Jakob the Liar (1999)
Jakob Heym: Hitler goes to a fortune-teller and asks, "When will I die?" And the fortune-teller replies, "On a Jewish holiday." Hitler then asks, "How do you know that?" And she replies, "Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday."
Jakob Heym: I believe we are the chosen people... but I wish the Almighty had chosen somebody else.
Jakob Heym: Here's a book about Africa. You read this, you'll forget you're hungry.
Lina Kronstein: Jakob, there are thieves in your apartment.
Jakob Heym: My apartment? What's to steal?
Frankfurter: Until the last line has been spoken, the curtain cannot come down.
Jakob Heym: Hunger for hope may be worse than hunger for food.
Lina Kronstein: What happened to your wife?
Jakob Heym: They *shot* her. Under a tree. I don't know what kind of tree it was. I didn't bother to ask.
Jakob Heym: Oh, God of the Jews! Why didn't you make your people a race of mice?
Jakob Heym: I don't want to see you playing with that cat. I certainly don't want to see you catch it and eat it. Any cat that lets itself get caught is sick.
Mischa: If you had one and didn't want anyone to know... ...the best way would be to say you had one... ...because no one owning a radio would be stupid enough to admit it. They'd leave you alone, which means.... What does it mean, Jakob?
Jakob Heym: I don't know.
Mischa: It means you've got a radio.
Jakob Heym: I don't have a radio.
Mischa: I understand.
Jakob Heym: Stop torturing me. The Germans are already doing a fine job.
Jakob Heym: Technically, they're retreating. But strategically, they're advancing.
Mischa: Think about the resistance that'll be organized because of this radio.
Rosa: Maybe I should have put up a little more resistance. Then you'd pay more attention to me.
Jakob Heym: My name is Jakob Heym.
Miss Esther: The Jakob Heym? I imagined you much taller.
Jakob Heym: So did I.
Lina Kronstein: Does that mean it's nearly over?
Jakob Heym: [imitating Winston Churchill on the *radio*.] That's a very good question.
Lina Kronstein: He heard me!
Jakob Heym: [imitating the BBC radio announcer.] We remind listeners not to ask questions... as that interferes with reception. And please don't look at the radio!
Avron: Jakob Heym may not be the Messiah, but he could be a prophet.
Herschel: Prophets speak in the name of God. All the pancake vendor has got is a radio!
Avron: He's saying the same thing Isaiah said, people of Israel, I will lead you out of bondage.
Frankfurter: [wryly] Out of bondage. If this is what we get from Isaiah, I can't wait to find out the results from the pancake vendor.
Mischa: So, now that you've shared a toilet seat with the master race, maybe you'll be good enough to tell us the news...
Jakob Heym: But maybe it wasn't like that at all. Because you know, as Frankfurter says, "until the last line has been spoken, the curtain cannot come down".
Jakob Heym: About 50 kilometers out of town, the train was stopped by Russian troops, who had just taken Bizonika, and Pratt...
[national anthem proudly playing]