This action-packed fantasy takes place twelve thousand years ago, an undreamed-of age before recorded history filled with fantastic kingdoms across an uncharted world. An age of superstition and myth populated by mystical wizards and menacing creatures, this Hyborian Age spawned a true hero, Conan. With the aid of ragtag warriors Otli, Bayu and Zzeban, he quests to his homeland from the rule of an all-powerful sorcerer and deals with beautiful, fiery bandit queen Karella. Written by
Seems like ever since "Hercules" and "Xena" became chart toppers in the syndicated tv series market, a lot of imitators have come along. "Conan" the tv series is one of them, which is a shame as it had so much going for it, like instant name recognition.
First off, the producers need to get rid of the mute and the Viking sidekicks. "Conan" always has been his own man. Readers of the original "Conan" novels by Robert E. Howard know this. The books were always about Conan's fights against overwhelming odds by himself. He needs friends, but not these two, and not all the time. Let him keep the dwarf, but let Danny Woodburn provide a bit more comedy relief, and let a tall woman fall in love with the dwarf from time to time so that Danny can have that macho-man look on his face. It'd be a great opportunity for physical comedy. A dwarf Don Juan would be funny.
Second, let the female sidekick get more screen time. And change her costume. Save the leather corset for "Xena". Karella should show a belly button from time to time, instead. She's an ex-"Vogue" model, so let us see some trim tummy. We get to see Ralph's don't we?
Third, give the show more sizzle. Let the women be women. Let the female guest stars slip out of their leather outfits and into something more comfortable, such as Conan's arms, or a cool mountain stream, a field of flowers, a dark forest, or even a cold dungeon. A little titillation can go a long way. If the producers want to know how to pull off this act and get around the American censors, let them watch an episode of "Pacific Blue". The books were always about Conan defeating the evil ruler, saving the town, and bedding a fair maiden. It was formulaic, but it worked. So how about more fair maidens?
As for Ralph Moeller, he does a great job as "Conan": big muscles, big sword, limited vocabulary, just as Robert E. Howard had depicted him. And Danny Woodburn could be great with a format change.
Me, I'm still waiting for them to re-do the first dungeon scene from "Conan And The Sword Of Skelos". "Conan" fans will know what I'm talking about. I think that scene was the inspiration for the two "Barbarian Queen" movies, which reminds me: where is Lana Clarkson when we need her?
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