Suicide Kings (1997)
Lono Veccio: Don't even mention the fuckin' boots to me again. You got that?
Mickey: Sorry Lono.
Lono Veccio: It's not fuckin' funny.
Mickey: I know! I'm kidding!
Lono Veccio: I don't wanna hear about any fuckin' kinda footwear from you again. Don't even talk about fuckin' socks to me.
Lono Veccio: You okay?
Charlie Barret: Eh, so-so. You know, except for this
[holds up his bandaged hand]
Lono Veccio: They cut your finger off? You fuckin' sick fucks. It's all this fuckin' rap shit, isn't it?
Lono Veccio: Well, if you give me a couple minutes of your time, I got a few things I'd like to talk to ya about. You know, uh, what you did wasn't really your fault. It's what you call a, uh, genetic defect. Mom called it the, the gene. My grandfather had the gene. He, uh, came over on the boat from Ireland in 1912 and I guess he passed it on to my old man. My old man was a great guy, a real pussy cat, you know, hard worker. Big sports fan, but sometimes on his way home from the docks he liked to stop in with the guys and have a couple of beers, ya know. I remember coming home from school one day, and, uh, the whole house was dark. Couldn't figure it out. I heard my mom crying off in the dark someplace, and I was old enough at that point I could reach the light switch. I turned the lights on, and I saw what he did to her. So I went to my room and I got the, uh, baseball bat. Mickey Mantel model my old man give me for Christmas, and I found the old man passed out in the bathtub, and I tattooed him. Needless to say, when I came home every day from school after that, the, uh, house is lit up like Ebbets Field, and the old man, uh, never drank again. So all I'm saying to you is, if you wanna drink, you go ahead and drink. But if I ever find out that you laid your hands on that little girl again, me and Mr. Mantle are gonna pay you a visit, my friend.
Charlie Barret: That phone call I got, it came from outside high walls and fancy gates; it comes from a place you know about maybe from the movies. But I come from out there, and everybody out there knows, everybody lies: cops lie, newspapers lie, parents lie. The one thing you can count on - word on the street... yeah, that's solid.
Charlie Barret: The gun again. Can't you guys just play nice?
Lono Veccio: Drop the gun, asshole.
Max Minot: [finally fed up] Why don't you drop your gun?
Lono Veccio: I don't drop my fucking gun, okay?
Max Minot: [in a mocking voice] Okay.
Brett Campbell: Listen, Charlie. Whatever condition Elise is returned home in is the exact same condition you will be returned to your home. If she loses an eye, you lose an eye. If she loses an ear, you get to lose an ear. If she gets hurt, you will be hurt. Listen to me, by saving Lisa you get to save yourself.
Charlie Barret: I'm going to give you an opportunity: get out of this. Now. Before it gets so fucked up nobody could ever recover.
Ira Reder: Why is this man here? Why is he taped to my father's favorite chair?
Lono Veccio: [after hitting Jennifer's father with her toaster] Sorry about the toaster.
Charlie Barret: Guys, if I don't bleed to death pretty soon, I'm gonna die of boredom.
[They let Charlie go]
Brett Campbell: What the fuck? I leave the room for two minutes and you guys roll over like 5 dollar whores! You have a drink with the guy and next thing you know he's best man at your wedding! What the fuck did he do when I was in the other room, sprinkle fairy dust up your skirts?
Ira Reder: I want you and your weird fuck junkie friend out of my house.
Charlie Barret: Well, I'm wondering, how come a day and a half ago Max can't navigate his way around Harlem with a Sherpa guide, but tonight he knows the place like his backyard?
Charlie Barret: You guys didn't think this through too good, did you?
Max Minot: Oh, she's more than beautiful. She's got this way she looks at you, just... just stop your heart, you know? And make it start back up again. You know any girls like that?
Charlie Barret: Yeah. All of them.
Marty: Don't go dying on me. Remember, I'm a lawyer. I've got friends in hell.
Charlie Barret: You should never lie to your friends.
Ira Reder: You cut his fucking finger off!
[after "correcting" a story about him told by Brett]
Charlie Barret: Everything your pal Brett said is true. Except he left out one detail. Those dogs... that was not steak they were eating.
Charlie Barret: Anybody wants to hold hands with my dick, I insist they buy me a drink first. I mean, after all, I'm not asking for dinner and dancing.
Ira Reder: [as Brett picks up the phone to dial] It will show up on my old man's bill.
Brett Campbell: Ira, you're unbelievable. What do you want, a fucking quarter?
Ira Reder: He will know we were here!
Brett Campbell: [smashes vase] Well, you know what, now he's gonna know we were here anyway!
Ira Reder: It's an aniversary present!
Brett Campbell: Good, fag. Pick it up.
Charlie Barret: Ira, come here. You are the man. Remember that. Okay.
Ira Reder: That's fresh ice. That's very cold!
Charlie Barret: [to Avery] Thank your lucky stars I don't let Lono do to you what he wants to.
Lono Veccio: Fuckin A right.
Avery Chasten: I can't let you go.
Max Minot: Avery, we don't have a choice.
Avery Chasten: I gotta gun in my hand! We have a choice!
Brett Campbell: You're pretty funny for a guy with nine fingers.
Ira Reder: Hey-hey, big time, how ya doin?
Max Minot: Good.
Ira Reder: Listen, ahh, there's been a new wrinkle.
Max Minot: What?
Ira Reder: But first you gotta promise me, PROMISE ME, you're not going to tell anybody.
Max Minot: Ira, what are you talking about?
Ira Reder: Look, just promise me first.
Max Minot: Fuck off, Ira.
Ira Reder: Okay, good enough.
Charlie Barret: A number of times, the only thing that kept me out of a satin box was I could size up the other guy maybe half a second quicker than he could me.
Brett Campbell: [laughing] What the fuck are you talking about? You're taped to a chair! He saw us coming a mile away at the Plaza! Didn't you?
Charlie Barret: [laughing] I admit I'm out of practice.
Lono Veccio: [fed up about the boot issue] That's it, I'm letting out! This is worse than having my fucking mother in the car!
T.K.: [Lono holds everyone at gun point, T.K.'s beeper goes off] It's my girlfriend.
Charlie Barret: T.K., call your woman back, come on...
Avery Chasten: He had nothing to do with Elise's kidnapping, he had nothing to do with it. Can't you understand that? He didnt do anything!
Brett Campbell: It doesn't matter! They're all alike! Whoever did the actual kidnapping... It's a fucking technicality!
Max Minot: You're good. Look that up in the Constitution.
Brett Campbell: Max, shut up.
T.K.: [while emptying a vase] Hasn't anyone here ever heard of a bedpan?
Ira Reder: [shaking his head] T.K., no. It's from Sri Lanka.
T.K.: [handing Ira the flowers that were in the vase] These are for you.
Ira Reder: That's not funny, T.K.!
Brett Campbell: [as they argue over who will help Charlie take a piss] All right. Since I'm in charge, fuck it, Max, you do it.
Max Minot: Fuck that, I'm not doing it. Avery, you can do it.
Avery Chasten: No, I'm not doing it.
Charlie Barret: Guys, It's my dick, I pick.
[after it is revealed that both Avery and Max were involved in Elise's kidnapping]
Lono Veccio: Charlie, what do you want me to do?
Charlie Barret: Shoot...
Charlie Barret: [points] ... him.
[Lono shoots Brett in the leg. Brett goes down, screaming]
Brett Campbell: Aw, fuck, why *me*?
Charlie Barret: [re: his own kidnapping] It was *your* idea, Dunsky!