Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
Elliot Carver: The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.
Admiral Roebuck: With all due respect, M, sometimes I don't think you have the balls for this job.
M: Perhaps. But the advantage is, I don't have to think with them all the time.
Elliot Carver: Mr. Jones, are we ready to release our new software?
Jones: Yes, sir. As requested, it's full of bugs, which means people will be forced to upgrade for years.
Elliot Carver: Outstanding.
James Bond: [Bond says goodbye in Danish to Moneypenny on the phone while making love to his language tutor] Goodbye my sweet.
Moneypenny: You always were a cunning linguist, James.
Moneypenny: [M walks up from behind Moneypenny] Don't ask.
M: Don't tell.
Q: It's the insurance damage waiver for your beautiful new car. Now, will you need collision coverage?
James Bond: Yes.
James Bond: Probably.
Q: Property destruction?
James Bond: Definitely.
Q: Personal Injury?
James Bond: I hope not, but accidents do happen.
Q: They frequently do with you.
James Bond: Well, that takes care of the normal wear-and-tear. Is there any other protection I need?
Q: Only from me 007, unless you bring that car back in pristine order.
[the phone in Bond's car ring]
James Bond: Yes?
Elliot Carver: Good Morning, Mr. Bond. Elliot Carver. I beleive you have two things that belong to me!
James Bond: What are you talking about?
Elliot Carver: The encoder, in the dash of your car...
Elliot Carver: ...And my wife, in your hotel room!
James Bond: You were pretty good with that hook.
Wai-Lin: Thanks. It comes from growing up in a rough neighborhood. You were pretty good on the bike.
James Bond: Thank you. It comes from not growing up at all.
James Bond: [after throwing a bad guy into a printing press] They'll print anything these days.
Elliot Carver: According to Eastern philosophy, the body has seven different chakra points. The Energy centers, like the heart, or genitals. The purpose of these implements is to probe those organs, inflicting the maximum amount of pain whilst keeping the victim alive for as long as possible.
Mr. Stamper: Dr. Kaufman's record was fifty-two hours. I'm hoping to break it.
James Bond: I would have thought watching your TV shows was torture enough.
James Bond: I always wondered how I'd feel if I ever saw you again.
[Paris turns around slaps Bond across the face]
James Bond: Now I know. Was it something I said?
Paris Carver: How about the words, "I'll be right back"?
James Bond: Something came up.
Paris Carver: Something always came up.
[Carver has just informed his department heads of the sinking of the Devonshire]
Elliot Carver: Gentlemen, and ladies, hold the presses. This just in. By curious quirk of fate, we have the perfect story with which to launch our satellite news network tonight. It seems a small crisis is brewing in the South China Seas. I want full newspaper coverage, I want magazine stories, I want books, I want films, I want TV, I want radio, I want us on the air 24 hours a day, this is our moment! And a billion people around this planet will watch it, hear it, and read about it from the Carver Media Group.
Elliot Carver: There's no news, like bad news.
[to Carver before he is kiled by the sea-vac]
James Bond: You forgot the first rule of mass media, Elliot! GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT!
Dr. Kaufman: This is very embarrassing. It seems there is a red box they need in your car, only they can't get it open. They want me to get you to tell how to open it. I feel like an idiot, I don't know what to say.
[Bond just smiles]
Dr. Kaufman: I am to torture you if you don't do it.
James Bond: Do you have a doctorate in that as well?
Dr. Kaufman: No, no this is more like a hobby... but I am very gifted.
James Bond: Oh, I believe you.
[Bond has taken Gupta hostage and is negotiating with Carver to exchange him for Wai Lin, who herself is being held captive by Carver]
Elliot Carver: [to Stamper and his security forces regarding Bond] Don't shoot him, yet.
Mr. Stamper: [to his men over a two-way radio] Hold your fire.
Elliot Carver: Welcome to my world crisis, Mr. Bond!
James Bond: Even trade, Elliot; Gupta for Wai Lin. You can't fire the missile without him.
Elliot Carver: [Holding Wai Lin at gunpoint] And it seems you can't resist any woman in my possession.
Wai-Lin: What are you waiting for, shoot him!
James Bond: [to Wai Lin] I told you, we're gonna finish this together!
Elliot Carver: How romantic! Do you realize how absurd your position is?
James Bond: No more absurd than starting a war for ratings.
Elliot Carver: Great men have always manipulated the media to save the world. Look at William Randolph Hearst, who told his photographers, "You provide the pictures, I'll provide the war." I've just taken it one step further.
[Bond open fires on one of Stamper's men, killing him]
James Bond: Sorry about that, I've tuned out there for a moment, Elliot.
Elliot Carver: [to Bond] Touché.
Elliot Carver: Mr. Gupta, is the missile ready to fire?
Gupta: Press the magic button, Beijing disappears.
Elliot Carver: Well, it seems you've outlived your contract!
[Carver shoots Gupta]
Elliot Carver: You see, Mr. Bond, I have a backup plan
James Bond: Uh-huh. So do I.
[Bond remotely releases a grenade from a case and detonates it, breaching the hull of the stealth boat]
Elliot Carver: Mr. Wallace, call the President. Tell him if he doesn't sign the bill lowering the cable rates, we will release the video of him with the cheerleader in the Chicago motel room.
Mr. Wallace: Inspired, sir.
Elliot Carver: And after he signs the bill, release the tape anyway.
Mr. Wallace: Consider him slimed.
Paris Carver: Do you know I used to look in the papers every day for your obituary.
James Bond: Well, I'm sorry I keep disappointing you.
James Bond: Another Carver building. If I didn't know better, I'd say he developed an edifice complex.
Paris Carver: Tell me, James: do you still sleep with a gun under your pillow?
[Bond's transmission has shown a known terrorist holding a missing American GPS encoding device]
M: I wonder with what'll the CIA be more upset - that they lost it, or that we found it?
Wai Lin: [straddling Bond on a motorcycle] Don't get any ideas, Mr Bond.
James Bond: I wouldn't dream of it.
Dr. Kaufman: My art is in great demand, Mr. Bond. I go all over the world. I am especially good at the celebrity overdose.
Dr. Kaufman: [aims his gun at Bond] But now, Mr. Bond, I am afraid that our little...
[burst of static from his earpiece]
Dr. Kaufman: Ah, Stamper! Stop yelling in my ear, ja?
Mr. Stamper: Sir, they can't get into the car.
Dr. Kaufman: Oh, you can't be serious. Did you call the Auto Club?
Mr. Stamper: Do *you* want to call them? Make him tell you how to open it.
Dr. Kaufman: O-O-Okay. Ja, I ask.
M: I believe you once had a relationship with Carver's wife, Paris.
James Bond: That was a long time ago, M... before she was married. I didn't realize it was public knowledge.
Moneypenny: Queen and country, James.
M: Your job is to find out whether Carver or someone in his organization sent that ship off course, and why. Use your relationship with Mrs. Carver, if necessary.
James Bond: I doubt if she'll remember me.
M: Remind her. Then pump her for information.
Moneypenny: You'll just have to decide how much pumping is needed, James.
James Bond: If only that were true of you and I, Moneypenny.
Elliot Carver: Good morning, my golden retrievers. What kind of havoc shall the Carver Media Group create in the world today? News?
Newsman: Floods in Pakistan, riots in Paris, and a plane crash in California.
Elliot Carver: Outstanding!
Elliot Carver: Mr. Bond, Ms. Lin. Welcome to Saigon. Please come in.
James Bond: It's always a pleasure to see you, Elliot.
Elliot Carver: I wasn't planning on opening this center until tomorrow. But you're just in time to help me finish writing the inaugural story, YOUR obituaries.
Jack Wade: You know that, officially, Uncle Sam is completely neutral in this turkey shoot.
James Bond: And unofficially?
Jack Wade: We have no interest in seeing World War III - unless we start it.
Wai-Lin: [Bond and Wai-Lin are handcuffed together] If I didn't know better, I'd say you were following me around, Mr. Bond.
James Bond: You have to admit, though: we seem to have developed a certain attachment to each other.
Wai-Lin: Hopefully not for long.
Gupta: I call it "Gupta's Law of Convenient Anomalies" - if it looks too good to be true, it probably is.
Elliot Carver: Soon I'll have reached out to and influenced more people than anybody in the history of this planet, save God himself. And the best he ever managed was the Sermon on the Mount.
Elliot Carver: Don't you realise how absurd your position is?
James Bond: No more absurd than starting a war for ratings.
Admiral Roebuck: [to Russian General] Can't you people keep anything locked up?
[referring to the headline "The Empire WILL strike back"]
Elliot Carver: I rather like the last one. It isn't even mine.
Wai Lin: [bobbing in the South China Sea in scuba gear] Still interested in hostile takeovers?
James Bond: It's the opportunities for travel, that I like best about banking.
Wai-Lin: It's mostly dull routine, of course, but every now and then you get to sail on a beautiful evening like this. And sometimes work with a decadent agent of a corrupt Western power.
James Bond: And they say communists don't know how to have fun.
Wai-Lin: Oh, I hate to disappoint you; but, I don't even have a little red book.
[the Royal Navy has launched a cruise missile at a terrorist site Bond is surveying - Robinson gets on communications line with Bond]
Charles Robinson: White knight, 4 minutes to impact. Get out of there.
Charles Robinson: Yes, dammit, I know what it is, it's on the screen in front of me. It's a jeep in front of a plane! Now get the hell OUT of there!
Admiral Roebuck: What the hell is going on?
Charles Robinson: [to Bond] You will NOT wait! That is an order!
Admiral Roebuck: What is your man waiting for?
Charles Robinson: White Knight?
[Robinson reacts with horror to something on the screen]
Charles Robinson: Oh my God, those are Soviet SB-5 nuclear torpedoes! If the cruise hits them...
M: Order them to abort the missile!
Admiral Roebuck: [picks up phone] HMS Chester, urgent, Abort missile! Abort missile!
Adm. Kelly - HMS Bedford: Now, Captain? Whatever the hell that thing is, sink it.
Charles Robinson: Our man's in position on the center camera. It's like a terrorist supermarket. Chinese Long March Scud, Panther AS-565 attack helicopter, a pair of Russian mortars, and the crates look like American rifles. Chilean mines. German explosives. Fun for the whole family.
James Bond: [after Bond hears the female voice in the car] I think we've met.
Elliot Carver: When I was sixteen, I went to work for a newspaper in Hong Kong. It was a rag, but the editor taught me one important lesson. The key to a great story is not who, or what, or when, but why.
James Bond: [on the motorcycle] Get on the back!
Wai Lin: Why? Are you trying to protect me?
James Bond: No, I need to balance the bike. Now get on the back!
[finding Paris's body in his hotel room, Bond suddenly realizes the news report in the background is reporting his death along with hers]
Dr. Kaufman: [click] I have a clear shot at your head, Mr. Bond. Stand up, slowly, drop your gun, and kick it towards me, ja?
[Bond does so]
Dr. Kaufman: Good. Now sit down on the bed next to Mrs. Carver.
[Bond does so, and Kaufman turns off the TV and extracts a videotape from the VCR]
Dr. Kaufman: The story will be on the news in an hour.
James Bond: "Tomorrow's News Today."
Dr. Kaufman: Just so.
Captain - HMS Bedford: PWO, Is that target too small for missile lock?
Principal Warfare Officer - HMS Bedford: Yes, sir.
Captain - HMS Bedford: [sits to calculate a manual firing solution] Ok, we'll have to do this the old fashioned way.
Voice in Car: [during car chase] Warning! Unsafe driving will void warranty!
Q: I am not interested in your sordid escapades. Let's get on with it, shall we. Your new telephone. Talk here. Listen here.
James Bond: So that's what I've been doing wrong all these years.
Q: Look, it also includes a fingerprint scanner. a 2,000 volt security system, and this I'm particularly proud of - the remote control for your car. Tap twice. One. Two.
Q: Now, draw very slowly across the pad to drive the car. It's surprisingly difficult to drive; but, with practice...
James Bond: Well, let's see how she responds to my touch, eh, Q?
James Bond: It won't look like a suicide if you shoot me from over there.
Dr. Kaufman: I am a professor of forensic medicine. Believe me, Mr. Bond, I could shoot you from Stuttgart und still create ze proper effect.
James Bond: [Bond is practicing speaking Danish with his language tutor; while making love to her]
Professor Inga Bergstrom: I am pleased with your progress, Mr. Bond.
James Bond: I've always enjoyed studying a new tongue, Professor.
Professor Inga Bergstrom: One might say you have a natural ability.
James Bond: But practice makes perfect.
[Carver is revealing his plan to Wai Lin]
Elliot Carver: What you are about to witness, Ms. Lin, is not so much a missile attack, but the launch of a new world order. In precisely five minutes after your countrymen have attacked the British fleet, I shall retaliate for dear old England by sending this missile into Beijing, where General Chang has just called an emergency meeting of the Chinese High Command. Unfortunately, General Chang will be delayed in traffic, arriving just after the missile has killed your leaders, and too late to stop the air force from sinking the entire British fleet, but he will be just in time to take over the Government, negotiate a truce, and emerge as a world leader, with the Nobel Peace Prize.
Wai Lin: And what do you get?
Elliot Carver: Me? oh, nothing. Just exclusive broadcasting rights in China for the next hundred years.
Master Sergeant 3: [prepping Bond for jump] You free-fall for 5 miles and use your oxygen or you will die of asphyxiation.
Jack Wade: Sounds like my first marriage!
James Bond: Are you sure you can do this on your own?
Wai-Lin: It depends whether your mission is peace or revenge.
James Bond: This is about stopping a war.
[Gupta targets the stolen cruise missile at Beijing, then signals the bridge]
Gupta: Ready to rock and ruin!
Moneypenny: [Calling on the phone] James? Where are you?
James Bond: [In bed with a Danish Professor] Oh, Moneypenny. Um. I'm just up here at Oxford, brushing up on a little Danish.
Professor Inga Bergstrom: Little?
Moneypenny: I'm afraid you're going to have to kiss off your lesson, James. We've got a situation here at the Ministry of Defense. We're sending the fleet to China.
Q: Your new BMW 750. All the usual refinements. Machine guns. Rockets. The GPS tracking system.
Party Waiter: Something to drink, Mrs. Carver?
Paris Carver: Mr. Bond will have Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred.
James Bond: Mrs. Carver will have a Tequila, straight shot.
Paris Carver: No. Mrs. Carver will have a glass of Mr. Carver's champagne.
Paris Carver: [to Bond] If it comes to a choice between you and Elliot I've made my bed. You don't sleep in it anymore.
Paris Carver: [sighs] What was it James? Did I get too close? Did I get to close for - comfort?
James Bond: Yes.
[Passionate kiss, then Bond undresses Paris]
Paris Carver: I missed you.
Paris Carver: Don't argue with me James. You know, this job of yours - eh, it's murder on relationships.
Jack Wade: Yo! Jimbo!
James Bond: Wade, what the hell are you doing here?
Jack Wade: Jimbo, you know the world's my office.
Elliot Carver: Fire one missile at the flagship of each fleet. The Chinese will think the British are rattling the saber. The British will think the Chinese are being belligerent. And the media will provide cool, objective coverage. - Let the mayhem begin.
Elliot Carver: [Sees Wai-Lin on a surveillance camera] What the hell do I pay you for! If she's there, Bond is there. Stamper, find them
Elliot Carver: Even if they were looking for me, we're on a stealth boat! They can't see me. Or, you. Or, even - your friend, the late Commander Bond. Who is on leave at this moment on his way to the bottom of the South China Sea. He's my new anchor man!
Dr. Dave Greenwalt: I just noticed something.
Jack Wade: Yeah?
Dr. Dave Greenwalt: This is where the ship thought it was. This is where it really is. But see that island?
Jack Wade: Yeah.
Dr. Dave Greenwalt: That means where he's jumping, between the British and Chinese fleets... technically they're not in Chinese territorial waters.They belong to Vietnam.
Master Sergeant 3: *Vietnam*?
Dr. Dave Greenwalt: Does he have any U.S. government markings on him?
Master Sergeant 3: The parachute... the wet suit... the fins.
Dr. Dave Greenwalt: Jesus, if the Vietnamese catch him, they're gonna go crazy!
[Bond gets the green light and jumps out of the plane]
Jack Wade: He didn't even say goodbye!
Elliot Carver: [referring to Bond and Wai Lin] Mr Stamper, would you please kill those bastards!
Elliot Carver: Mr. Gupta, is the missile ready to launch?
Gupta: Press the magic button, Beijing disappears!
Elliot Carver: Well, it seems you've outlived your contract!
[Carver shoots Gupta, instantly killing him]
Elliot Carver: You see, Mr. Bond, I have a backup plan!
James Bond: U-huh... So do I!
Mr. Stamper: Drop the knife Mr. Bond or I drop your friend.
James Bond: Why did you marry him?
Paris Carver: He told me he loved me.
James Bond: That always sounds good.