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Jakob the Liar (1999) Poster

Quotes

[first lines]

Jakob Heym: Hitler goes to a fortune-teller and asks, "When will I die?" And the fortune-teller replies, "On a Jewish holiday." Hitler then asks, "How do you know that?" And she replies, "Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday."

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Jakob Heym: I believe we are the chosen people... but I wish the Almighty had chosen somebody else.

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Jakob Heym: Here's a book about Africa. You read this, you'll forget you're hungry.

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Lina Kronstein: Jakob, there are thieves in your apartment.

Jakob Heym: My apartment? What's to steal?

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Lina Kronstein: Tonight is Shabbat.

Jakob Heym: Great. We'll fast like every other night.

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Frankfurter: Until the last line has been spoken, the curtain cannot come down.

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Jakob Heym: Hunger for hope may be worse than hunger for food.

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Lina Kronstein: What happened to your wife?

Jakob Heym: They *shot* her. Under a tree. I don't know what kind of tree it was. I didn't bother to ask.

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Jakob Heym: Oh, God of the Jews! Why didn't you make your people a race of mice?

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Jakob Heym: I don't want to see you playing with that cat. I certainly don't want to see you catch it and eat it. Any cat that lets itself get caught is sick.

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Jakob Heym: I'll burn that bridge when I get to it.

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Jakob Heym: A barber with a dull razor is like a blind moyl.

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Mischa: If you had one and didn't want anyone to know... ...the best way would be to say you had one... ...because no one owning a radio would be stupid enough to admit it. They'd leave you alone, which means.... What does it mean, Jakob?

Jakob Heym: I don't know.

Mischa: It means you've got a radio.

Jakob Heym: I don't have a radio.

Mischa: I understand.

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Kowalsky: If you hang yourself, I'll kill you.

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Jakob Heym: Stop torturing me. The Germans are already doing a fine job.

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Jakob Heym: Technically, they're retreating. But strategically, they're advancing.

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Mischa: Think about the resistance that'll be organized because of this radio.

Rosa: Maybe I should have put up a little more resistance. Then you'd pay more attention to me.

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Jakob Heym: My name is Jakob Heym.

Miss Esther: The Jakob Heym? I imagined you much taller.

Jakob Heym: So did I.

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Mischa: You're hiding someone?

Jakob Heym: Yes. Why couldn't you think this quick in the ring?

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Lina Kronstein: Does that mean it's nearly over?

Jakob Heym: [imitating Winston Churchill on the *radio*.] That's a very good question.

Lina Kronstein: He heard me!

Jakob Heym: [imitating the BBC radio announcer.] We remind listeners not to ask questions... as that interferes with reception. And please don't look at the radio!

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Avron: Jakob Heym may not be the Messiah, but he could be a prophet.

Herschel: Prophets speak in the name of God. All the pancake vendor has got is a radio!

Avron: He's saying the same thing Isaiah said, people of Israel, I will lead you out of bondage.

Frankfurter: [wryly] Out of bondage. If this is what we get from Isaiah, I can't wait to find out the results from the pancake vendor.

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Mischa: So, now that you've shared a toilet seat with the master race, maybe you'll be good enough to tell us the news...

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[last lines]

Jakob Heym: But maybe it wasn't like that at all. Because you know, as Frankfurter says, "until the last line has been spoken, the curtain cannot come down".

Rosa: Mischa!

Jakob Heym: About 50 kilometers out of town, the train was stopped by Russian troops, who had just taken Bizonika, and Pratt...

[national anthem proudly playing]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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