The Man Who Knew Too Little (1997)
Lorelei 'Lori': Are you going to bring me that martini, or do I have to suck it out of the glass from here?
James Ritchie: Am I talking to an actor now, or a human being?
Chief Insp. Cockburn: Neither sir, I'm a policeman.
Wallace: Was that a tear? How do you people do it? Do you poke yourself in the eye? Or are you thinking right now "My dog is dead"?
Lorelei 'Lori': What's the matter with you? Are you enjoying this?
Wallace: Enormously! "My dog... is dead".
Wallace: [after FINALLY clearing Customs] Which door's England?
Immigration Officer: How long will you be staying in this country, sir?
Wallace: That's a very good question.
Immigration Officer: Yes, I thought so, too.
Wallace: Sorry I get a little bit insensitive, but I'm a hitman!
Wallace: Please don't call me by my real name, it destroys the reality I'm trying to create.
Wallace: She told me about the letters.
Gilbert Embleton: Letters? What letters?
Wallace: The letters. She told me about them. I know all about the letters. How do you think I know? She told me. That's how I found out.
James Ritchie: [about Wallace] I never knew someone could forgot so much without a severe blow to the head.
Sergei: [to Daggenhurst] If we cannot trust each other, how can we bring back Cold War together?
Wallace: [Wallace is being shot at] Time out! Time out! I got something in my eye, jagoff!
Hawkins: Spencer, did you flush?
Wallace: I think she's gonna do that, don't you, pal? I'll ask her. Lori!
Hawkins: [Quietly to Daggenhurst] He's talking to her!
Sir Roger Daggenhurst: She's still in the bowl?
Hawkins: Maybe he tried to flush her, but she floated back up!
Sir Roger Daggenhurst: Tell him to flush her! Spencer knows how to deal with floaters.
Wallace: [a constable asks Wallace to see his license after a high speed chase] No, you may not! But I do have this nifty communicator with which you can speak directly to my superiors.
Wallace: [On the communicator/cigarette case] Breaker, breaker, come on back to that big ol' HQ, come on back to me.
Sir Roger Daggenhurst: Who is this?
Wallace: This is Spencer.
Sir Roger Daggenhurst: So you're still using that name, are you?
Wallace: Well, I figured I would until 11:30.
Sir Roger Daggenhurst: [to his assistant] How he mocks us.
Sergei: Why so gloomy? Is better than being butcher.
Boris 'The Butcher' Blavasky: I like being butcher. You know exactly who you are killing. And why.
[cocks the gun]
Lorelei 'Lori': You know, for half a second back there I thought I saw a real human being.
Wallace: Nobody asked me to be a human being.
Police Constable Cochrane: So what's the pay like then?
Wallace: They pay all your expenses, you're licensed to kill, but there's a down side.
Police Constable Cochrane: What's that?
Police Constable Cochrane: There's the women, though.
Wallace: Well, they're nice after the torture. Believe me.
Police Constable Cochrane: Not much of a car they've given you though, is it?
Wallace: Oh, it's a piece of crap! They've got an Aston Martin... had trouble with the surface-to-air missiles, so it's in the shop.
Stage Manager: Excuse me, no pass, no entry.
Boris 'The Butcher' Blavasky: I'm looking for a tall American.
Stage Manager: Aren't we all, dear, but we've got a show to put on, in case you didn't notice.