Giving It Up (1999)
[in a childhood flashback]
Mother Gagante: Ralphie, get you hand out of your pants.
Grandmother: What, he should be different from all the other men in the family?
Ralph: I'm half Italian-half Jewish. Which, I guess makes me a pizza-bagel.
[Ralph descibing his vanity process]
Psychiatrist: You get your back WAXED?
Ralph: Yeah, tell me about it. I'm Italian and Jewish. Twice the hair and the guilt.
Johnathan: Let me tell you something. This happens to be real life. Money and power. That's all that counts out there in the world.
Ralph: No, I don't think so. I...
Johnathan: You're the best I ever had, kid. But pending a major change in your sex life - and I mean a MAJOR change - you are... on extended leave.
Johnathan: That's right. No chicks, no checks.
[long awkward pause]
Johnathan: Get the fuck out of here.
Ralphie's First Little Girlfriend: Women still remember their first kiss long after men have forgotten the last.
Johnathan: It's a snatch-22. You love women and they hate you for it.
Elizabeth: Face it, Ralph. Everything you say and do is designed to attract members of the opposite sex.
Peter: Dude, you can't change your life. I love your life. It's like a porno movie, but with better lighting. There's great cheesy music, lots of hot women. You could use more lesbians, though.
Ralph: Oh, you think so? Thanks for the tip.
Dr. Hubbins: Why are you stroking your fallus?
Raplh: I don't know. It... it just feels good.
Dr. Hubbins: Are you afraid it'll dissapear? Are you afraid that it'll fall off? That a woman will castrate it and take it away? Why don't you just accept it as a natural appendage like your foot?