|Index||7 reviews in total|
Oh boy. This movie is pretty awesome -- as far as unintentionally
hilarious B-movies go. Steve Railsback, veteran B-movie actor, dials in
his best (read: worst) performance to date.
So, Mr. Railsback plays the character of Dylan Pope -- a decrepit secret agent who has been "enhanced" by the wonders of Modern Technology. Our decrepit super agent can toss around terrorists like they were rag-dolls, he can run 10 miles in as many minutes, and, best of all, he can make passionate love to any woman unlucky enough to be partnered with him.
Bad movie highlights: Even though Dylan Pope has been enhanced with super human powers, he spends a lot of time whining about how tired he is, and what a nuisance it is to walk around. Seriously, this guy can run 10 miles in 10 minutes, and he complains about how tired he is from walking? Priceless.
Even though Dylan Pope is constantly hounded by terrorists, and other malcontents, he always has a poo-eating grin/smirk adorning his face. I honestly don't know what Railsback was thinking concerning his portrayal of this character. He's surrounded, and being shot at by terrorists, and he has this look of, "Golly this is fun stuff!" What!?
Other sweet moments: the number of scenes contrived to get Delilah Shane (played by Athena Massey) topless. The script introduced, IIRC, at least 3 moments in which Delilah would have to change clothes. Our favorite was when the terrorist leader throws a party that featured, among other things, full Victorian regalia. He's a terrorist, living in the Balkans (?), and he feels the urge to throw period piece fete for no reason whatsoever? Again, the whole situation was concocted to get Delilah topless.
And, of course, let's not forget the obligatory sex scene between Pope and Delilah. Imagine if you will: a moonlight meadow, next to an idyllic stream. A thin mist floats in the background, as 52 year old Railsback ponderously lies atop Massey -- their bodies writhing in a vaguely sexual manner. How erotic!
Then there's the showdown between the nefarious terrorists and Dylan Pope. Guess who wins?
Bad Movie Score: 7/10 Good Movie Score: 4/10
This film is extremely poor in every manner, the special effects were probably done on an atari, e.g. laser scenes and miniature bombs, the acting is abysmal, an in my mind there wss no need for gratuitous sex scene half way through, i mean would u like to see a pizza face 50 year old man having sex with a woman half his age (who repaetedly changes her clothes in the back of a van without a van). it appears that the 50 year old star's grandad acted out the fight scenes due to the slow pace and all round crapness of it.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
In the fight against Serbian terrorists, there's only one man who is
capable enough to get the job done: the Terminator! Sorry, excuse our
faux pas - Termination MAN, a bored, apathetic individual named Dylan
Pope (Railsback). Apparently Pope has been endowed with special skills
and abilities by the government, but they mainly consist of being able
to run fast, which he never actually employs against the baddies. He
teams up with contacts Delilah Shane (Massey) and Ted Marks (Lottimer)
and travels to foreign lands in the war against an obese beardo named
Yurdovich (Ilyin). While this supposed terrorist evildoer appears to be
committing jihad against fruits, vegetables and exercise, and is all
the more jolly for it, still he's the greatest threat this planet has
ever seen, and truly only the blase Dylan "Termination Man" Pope can
terminate the threat. But will he wake up in time to do it? Termination
Man - which is not at all a ripoff title intended to confuse
inattentive and distracted video store patrons - is certainly
shelf-filler at said video stores, and is undoubtedly junky and wildly
stupid. But the overall vibe of silliness carries much of the movie
(but not all of it, unfortunately). Most of the dotty daftness that the
movie projects is due to Steve Railsback, and thank goodness. Out of
all the potential action stars (or unknowns) the filmmakers could have
chosen, clearly their only choice was Railsback, who was born in 1945
and thus was around 53 years old at the time of filming. Perhaps they
had seen his Private Wars (1993) of a few years previous, and figured
they had to get him. His listless "performance" rivals Burt Reynolds at
his most blatant uncaring, and this form of Railsback action, or
Railsbacktion, was surely set to be the wave of the future.
Especially in this movie, Railsback seems like he could be Ron Marchini's brother. We would love to know what he was thinking as he wandered his way through it. His utter lack of energy is a double-edged sword here. On the one hand, it's really funny. But on the other, it slows things down considerably, and it really hits home around an hour in, where things just drag. But on the whole, the film is filled with nonsense, from the gadgets that Termination Man, or TerMan, has, that were given to him by Cain (Farentino), who plays a gravelly-voiced version of Q from the James Bond movies. One of them is a camera. Its secret weapon: it flashes! Whoa! You get the idea. On top of that, there's mindless shooting, both near to, and far away from, fruit carts, and the fact that Delilah just can't resist TerMan's charmless charm. Well, for TerMan, it was either be a fearless/emotionless government agent, or a Wal-Mart greeter. And I hear the ladies love their friendly, helpful ways.
Correct us if we're wrong, but the Corman factory has never produced a truly awesome and worthwhile action movie. But in the meantime while you're combing through his back catalog, if you're willing to laugh and not take it so seriously, Termination Man isn't that bad. But be forewarned of the slow moments.
This film has possibly got the worst special effects i have ever seen. The
laser scenes are the funniest, also watch as THE TERMINATION MAN throws
worlds tiniest bomb which is also completely invisible.
The story is about a super human 50 year old who can run miles in seconds
has no other decent powers and his fight against 'russian terrorists'.
The final fight scene which comprising the worst fight choreography ever seen in a crappy straight to video film is also a highpoint of this brilliant movie.
This is a film which makes blair witch's budget seem massive and is the well deserved worst film of all time
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Agent Pope (Steve Railsback), the star of Termination Man, teams up
with Agent Shane (Athena Massey) to complete a secret mission in
Serbia. Neither of the them succeed in making us believe that they are
in fact secret agents. Railsback looks stiff and old, and his fight
scenes are over within seconds because he obviously can't fight. He
even has trouble running across a road. Massey is trying very hard to
act, but without any result. This is partly because Railsback doesn't
give her any response at all. He just keeps on smiling like he's having
the greatest time of his life. He looks like he's brain-dead and then
suddenly remembers that he's tough and cool.
The script is very bad and almost noting that happens is explained properly. For instance: Pope has to go to Serbia to check if he'll die from a gas that has been produced by the U.S. government. He has been genetically enhanced so that he is immune to the gas. Couldn't they have done this all in a lab instead of roaming the Serbian woods for no apparent reason?! The acting is quite bad, but it's Railsback's "performance" that ruins the movie completely. He must have thought Termination Man would be a comedy. The bad guy is just a sad guy with only about fifteen soldiers under his command. The way it is filmed is mediocre, lots of standard shots, bad editing, direction seems to be absent.
As a vehicle for Railsback Termination Man fails, because he's by far the worst actor in the movie. I give it 3/10 simply because it was amusing to see how far this thing could get out of hand from the start on. And it got pretty far.
'Hello Steve, it's Larry.' 'Larry who?' 'Larry. Your agent!' 'Oh, sorry. Hadn't heard from you in a while.' 'Well, have you thought about the two offers I mentioned?' 'Uhhhh. Would you refresh my memory.?' 'Well, there's the Troma version of 9-11, 'Alladin and the Forty Mullahs'. You'd play.......' 'Forget it Larry. What was the other one again?' 'Its working title is 'Serbian Avenger' and you play the lead. A kind of super 007 but it has contemporary political significance. I know how important that is to you. It's a Corman-Woods-Slavicfilms production so it'll be shot in Bosnia.' 'Oh yeah, I remember now. I asked you to get me more money. Were you able to?' 'Yes. I've got you up to $500 a week. No medical coverage but there'll be a retired Bosnian War medic on the set except on Sunday.' 'Sunday! We're going to shoot on Sundays?' 'Well, to get you $500 I had to make a few concessions.' 'Yeah, like what else?' 'Uhhh, it's a seven day shooting schedule. But the picture is only a ten day shoot. A 16-hour flat. (Pause) You'll no longer have your own tent. Will have to share it with the sound mixer and his boom man. But I made the line producer swear that the guys will not be eating garlic' 'I guess I can live with that.' 'And you'll have to take a freighter from New York to Dubrovnik. But they'll send a taxi to pick you up there.' (Silence on the phone.) 'Look. It's going to be a first class production. The director got a Goovna Award last year for 'Kielbasy, Me and Dravnik' from the jury at the Second Annual Grzonik Film Festival'. 'Who else is in it. Is there a broad?' 'Best news for last! It's Athena Massey!' 'Athena Who?' 'Athena Massey! Athena continues to show her range and versatility as an actress with her two most recent films, 'Groin's Portal' and 'The Labial Monologue.' You'll love working with her. And they already told me they've reserved a fog machine for the tasteful and romantic dusk lovemaking scene they've planned along the beautiful Slobodan Creek .' 'Larry, does she, uhh, is she.....' "Steve, I knew you'd ask that. I made some inquiries and I've got it on good authority that she's got a set of tits on her that won't stop!' 'Well, o.k. I'll do it then.' 'Great. I'll get them to prepare a deal memo as soon as I get off the phone.' ' Great, see you soon.' 'See you.'
...but what sweet Termination it is.
Movie consists only of our protagonists running from something or towards something or someone. And a few silicon shots.
This waste belongs up there with such classics as "Manos:Hands of fate", "Alien vs. Ninja", "The Room" and the rest of otherworldly excrement's ever to grace our blissful third eye.
Although it is so funny that can be watched "on normal terms", I wholeheartedly recommend to alter your perception to fully appreciate the absurdity of actions of everyone who was involved in this Holy Grail of a movie.
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