Elliot Carver: Good morning, my golden retrievers. What kind of havoc shall the Carver Media Group create in the world today? News?
Newsman: Floods in Pakistan, riots in Paris, and a plane crash in California.
Elliot Carver: Outstanding!
Elliot Carver: Mr. Wallace, call the President. Tell him if he doesn't sign the bill lowering the cable rates, we will release the video of him with the cheerleader in the Chicago motel room.
Mr. Wallace: Inspired, sir.
Elliot Carver: And after he signs the bill, release the tape anyway.
Mr. Wallace: Consider him slimed.
Elliot Carver: The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.
Paris Carver: I used to look in the papers every day for your obituary.
James Bond: Sorry to disappoint.
Admiral Roebuck: With all due respect, M, I think you don't have the balls for this job.
M: Perhaps. But the advantage is, I don't have to think with them all the time.
[Making love to his language tutor]
James Bond: I always enjoyed learning a new tongue.
Elliot Carver: Mr. Jones, are we ready to release our new software?
Jones: Yes, sir. As requested, it's full of bugs, which means people will be forced to upgrade for years.
Elliot Carver: Outstanding.
James Bond: [Whilst being in bed with his Scandinavian language tutor] I always enjoyed learning a new tongue.
Moneypenny: You always were a cunning linguist, James.
Moneypenny: [M walks up from behind Moneypenny] Don't ask.
M: Don't tell.
Q: It's the insurance damage waiver for your beautiful new car. Now, will you need collision coverage?
James Bond: Yes.
James Bond: Probably.
Q: Property destruction?
James Bond: Definitely.
Q: Personal Injury?
James Bond: I hope not, but accidents do happen.
Q: They frequently do with you.
James Bond: Well, that takes care of the normal wear-and-tear. Is there any other protection I need?
Q: Only from me 007, unless you bring that car back in pristine order.
[Paris slaps James Bond]
James Bond: Was it something I said?
Paris Carver: How about the words, "I'll be right back"?
[to Carver before he is kiled by the sea-vac]
James Bond: You forgot the first rule of mass media, Elliot! GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT!
James Bond: Filthy Habit!
[the phone in Bond's car ring]
James Bond: Yes?
Elliot Carver: Good Morning, Mr. Bond. Elliot Carver. I beleive you have two things that belong to me!
James Bond: What are you talking about?
Elliot Carver: The encoder, in the dash of your car...
Elliot Carver: ...And my wife, in your hotel room!
[Carver is revealing his plan to Wai Lin]
Elliot Carver: What you are about to witness, Ms. Lin, is not so much a missile attack, but the launch of a new world order. In precisely five minutes after your countrymen have attacked the British fleet, I shall retaliate for dear old England by sending this missile into Beijing, where General Chang has just called an emergency meeting of the Chinese High Command. Unfortunately, General Chang will be delayed in traffic, arriving just after the missile has killed your leaders, and too late to stop the air force from sinking the entire British fleet, but he will be just in time to take over the Government, negotiate a truce, and emerge as a world leader, with the Nobel Peace Prize.
Wai Lin: And what do you get?
Elliot Carver: Me? oh, nothing. Just exclusive broadcasting rights in China for the next hundred years.
Elliot Carver: Mr. Bond, Ms. Lin. Welcome to Saigon. Please come in.
James Bond: It's always a pleasure to see you, Elliot.
Elliot Carver: I wasn't planning on opening this center until tomorrow. But you're just in time to help me finish writing the inaugural story, YOUR obituaries.
James Bond: It won't look like a suicide if you shoot me from over there.
Dr. Kaufman: I am a professor of forensic medicine. Believe me, Mr. Bond, I could shoot you from Stuttgart und still create ze proper effect.
Jack Wade: You know that, officially, Uncle Sam is completely neutral in this turkey shoot.
James Bond: And unofficially?
Jack Wade: We have no interest in seeing World War III - unless we start it.
James Bond: Another Carver building. If I didn't know better, I'd say he developed an edifice complex.
James Bond: You were pretty good with that hook.
Wai-Lin: Thanks. It comes from growing up in a rough neighborhood. You were pretty good on the bike.
James Bond: Thank you. It comes from not growing up at all.
Paris Carver: This job of yours... it's murder on relationships.
[Bond and Wai-Lin are handcuffed together]
Wai-Lin: If I didn't know better, I'd say you were following me around, Mr. Bond.
James Bond: You have to admit, though: we seem to have developed a certain attachment to each other.
Wai-Lin: Hopefully not for long.
Mr. Stamper: I owe you an unpleasant death, Mr. Bond.
Paris Carver: Tell me, James: do you still sleep with a gun under your pillow?
Dr. Kaufman: This is very embarrassing. It seems there is a red box they need in your car, only they can't get it open. They want me to get you to tell how to open it. I feel like an idiot, I don't know what to say.
[Bond just smiles]
Dr. Kaufman: I am to torture you if you don't do it.
James Bond: Do you have a doctorate in that as well?
Dr. Kaufman: No, no this is more like a hobby... but I am very gifted.
James Bond: Oh, I believe you.
Gupta: I call it "Gupta's Law of Convenient Anomalies" - if it looks too good to be true, it probably is.
James Bond: [after throwing a bad guy into a printing press] They'll print anything these days.
Elliot Carver: According to Eastern philosophy, the body has seven different chakra points. The Energy centers, like the heart, or genitals. The purpose of these implements is to probe those organs, inflicting the maximum amount of pain whilst keeping the victim alive for as long as possible.
Mr. Stamper: Dr. Kaufman's record was fifty-two hours. I'm hoping to break it.
James Bond: I would have thought watching your TV shows was torture enough.
[Carver has just informed his department heads of the sinking of the Devonshire]
Elliot Carver: Gentlemen, and Ladies, hold the presses! This just in! By curious quirk of faith, we have the perfect story with which to launch our satellite news network tonight. It seems a small crisis is brewing in the South China Sea! I want full newspaper coverage,I want magazine stores, I books, I want films, I want TV, I want radio, I want us on the air 24 hours a day, this is our moment! And a billion people around this planet will watch it, hear it, and read about it from the Carver Media Group!
Elliot Carver: There's no news, like bad news!
Elliot Carver: Soon I'll have reached out to and influenced more people than anybody in the history of this planet, save God himself. And the best he ever managed was the Sermon on the Mount.
Elliot Carver: Don't you realise how absurd your position is?
James Bond: No more absurd than starting a war for ratings.
James Bond: Are you sure you can do this on your own?
Wai-Lin: It depends whether your mission is peace or revenge.
James Bond: This is about stopping a war.
Admiral Roebuck: [to Russian General] Can't you people keep anything locked up?
[Bond's transmission has shown a known terrorist holding a missing American GPS encoding device]
M: I wonder with what'll the CIA be more upset - that they lost it, or that we found it?
Q: Here's your cell phone. Talk here, listen here.
James Bond: So that's what I've been doing wrong for all these years?
[referring to the headline "The Empire WILL strike back"]
Elliot Carver: I rather like the last one. It isn't even mine.
Wai Lin: [bobbing in the South China Sea in scuba gear] Still interested in hostile takeovers?
James Bond: It's the opportunities for travel, that I like best about banking.
Wai Lin: [straddling Bond on a motorcycle] Don't get any ideas, Mr Bond.
James Bond: I wouldn't dream of it.
Wai-Lin: It's mostly dull routine, of course, but every now and then you get to sail on a beautiful evening like this. And sometimes work with a decadent agent of a corrupt Western power.
James Bond: And they say communists don't know how to have fun.
Elliot Carver: [referring to Bond and Wai Lin] Mr Stamper, would you please kill those bastards!
[the Royal Navy has launched a cruise missile at a terrorist site Bond is surveying - Robinson gets on communications line with Bond]
Charles Robinson: White knight, 4 minutes to impact. Get out of there.
Charles Robinson: Yes, dammit, I know what it is, it's on the screen in front of me. It's a jeep in front of a plane! Now get the hell OUT of there!
Admiral Roebuck: What the hell is going on?
Charles Robinson: [to Bond] You will NOT wait! That is an order!
Admiral Roebuck: What is your man waiting for?
Charles Robinson: White Knight?
[Robinson reacts with horror to something on the screen]
Charles Robinson: Oh my God, those are Soviet SB-5 nuclear torpedoes! If the cruise hits them...
M: Order them to abort the missile!
Admiral Roebuck: [picks up phone] HMS Chester, urgent, Abort missile! Abort missile!
Adm. Kelly - HMS Bedford: Now, Captain? Whatever the hell that thing is, sink it.
Dr. Kaufman: My art is in great demand, Mr. Bond. I go all over the world. I am especially good at the celebrity overdose.
Charles Robinson: Our man's in position on the center camera. It's like a terrorist supermarket. Chinese Long March Scud, Panther AS-565 attack helicopter, a pair of Russian mortars, and the crates look like American rifles. Chilean mines. German explosives. Fun for the whole family.
Elliot Carver: Mr. Gupta, is the missile ready to launch?
Gupta: Press the magic button, Beijing disappears!
Elliot Carver: Well, it seems you've outlived your contract!
[Carver shoots Gupta, instantly killing him]
Elliot Carver: You see, Mr. Bond, I have a backup plan!
James Bond: U-huh... So do I!
James Bond: [after Bond hears the female voice in the car] I think we've met.
Elliot Carver: When I was sixteen, I went to work for a newspaper in Hong Kong. It was a rag, but the editor taught me one important lesson. The key to a great story is not who, or what, or when, but why.
Mr. Stamper: Drop the knife Mr. Bond or I drop your friend.
James Bond: [on the motorcycle] Get on the back!
Wai Lin: Why? Are you trying to protect me?
James Bond: No, I need to balance the bike. Now get on the back!
M: I believe you once had a relationship with Carver's wife, Paris.
James Bond: That was a long time ago, M... before she was married. I didn't realize it was public knowledge.
Moneypenny: Queen and country, James.
M: Your job is to find out whether Carver or someone in his organization sent that ship off course, and why. Use your relationship with Mrs. Carver, if necessary.
James Bond: I doubt if she'll remember me.
M: Remind her. Then pump her for information.
Moneypenny: You'll just have to decide how much pumping is needed, James.
James Bond: If only that were true of you and I, Moneypenny.
James Bond: Why did you marry him?
Paris Carver: He told me he loved me.
James Bond: That always sounds good.
Dr. Kaufman: [aims his gun at Bond] But now, Mr. Bond, I am afraid that our little...
[burst of static from his earpiece]
Dr. Kaufman: Ah, Stamper! Stop yelling in my ear, ja?
Mr. Stamper: Sir, they can't get into the car.
Dr. Kaufman: Oh, you can't be serious. Did you call the Auto Club?
Mr. Stamper: Do *you* want to call them? Make him tell you how to open it.
Dr. Kaufman: O-O-Okay. Ja, I ask.
[finding Paris's body in his hotel room, Bond suddenly realizes the news report in the background is reporting his death along with hers]
Dr. Kaufman: [click] I have a clear shot at your head, Mr. Bond. Stand up, slowly, drop your gun, and kick it towards me, ja?
[Bond does so]
Dr. Kaufman: Good. Now sit down on the bed next to Mrs. Carver.
[Bond does so, and Kaufman turns off the TV and extracts a videotape from the VCR]
Dr. Kaufman: The story will be on the news in an hour.
James Bond: "Tomorrow's News Today."
Dr. Kaufman: Just so.
Captain - HMS Bedford: PWO, Is that target too small for missile lock?
Principal Warfare Officer - HMS Bedford: Yes, sir.
Captain - HMS Bedford: [sits to calculate a manual firing solution] Ok, we'll have to do this the old fashioned way.
Voice in Car: [during car chase] Warning! Unsafe driving will void warranty!
James Bond: [on the phone] Bond here.
Master Sergeant 3: [prepping Bond for jump] You free-fall for 5 miles and use your oxygen or you will die of asphyxiation.
Jack Wade: Sounds like my first marriage!
[Bond has taken Gupta hostage and is negotiating with Carver to exchange him for Wai Lin, who herself is being held captive by Carver]
Elliot Carver: [to Stamper and his security forces regarding Bond] Don't shoot him, yet.
Mr. Stamper: [to his men over a two-way radio] Hold your fire.
Elliot Carver: Welcome to my world crisis, Mr. Bond!
James Bond: Even trade, Elliot; Gupta for Wai Lin. You can't fire the missile without him.
Elliot Carver: [Holding Wai Lin at gunpoint] And it seems you can't resist any woman in my possession.
Wai-Lin: What are you waiting for, shoot him!
James Bond: [to Wai Lin] I told you, we're gonna finish this together!
Elliot Carver: How romantic! Do you realize how absurd your position is?
James Bond: No more absurd than starting a war for ratings.
Elliot Carver: Great men have always manipulated the media to save the world. Look at William Randolph Hearst, who told his photographers, "You provide the pictures, I'll provide the war." I've just taken it one step further.
[Bond open fires on one of Stamper's men, killing him]
James Bond: Sorry about that, I've tuned out there for a moment, Elliot.
Elliot Carver: [to Bond] Touché.
Elliot Carver: Mr. Gupta, is the missile ready to fire?
Gupta: Press the magic button, Beijing disappears.
Elliot Carver: Well, it seems you've outlived your contract!
[Carver shoots Gupta]
Elliot Carver: You see, Mr. Bond, I have a backup plan
James Bond: Uh-huh. So do I.
[Bond remotely releases a grenade from a case and detonates it, breaching the hull of the stealth boat]