straight, in diamonds.
Hallie: You're good James... but... you're just not good enough.
[revealing her hand to Annie]
Hallie: In your honor, a royal flush.
Meredith Blake: You know, from the way your father talked about you, I expected a little girl, but you are so grown-up.
Annie as Hallie: I'll be twelve soon. How old are you?
Meredith Blake: [chuckling] Twenty-six.
Annie as Hallie: Only fifteen years older than me! How old are you again, Dad?
Nick Parker: Wow, suddenly you're so interested in math!
Annie: Any of your pictures ruined?
Hallie: Only the beautiful Leo DiCaprio...
Hallie: You've never heard of Leonardo DiCaprio? How far away is London anyway?
Nick Parker: What's going on?
Meredith Blake: Here's what's going on, buddy: the day we get married is the day I ship those brats off to Switzerland, get the picture? It's me, or them. Take your pick.
Nick Parker: Them.
[Hallie and Annie stare at each other excitedly]
Meredith Blake: Excuse me?
Nick Parker: T-H-E-M. Them.
[staring into Meredith's face]
Nick Parker: Get the picture?
Nick Parker: [hiking] I'm going to take the lead. You two help Meredith.
Meredith Blake: [looks at the girls] Sure you'll help me. Right over a cliff you'll help me.
Hallie: [whispering to Annie] Not a bad idea.
Annie: Yeah, see any cliffs?
Marva Kulp, Sr.: Excuse me, girls. I just got to have a scoop of these gorgeous strawberries. Would you care for some dear?
Hallie: Oh, no thanks, can't. I-I'm allergic.
Marva Kulp, Sr.: Oh, that's too bad. How about you, dear, strawberries?
Annie: Oh, sorry, I wish I could, but I can't, I-I'm allergic.
Marva Kulp, Sr.: Yes, you just told me that over here. How'd you get over there? Well, first day at camp you'll have to excuse the old girl.
[Annie walks away]
Marva Kulp, Sr.: At least I'm not putting salt in the sugar shakers. Well, actually sugar in the salt shakers, but... now where did she get off to?
Annie: Need a hand, Mer?
Meredith Blake: Not from you, thank you. Don't think I can see past those angelic faces. One more trick from you two, and I promise I'll make your lives miserable from the day I say "I do." Got it?
Hallie: Got it, Cruella.
Meredith Blake: What did you call me?
Hallie: Nothing. Nothing. Not a thing, Cruella. Oh, by the way, Mer. I think there's something on your head.
[the lizard is on her head]
Nick Parker: You know, I may never be alone with you again. So about that day you packed, why'd you do it?
Elizabeth James: Oh, Nick. We were so young. We both had tempers, we said stupid things so I packed. Got on my very first 747, and you didn't come after me.
Nick Parker: I didn't know that you wanted me to.
Elizabeth James: Well, that really doesn't matter anymore. So, let's put on a good face for the girls and get the show on the road, huh?
Nick Parker: Yeah, sure. Let's get the show on the road.
Meredith Blake: First change I make is to send that two-faced little brat off to boarding school in Timbuktu.
Richard, Meredith's Assistant: Oof, Ice Woman!
Meredith Blake: Proud of it, babe!
Nick Parker: [after explaining to Elizabeth why they returned early from the camping trip] So, where's Chessie? I'm starving.
Elizabeth James: Well, she and Martin went off to a picnic around noon. Yesterday.
Nick Parker: [Impersonating Cary Grant] Really. Who would have thought. My nanny, your butler.
Elizabeth James: [thinking she is talking to her father, who has a newspaper up between them] Hey stranger...
Hallie: [puts down newspaper. then] Hey Mom, did you know that the Concorde gets you here in half the time?
Elizabeth James: [flustered] Yes, I, I've heard that...
Annie: [after Hallie surprises Elizabeth and Annie by arriving in London and showing up at their home before Elizabeth and Annie do] What are you doing here?
Hallie: It took us abound 30 seconds after you guys left for us to realize we didn't want to lose you two again.
Elizabeth James: We?
Nick Parker: [walking in from another room] We. I made the mistake of not coming after you once, Lizzie. I'm not going to do that again no matter how brave you are.
Elizabeth James: And I suppose you just expect me to go weak at the knees, and fall into your arms, and cry hysterically. And say we'll just figure this whole thing out. A bi-continental relationship with our daughters being raised here and there. And. And, you and I just picking up where we left off and growing old together. And... and... c'mon, Nick, what do you expect? To live happily ever after?
Nick Parker: Yes. To all of the above. Except you don't have to cry hysterically.
Elizabeth James: [With tears in her eyes] Oh, yes I do.
[he kisses her]
Nick Parker: You know, sometime if we're ever really alone maybe we could talk about what happened between us. You know it's all a bit hazy to me now. It ended so fast.
Elizabeth James: You mean it started so fast.
Nick Parker: Well, that part I remember perfectly.
Elizabeth James: [after the limo pulls up to the end of an empty pier and everyone gets out] Where are we?
Nick Parker: This is where we're eating?
Hallie: [Pointing to a 100+ foot yacht] No. Actually, *that's* where we're eating.
Annie: She's ours for the night.
Nick Parker: Wow. So, how exactly are we paying for this?
Annie: Well, we pooled our allowances.
Nick Parker: Yeah. Right. Annie?
Annie: Okay. Grandfather chipped in a bit.
Elizabeth James: Annie!
Annie: Okay. He chipped in a lot.
Hallie as Annie: Doesn't designing all these wedding dresses ever make you think about getting married again; or at least make you think about the "f" word?
Elizabeth James: The "f" word?
Hallie as Annie: My father!
Elizabeth James: [Hallie, as Annie, is underneath Elizabeth's covers struggling to tell her about the switch] Annie!
Hallie as Annie: That's where I have to go! I have to go see Annie!
Elizabeth James: Oh, I see, and where might Annie be?
Hallie as Annie: In Napa, with her father Nick Parker.
Elizabeth James: You're not Annie?
Elizabeth James: That would be correct.
Elizabeth James: You're Hallie?
Hallie as Annie: I am. Annie and I met up at camp and, and we decided to switch places. I'm sorry, but I've never seen you and I've dreamt of meeting you my whole life and Annie felt the exact same way about Dad so, so we sort of just switched lives. I hope you're not mad because I love you so much, and I just hope that one day you could love me as me, and not as Annie.
Elizabeth James: Oh darling, I've loved you your whole life.
Martin, the James' Butler: [sobbing] I've never been so happy in my entire life.
Annie: [Elizabeth and Hallie have arrived at the hotel to meet Nick and Elizabeth is drunk and Annie see her] She's drunk! She's never had more than one glass of wine her entire life and she chooses today to show up totally zonked!
Elizabeth James: [walking down the hall in the hotel] Hallie Parker!
[both girls exit from rooms across the hall from each other]
Elizabeth James: Oh, don't do this to me. I'm already seeing double.
Hallie: Oh my God.
Hallie: I have pierced ears.
Annie: No, no and no. Not happening. Sorry, wrong number. I won't. I refuse.
Hallie: Then cutting your hair was a total waste. There's no way I can go to camp with pierced ears and come home without them. I mean, come on. Get real.
Nick Parker: I told Hallie.
Meredith Blake: You did? And?
Nick Parker: She went ballistic. She started yelling in French. I didn't even know she spoke French.
Hallie: [takes out a box of Oreos] Want one?
Annie: Oh, sure, I love Oreos. At home, I eat them with... I eat them with peanut butter.
Hallie: You do? That is so weird.
[takes out a jar of peanut butter]
Hallie: So do I!
Annie: You're kidding! Most people find that totally disgusting.
Hallie: I know, I don't get it.
Annie: Me either.
Chessy, the Parker's Maid: [just found out that the girls switched places and is crying] Can I hug her?
Annie: Hallie, what was your mother like?
Hallie: I never met her. She and my Dad split up when I was a baby, maybe even before, I'm not sure. He doesn't really like to talk about her... but I know she was really beautiful.
Annie: How do you know that?
Hallie: Because my dad had this old picture of her hidden in his sock drawer and he caught me looking at it all the time so he gave it to me to keep. I'm really thirsty, you sure you don't want to go to the canteen and get something to drink?
Annie: Will you stop thinking about your stomach at a time like this!
Hallie: At a time like what?
Annie: [as she and Hallie step back into the cabin] Don't you realize what's happening? Oh man, this is beyond coincidence, this is beyond imagination! I only have a mother, and you only have a father... You've never seen your Mom, and I've never seen my Dad. You have one old picture of your Mom, I have one old picture of my Dad but at least yours is probably a whole picture.
[Hallie races over to her trunk]
Annie: Mine's a pathetic little thing, ripped right down the middle... What are you rummaging in your trunk for this time?
Hallie: [she finally faces Annie as she hold a picture to her chest] This. It's the picture of my Mom. And it's ripped too.
Annie: [knowing] Right down the middle?
Hallie: [nervously] Right down the middle.
Annie: [races over to her trunk and takes out a photo and holds it to her chest] This is so freaky. Okay. On the count of three, we'll show them to each other, okay?
Annie: [together with Hallie] Three!
[they both gasp as they place the photo together and realize... ]
Hallie: That's my Dad...
Annie: That's my Mom...
[she hears the bell]
Annie: That's the lunch bell.
Hallie: [as she wipes away her tears] I'm not so hungry anymore. So if your Mom is my Mom and my Dad is your Dad... and we're both born on October 11th, then you and I are... like... sisters.
Annie: Sisters? Hallie, we're like twins!
Hallie: Oh my god!
Annie: Oh my god!
Martin, the James' Butler: I found a stowaway in your suitcase.
[holds up Cuppy]
Hallie as Annie: [whispering] Oh my God. Cuppy.
[Hallie is trying to convince Annie the proposed switch will work]
Hallie: Look, I can do you already.
[Hallie pulls her hair back and adopts a British accent]
Hallie: "Yes, you want to know the real difference between us? I have class and you don't." Come on, Annie. I gotta meet my ma.
[arranges her expression into a pout]
Elizabeth James: [having drink with Meredith] Here's to... here's to you. May your life be far less complicated than mine.
Meredith Blake: Why thank you.
Annie: Okay, this is Grandfather...
Hallie: He's so cute! What do we call him?
Hallie: Why didn't I think of that?...
Nick Parker: [about Meredith on the camping trip] I'm not marrying her because she's Annie Oakley.
Hallie: Who's Annie Oakley?
Vicki Blake - Meredith's Mother: Hello, pet! You may call me Aunt Vicki!
Chessy, the Parker's Maid: [under her breath, after the dog has growled and snapped at Meredith] Good doggy.
Nick Parker: Hal, come here. We have to talk
Annie as Hallie: Okay shoot.
Nick Parker: Okay, honey... I want to know what you think about making Meredith part of the family?
Annie as Hallie: Part of our family?
Nick Parker: Yeah.
Annie as Hallie: I think it's an awesome idea. Inspired. Brilliant really.
Nick Parker: You do? Really? You do?
Annie as Hallie: Totally, it's like a dream come true. I've always wanted a big sister.
Nick Parker: Oh... um... Honey, I'm think you're kind of missing the point.
Annie as Hallie: No, I'm not. You're gonna adopt Meredith. That is so sweet, Dad.
Nick Parker: No, I'm not going to adopt her. I'm going to MARRY her.
Annie as Hallie: [leaps from her seat] Marry her? That's insane! How can you marry a woman young enough to be my big sister?
[she begins to rant, accidentally yelling in French]
Annie as Hallie: Mais tu plaisantes, j'espère. Meredith, ce n'est pas une fille pour toi. Mais c'est pas possible, je rêve. Qu'est-ce qui...
Nick Parker: Hal, Hal, Hal. Calm down, Hal!
Nick Parker: Are you speaking French?
Annie as Hallie: I... I learned it at camp.
[takes a breath]
Annie as Hallie: Ok, I'm sorry. Let's discuss this calmly. Calmly and rationally.
Nick Parker: Yeah and in English if you don't mind, right?
Annie as Hallie: Okay.
Nick Parker: Sweetheart what has gotten into you?
Annie as Hallie: Nothing, nothing, just... just... Dad, you can't get married! It'll totally ruin completely everything!
[she runs from the house]
Nick Parker: Hal! Hal! Hallie!
[he looks to Chessy, who appears at a window]
Chessy, the Parker's Maid: Don't look at me. I don't know a thing.
[she closes the windows]
Meredith Blake: Have you seen your father?
Hallie: [Not yet aware who Meredith is] You talking to me?
Meredith Blake: Who are you, Robert De Niro? Yes, I am talking to you.
Hallie: [seeing Meredith before they leave for their camping trip] Dad, what's Meredith doing here?
Nick Parker: Your mother invited her.
Nick Parker: Be nice.
Zoe: [as the girls walk back to their cabin, Hallie is riding on Nicole's back] I swear, I heard that girl sneezing all the way across the mess hall this morning.
Hallie: [laughs, and then lets out a yawn] I'm so tired. I'm crawling back into bed, and sleeping until lunchtime.
Nicole: [lets Hallie off her back and stares in shock] That is not a possibility, babe.
Hallie: [shrugs] Why not?
Nicole: [pointing] That's why not!
Hallie: [looks in the direction that Nicole is pointing, and sees their cots are perched on the roof, as "Hail Brittania plays] No way!
Annie: Mum. Daddy's getting married.
[Elizabeth falls to the couch, stunned]
Annie: To Cruella de Vil. She's awful, Mum. We can't let him go through with it.
Hallie as Annie: [suddenly recognizing her grandfather as the man who had been standing outside the phone booth, and realizing that he has therefore heard everything she was saying to Annie and so knows that something is up] Uh-oohhhh...
Grandpa Charles James: [in a slightly stern but kindly tone, and with an obvious amused twinkle] "Uh-oh" is right. Now suppose you and I just take a little stroll in the park, young lady, and you can tell me awl-l-l-l-l about it?
Hallie as Annie: [in a resigned but slightly hopeful voice, feeling encouraged that her grampa didn't get mad right off] Okay.
Chessy, the Parker's Maid: [upon seeing Elizabeth after so many years] Hi, you probably don't remember me. I...
Elizabeth James: [gives her a kiss on the cheek] Chessy!
Chessy, the Parker's Maid: I knew I always liked her.
Elizabeth James: [Martin enters whistling, Elizabeth gasps] Martin! What are you doing?
Martin, the James' Butler: [only sporting a speedo] Going for a dip, madame, do you mind?
Elizabeth James: Uh no no no, that... that's perfectly... perfect. Have fun. Someone ought to.
Chessy, the Parker's Maid: [seeing Martin for the first time, dazed] Hello
Martin, the James' Butler: [French music plays] Hello... hello to you
Elizabeth James: Chessy, this is our butler, Martin.
Chessy, the Parker's Maid: How do you do?
[pointing at Hallie]
Chessy, the Parker's Maid: I'm her butler.
Martin, the James' Butler: Enchanté mademoiselle
[kisses her hand]
Chessy, the Parker's Maid: Gee, the pleasure's all mine monsieur.
Elizabeth James: One of you, I'm not sure which one at the moment, but one of you told me your father knew I was arriving here today. Well I'm here to tell you that the man I just saw in the elevator had absolutely no idea he and I were on the same *planet*, let alone in the same hotel.
Annie as Hallie: You saw dad already?
Elizabeth James: Yes I did now.
[flopping onto the couch]
Elizabeth James: Oh. The man went completely action like I was the bloody ghost of Christmas past!
[to both girls]
Elizabeth James: Can one of you get something cold for my head?
Elizabeth James: [Annie gets up] I mean, don't you think I've pondered what it was going to be like to see your father after all these years? Well let me tell you, me waving like a mindless idiot while Nick Parker's wrapped around another woman's arms is not exactly the scenario I had in mind. No sirree.