Isabel: You know, I never wanted to be a mom. Sharing it with you... that's one thing. It's another to be looking over my shoulder for the next twenty years, knowing someone else would have done it better... someone else would have done it right.
Jackie Harrison: What do you have that I don't?
Isabel: You're Mother Earth, incarnate.
Jackie Harrison: You're... hip, and fresh.
Isabel: You ride with Anna.
Jackie Harrison: You'll learn.
Isabel: You know every story, every wound, every memory. Their whole life's happiness is wrapped up in you... every single second. Don't you get it? Look down the road to her wedding. I'm in a room alone with her, fixing her veil, fluffing her dress, telling her no woman has ever looked so beautiful. And my fear is she'll be thinking, "I wish my mom was here."
Jackie Harrison: And mine is... she won't.
Isabel: You look tired.
Jackie Harrison: I hate when people say that. It's like a polite way of telling you that you look like shit.
Ben Harrison: Mommy...
Jackie Harrison: What, sweetie?
Ben Harrison: If you want me to hate her, I will.
Jackie Harrison: I'm never, never going to forget this.
Anna Harrison: Never say "never."
Jackie Harrison: Well there's a loophole, you know. You can say "never, never" if you mean it enough to say it twice.
Jackie Harrison: Just because you can't see something, doesn't mean it isn't there.
Jackie Harrison: The thing is, they
Jackie Harrison: don't have to choose. They can have us both. I have their past, you can have their future.
Jackie Harrison: You know, Ben was born in two hours, went right to the breast, and camped there for 4 days. His blanket looked just like a cape, even the nurses thought so. He loves hearing that story about how he was born a magician.
Isabel: What about her?
Jackie Harrison: 28 hours. The doctors wanted to go in and get her, but I knew she'd come at her own time. You can never rush her.
Isabel: I'll keep that in mind.
[Jackie is smoking marijuana]
Jackie Harrison: Yep. Life's a tradeoff. It's finally legal to smoke dope, but you got to have cancer.
Isabel: Are you dying?
Jackie Harrison: Not today.
Ben Harrison: See Mom? I told you! I'm telepathetic.
Jackie Harrison: Telepathic.
Ben Harrison: That's what I said.
Ben Harrison: Can you fall out of love with your kids?
Luke: No. That is impossible!
Ben Harrison: Like Mission: Impossible!
Isabel: It's not that I can't cook, I choose not to cook.
Isabel: Why don't we name the puppy?
Anna Harrison: I know: Isabel.
Isabel: I beg your pardon?
Anna Harrison: Well, it kind of smells like you, and I'm allergic to you too, so it fits perfectly.
[after Anna has called and hung up twice]
Isabel: Hello?... What is your problem, asshole?
Anna Harrison: YOU are my problem!
Jackie Harrison: What are we going to tell the kids?
Luke: Maybe we should tell them the truth. They can handle it. It should've been me instead of you.
Jackie Harrison: I'll go along with that.
Ben Harrison: [to Isabel] Will you sing me a song? My mom always sings to me when I get hurt.
[Isabel takes a family Christmas photo]
Isabel: Why doesn't everybody get on the sofa for a picture, huh?
Jackie Harrison: [talks to Luke] Baby, can you put that birdcage on the floor for me?
Isabel: [sets the camera up for a second shot] And I'll set up here.
Luke: All right, there you go.
Isabel: On the count of three, I want to see big Christmas smiles. One, two... Benjamin.
[looks at Ben to smile]
Jackie Harrison: Good one. Okay, now let's get one with the whole family. Isabel?
Isabel: [Isabel smiles] Okay, let me just reset this. Get ready.
[Isabel sits with Jackie, Luke, Anna, and Ben. The camera snaps]
Anna Harrison: You didn't asked me if I wanted a new mother. You didn't even asked me if I liked her!
Isabel: I am so unbelievably sick of your imperious bullshit. I never said I was June-fucking-Clever...
Jackie Harrison: You don't use that kind of language in this house!
Isabel: ...and if every time life hits her hard you want to have a twelve hour conversation every third Tuesday of the month, go right ahead, lady, I have a life.
Jackie Harrison: Oh, and I don't?
Jackie Harrison: You know what your problem is? You are so self-involved. You couldn't be a mother.
Isabel: Maybe the problem here is your daughter, and that she is a spoiled, wise-ass little brat.
Jackie Harrison: Get out of my house. Get out!
Isabel: [pause, she turns to go] Are you sure? I didn't see that on the schedule.
Isabel: If you meet me back here in 1 hour, I will prove to you why you hired me... even though I wouldn't sleep with you
Isabel: [arguing with Jackie, after giving Anna some advice about a guy] What is it that you're worried about, looking bad at the PTA?
Luke: Don't do this. Don't bring in the lawyers. You know that the kids aren't in any real danger, this is about Isabel.
Ben Harrison: [on the phone with Jackie] And you wish that you were here making me spaghetti...
Ben Harrison: so I don't have to eat dad's yucky lamb chops.
Luke: We'll beat it. You're not alone in this, you know. You don't have to go through this by yourself... you know that? Understand what I'm saying?
Isabel: [backstage at the school Thanksgiving play] I have something to tell you.
Jackie Harrison: You're having Michael Jackson's baby.
Isabel: That, *and* Anna is totally over her head for Brad Kovitsky.
Jackie Harrison: [gasp] No!
Isabel: I'm so sorry, but you're not making this any easier on anybody.
Jackie Harrison: It is not my job to make it easier for you, it is my job to take care of those children and they don't wanna be with YOU!
[she grabs her children's hands]
Jackie Harrison: I'm getting a court order and you are never going to be with these children again alone, do you understand? EVER!
DJ Scott Zoe: [the morning DJ on the radio] Hey, good morning, New York. Scott Zoe here at 102.7, WNEW-FM, where rock lives. Beautiful autumn day in the city, and a great record coming your way, too.
[the song Under Pressure by David Bowie plays]
Isabel: [Isabel gets up in a rush to go and wake up Ben] Ben? Ben? Ben. Get up, get up, get up. Late, late, late. Ben? Come on, honey. Get up. We're seriously late.
[Isabel lowers down the blanket sheet over Ben's bed and reveals a blown up dinosaur underneath and screams]
Isabel: All right, you may think this is funny but this is so not...
[screams again as she nearly walks on Ben's bunny rabbit]
Isabel: funny. I'm not kidding around anymore, Ben. You make yourself appear right this instant. Ben? Ben? The clock is ticking, Ben. Come on now. Ben?