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Celebrity (1998) Poster

(1998)

Quotes

Robin Simon: I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.

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Robin Simon: No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.

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[talking about Papadakis]

Tony Gardella: He's very arty, pretentious, one of those assholes who shoots all his films in black and white.

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Robin Simon: There aren't any ticks around here, are there? I'd hate to get Lyme disease.

Priest at Catholic Retreat: We haven't had any casualties.

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Nicole Oliver: I can't have sex with you! My body belongs to my husband and there is no way that I could betray him in that way. But what I do from the neck up is a different story.

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[sighting celebrities at a screening]

Tony Gardella: Oh, and getting out of the elevator I see there's a famous critic.

Robin Simon: Him, I recognize.

Tony Gardella: Oh, he used to hate every movie. Then, he married a young, big-bosomed woman, and now he loves every movie.

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Supermodel: You're not afraid of catching germs? And you know, I'm coming down with a cold and everything...

Lee Simon: From you I'd be willing to catch terminal cancer.

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Tony Gardella: Tom Dale. *Big* star. He's in New York filming an adaptation of a sequel of a remake.

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Waiting Room Nurse: I'm sorry, the doctor just doesn't do penis enlargements. We don't have the space.

Waiting Room Patient: We're talking about 3 inches here!

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Robin Simon: [affecting a Southern accent] I have always depended on the kindness of strangers...

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Lee Simon: One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High and you f***ing blink and you're 40, you blink again and you can see movies at half price on a senior citizen's pass. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately, ask not for whom the toilet flushes.

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Bonnie: Apparently his first two books...

Lee Simon: They were obliterated. I got the 3 esses: self-indulgent, sophomoric, sollipsistic...

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Lee Simon: Just in time. Another minute, I'd have been found dead of comedy poisoning...

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Lee Simon: I'm awash in self-contempt!

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Dee Bartholomew: I ran into our Tony Gardello at the Cafe Carlyle. He had a blissed-out look like he had died and gone to heaven. How did you manage to put that smile on his face?

Robin Simon: Using my head...

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Donald Trump: Well, I'm working on buying St. Patrick's Cathedral, maybe doing a little rip-down job and putting up a very very tall and beautiful building.

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Robin's Friend Cheryl: So ironic. You go to get face work, you don't get face work, but you meet a wonderful guy, he changes your life, it's better than face work.

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Exercise Tape Fan: Would you sign this? I use your exercise tape.

Supermodel: You do?

Exercise Tape Fan: So do I!

Exercise Tape Fan: But I exercise to it.

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Lee Simon: Every curve in your body fulfills its promise. If the universe has any meaning, I'm looking at it.

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Father Gladden's Fan on Porch: Did you agree with the Beatles, years ago, at the height of their fame, that they were bigger stars than Jesus?

Father Gladden: The world population was much less then.

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Souvenir Hawker: They're all genuine ceramic, and we got this rubber bulb here, you squeeze this, fill it with some washable red vegetable dye, give it a squeeze, you can make his wounds bleed. Watch in the back, there. Isn't that something?

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TV Reporter at Premiere: What's your next project?

Dalton Freed: Birth Of A Nation, an all-black version.

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Supermodel: I'm polymorphously perverse. It's not a flaw, it's just a weakness.

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Robin Simon: [to Lee] I hope you catch a break.

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Tony's Grandma: [to Al Swayze, black weatherman] But you're cheerful, I mean you're all so cheerful.

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Lee Simon: And you're, you're perfect. Do you have ANY flaws? I'm agog... with...

Supermodel: Physically?

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Tony Gardella: What am I, Don Corleone?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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