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Townies (1999)

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Ratings: 4.5/10 from 129 users  
Reviews: 8 user | 15 critic

Welcome to Schlarb, Ohio... a small county seat overrun by misfits, freaks and weirdos! Dickie is a lonely dumpster-driver who finds companionship in his latest dumpster discovery, a young ... See full summary »

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(as Wayne A. Harold)
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Title: Townies (1999)

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
P. Craig Russell ...
The Clapper
Lori Scarlett ...
Pricey
Jeremy Maes ...
The Licker
Jay Geldhof ...
William
Michelle Sibits ...
Crazy Connie
Toby Radloff ...
Dickie
Sean Wolf ...
Thad
Phil Schmeidel ...
Billy
Shannon McNamara ...
Kelli
Lauren Monaco ...
Kelli's Girlfriend
Shane Koltnow ...
Caduceus
Traci Marks ...
Jeffy's Mom
Eddie Brown ...
Little Jeffy
The Duke ...
Pricey's Grandpa
Coy G. Harold ...
Man With Squirrel
Edit

Storyline

Welcome to Schlarb, Ohio... a small county seat overrun by misfits, freaks and weirdos! Dickie is a lonely dumpster-driver who finds companionship in his latest dumpster discovery, a young woman's corpse! Pricey is a mute retarded girl with a lookalike baby-doll. When she loses her doll after an unsavory encounter with a mean cracker, she replaces it with the next best thing, her neighbor's young son! Meanwhile, the enigmatic Caduceus sets out to cleanse a nasty high school girl of her wicked ways! You'll also meet The Clapper, William, The Licker, Crazy Connie and other wild and wacky Townies in this Magnum Opus of CineTrash from cult filmmaker Wayne Alan Harold. Written by Wayne Alan Harold <wayne@lurid.com>

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

Lurid Entertainment presents a Magnum Opus of CineTrash!

Genres:

Comedy | Horror

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Details

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Release Date:

8 November 1999 (USA)  »

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Did You Know?

Quotes

The Clapper: Don't make me clap!
See more »

Connections

Featured in Genuine Nerd (2006) See more »

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User Reviews

 
Wholesome Family Entertainment Part 10: Necroville
30 January 2010 | by (Tallahassee, Florida) – See all my reviews

As someone who's already seen all the vintage John Waters, all the Troma's, all the LBP epics, and all the Italian Cannibal epics. Townies, to me, ain't nothing special. Then again, if you've seen (and approve of) all of the above, then I guess you might as well give this one a chance as well.

Schlarb, Ohio may or may not have ever been a nice place to live. As for these days, the freaks have taken over. Not so much taking over, as they're not going around killing everybody or anything like that, but there's just so damn many of them. Seriously, they're everywhere, giving weird looks and whatnot.

Dickie the dumpster-driver hasn't had a lady-friend in quite a while. Actually, the poor little fellow has never had such a thing. If you've seen him in Killer Nerd, or not, you won't find this hard to believe. All of this is about to change. For today is Dickie's lucky day. Dickie has found a corpse in the dump. And yes, in case you were wondering, it is a lady corpse. Goodbye loneliness!! Dickie has finally got himself a girlfriend.

Pricey is only semi-retarded, you understand. Actually, she's even semi-hot. Unfortunately, poor Pricey is completely mute. It's alright, because Pricey has her baby (a doll) to keep her company, along with a family who she usually spends her time waiting for, outside their house, for them to either wake up or come home... yeah, kinda like a dog. After Pricey's doll/daughter is stolen, she panics and quickly finds the next best thing.

Caduceus the big bald mute doesn't have many fans. The ladies are especially repulsed by this creepy reject. Avoiding Caduceus would be the sensible thing for any woman who finds this guy questionable. Yet, here in good ol' Schlarb, we got women trying to Caduceus over with cars, and convincing their boyfriends to make his life even worse. He may not seem all there, but Caduceus knows a thing or 2 about revenge.

And did I mention that all of this was accomplished with a three hundred dollar budget? I don't know about you but Townies is by far the most low-budget movie in my collection. And might I add that the black and white was a very nice touch, which would be the only thing that's nice about this mean-spirited trash-fest.

I don't know why Townies has been compared to Todd Browning's Freaks as much as it has. It's mostly about the trials & tribulations of a bunch of brain-damaged misfits, which, to me, is much more entertaining than a bunch of midgets and amputees, but that's just me.

For more in worthwhile modern trash, I Spit Chew On Your Grave is a must-see. If freaks is what you're in to, Frank Henenlotters newest masterpiece, Bad Biology will definitely do it for you. But if some nice pitch-black humor is what you're after, then you won't go wrong with Townies. 7/10


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