Scream 2 (1997)
Phone Voice: What's your favorite scary movie?
Randy: Showgirls. Absolutely frightening. What's yours?
Randy: [from the trailer] There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to create a successful sequel. Number one: the body count is always bigger. Number two: the death scenes are always much more elaborate - more blood, more gore - *carnage candy*. And number three: never, ever, under any circumstances, assume the killer is dead.
Gale: Hey, you'd better check your conscience at the door sweetie. I'm not here to be loved.
Film Class Mopey Girl: So Mr. Originality, how would you make it different?
Randy: I'd let the geek get the girl.
Cotton: I don't know about homicide, but you've definetely got me for raising my voice in a public library.
Debbie: [after shooting Mickey] Two birds, one stone.
[Sidney continues to sob and gasp]
Debbie: Oh! Mickey was a good boy, but my God! That whole "Blame-the-movies" motive? Did you buy that for one second? The poor boy was completely out of his mind.
[Kicks Mickey's body]
Sydney: And you're not?
Debbie: No. I'm very sane.
[Reaches down to pick Mickey's gun up]
Debbie: My motive isn't as 90's as Mickey's. Mine is just good, old-fashioned revenge. You killed my son! And now I kill you, and I can't think of anything more rational!
Sydney: You're never gonna get away with this.
Debbie: Oh, of course I will!
[Takes out a cloth to clean her fingerprints off of the gun]
Debbie: Everything's traceable back to Mickey. Including the cop gun he used to kill everybody. But let's just suppose that you had gotten hold of the other cop's gun. And you chased Mickey, and there was a big shoot-out, and a big scuffle. And you shot Mickey! Killed Mickey dead!
[Throws the gun way over to the stage]
Debbie: But not before he got off one shot at you! Okay. So, have I covered everything? Are there any questions? Any comments? You know what, though?
[Sidney tries to run, but Mrs. Loomis points the gun at her on the other side of the column]
Debbie: Who gives a flyin' fuck, anyway? Let 'em try and track down the second possible killer! Debbie Salt doesn't exist!
Sydney: Yea? Well, you're forgetting one thing about Billy Loomis.
Mickey: What's that?
Sydney: I fucking killed him!
Dewey: How do you know that my dimwitted inexperience isn't merely a subtle form of manipulation, used to lower people's expectations, thereby enhancing my ability to effectively manuever within any given situation?
Joel: I'm gonna get some donuts, some Prozac; see if I can find some crack, Special K, X... not Malcom, and I'll be back when y'all start talking about somethin a little more "Saved By The Bell"-ish!
Hallie: I like the little furry things.
Mickey: Ewoks, they blow.
Dewey: Look, Gale's no killer.
Randy: Ok, all right then, but if she's not a killer, she's a target.
Randy: Sydney, look, it's Gale Weathers.
Randy: Star of the Gale Weathers press conference. Author of the press conference starring Gale Weathers. Soon to be a major motion picture starring Gale Weathers!
Gale: I feel bad Dewey, I feel really bad! I never say that cause I never feel bad about anything, but I feel bad now.
Dewey: Is this just another brilliant Gale Weathers performance?
Gale: There are no cameras here. I just wanna find this fucker! I really do.
Gale: It's happening again, isn't it?
Dewey: You'd love that, wouldn't you? Better hurry Gale, might get scooped.
Debbie: Please Miss Weathers, it would just be such an honor if I could get a quote from you for my story.
Gale: All right. Begin quote.
Gale: Your flattering remarks are both desperate and obvious. End quote!
Sydney: Hello? Hello?
Phone Voice: Hello Sidney.
Phone Voice: What's your favorite scary movie?
Sydney: Who is this?
Phone Voice: You tell me.
Sydney: [picks up caller ID] Cory Gillis, 555-0176.
Phone Voice: Shit!
Sydney: Hot flash Cory...
Phone Voice: Shit!
Sydney: ...prank calls are a criminal offense prosecuted under penal code 653M.
[caller hangs up]
Sydney: Hope you enjoyed the movie.
Maureen Evans: Bitch, hang up the phone and star-69 his ass!
Phone Voice: Why are you even here Randy? You'll never be the leading man.
Randy: Fuck you!
Phone Voice: No matter how hard you try you'll never be the hero and you'll never ever get the girl.
Randy: Oh yeah? We'll lets re-direct the moment Mr. I'm So Original. Where's your motivation? Huh? Why copy yourself off of two high school loser ass dickheads? Stu was a pussy ass wet rag. And Billy Loomis? Billy Loomis, what the fuck? Jesus! Talk about a rat looking homo repressed momma's boy! Why not set your goals higher huh? You wanna be one of the big boys! Huh? Manson, Bundie, O.J, Son of...
Mickey: Empire Strikes Back. Better story, improved effects.
Randy: Not a sequel, part of a trilogy, completely planned.
Dewey: Typically, serial killers are white male.
Randy: That's why it's perfect! It's sort of against the rules but not really. Mrs. Voorhees was a terrific serial killer, and there's always room for Candyman's daughter. She's sweet, she's deadly, she's bad for your teeth.
Cotton: [to Gale] Jeeze Gale, you've got more lives than a cat.
Film Teacher: You could say that what happened in that theatre was a direct result of the movie itself.
Cici: That is so Moral Majority. You can't blame real life violence on entertainment.
Film Class Guy #1: Yes you can. Don't you ever watch the news?
Film Class Guy #2: Hello? The murderer was wearing a ghost mask just like in the movie. It's directly responsible.
Cici: No, it's not. Movies are not responsible for our actions.
Mickey: Its a classic case of life, imitating art, imitating life.
Film Class Mopey Girl: Its not hypothetical, it's not about art. I had biology with that girl. This is reality.
Randy: Thank you. I agree with you. Let me tell you about reality, Mickey. I lived through this, okay? Life is life. It doesn't imitate anything.
Mickey: Oh come on Randy, with all due respect, the killer obviously patterned himself after two serial killers who were immortalized on film.
Film Class Guy #2: Thank you!
Film Teacher: So, you're suggesting that someone is trying to make a real life sequel?
Randy: Stab 2? Who would wanna do that? Sequels suck! Oh please, please! By definition alone, sequels are inferior films!
Mickey: It's bullshit generalization. Many sequels have surpassed their originals.
Randy: Oh yeah?
Cici: Name one.
Film Class Guy #1: Aliens. Far better than the first.
Cici: Yeah, well, there's no accounting for taste.
Randy: Thank you. Ridley Scott Rules. Name another.
Film Class Guy #2: No way. Aliens is a classic. "Get away from her, you bitch!"
Randy: I believe the line is "Stay away from her, you bitch." This is a film class right?
Film Class Guy #2: Got you. Whatever. You know what I mean.
Randy: Name another.
Cici: You got a hard-on for Cameron.
Randy: A big one.
Film Class Guy #1: No way. The first Terminator is historical.
Randy: Yeah... Sarah Connor. Yes.
Film Class Guy #2: Alright, alright. House II: The Second Story.
[class hits him]
Randy: The entire horror genre was destroyed by sequels.
Mickey: I got it, by the way. I got it. Godfather Part II.
Randy: [as Marlon Brando] That's very good. Very good. That's an Oscar winning exception.
Phil Stevens: We got these tickets for free.
Maureen Evans: It's some dumb-ass white movie about some dumb-ass white girls getting their white asses cut the fuck up, okay?
[Sidney, Gale and Cotton look at the body of Mrs. Loomis, after being shot down by Cotton]
Gale: Is she dead?
Sydney: I don't know. They always come back.
[as if to confirm what Sidney just said, Mickey leaps to his feet screaming, despite his injuries. Gale and Sidney turn to him and spray him with bullets. Mickey is knocked backwards and collapses, dead]
[Sidney approaches the body of Mrs. Loomis and shoots at her forehead. The body twitches a bit, then is still again. Gale and Cotton stare at Sidney, shocked]
Sydney: [shrugs] Just in case.
[Sidney drop the gun and walks away]
Sydney: [Answering the phone] Hello?
Phone Voice: Hello Sydney remember me?
Sydney: What do you want?
Phone Voice: I want you, it's showtime!
Sydney: Then why don't you show your face you fucking coward!
[Hangs up phone]
Phone Voice: My pleasure!
[Suddenly enters the room and lunges out at her]
Mickey: You should really deal with your trust issues Sid: I mean, poor Derek. He's completely innocent and such a nice boy too. He's bright and funny and handsome. Decent singing voice. And he was going to be a doctor. This is just the kinda boy you'd like to take home to mom. If you had a mom.
Sydney: Fuck you!
Mickey: Oh, so vulgar! Did Billy let you talk to him this way?
Sydney: Billy was a sick fuck just like you!
Mickey: No. Billy was a sick fuck who tried to get away with it. Mickey is a sick fuck who wants to get caught, yea! Ya see I got my whole defense planned out. I'm gonna blame the movies. Pretty cool huh? It hasn't been done before. You see, this is just the beginning, a prelude to the trial. Cuz see that's where the real fun is 'cause these days it's all about the trial. Can you see it? The effects of cinema violence on society. I'll get Dershowitz or Cochran to represent me. Bob Dole on the witness stand in my defense. Hell the Christian Coalition'll pay my legal fees. It's air tight Sid. I'm an innocent victim.
Sydney: You're a psychotic.
Mickey: Yeah, well. Shh...
Mickey: that'll be our little secret. Cause people love a good trial. It's like theater. They're dyin' for it. And I've worked hard to give the audience what they want. See that's what Billy was good at. He knew... It's all about... execution.
Gale: Look, local woman! I know you hold me up as your career template and that it gives you some sort of charge to challenge me, but give it a rest.
Gale: So what do you want to do, bonehead? Just sit around and wait to see who drops next?
Dewey: I don't know.
[Gale's phone rings]
Sydney: I want to know who it is.
Hallie: No, no, Sid!
Sydney: I'm going back!
Hallie: Stupid people go back! Smart people run! We're smart people, so we should just get the fuck outta here!
Maureen Evans: [to the disguised killer next to her] See, if that was me, I'd be running!
Mickey: It's a perfect example of life imitating art imitating life.
Sorority Sister Murphy: [to Sidney, falsely] Hi!
Sorority Sister Murphy: No, I really mean that, hi!
Dewey: When did she start smoking?
Randy: Ever since those nude pictures on the internet.
Gale: It was just my head, it was Jennifer Aniston's body!
Randy: I cannot believe it. They get Tori Spelling to play Sid, and they cast Joe Blow Nobody to play me. At least you get David Schwimmer. I get the guy who drove the stagecoach for one episode of Dr. Quinn!
Gale: So I am heading down to Admissions to do some legwork, you game?
Dewey: I'm not here to write a book Miss Weathers, I'm here to help Syd.
Gale: I wanna help her too, and help myself, of course. Come on Dewey, smile for me once, please!
Dewey: I'll smile when I catch the killer.
[to the killer]
Cici: Who are you calling for?
Phone Voice: What if I said you?
Cici: What if I said goodbye?
Phone Voice: Why would you want to do that?
Cici: Why do you always answer a question with a question?
Phone Voice: I'm inquisitive.
Cici: Yeah, and I'm impatient. Look, do you wanna leave a message for somebody?
Phone Voice: Do you want to die tonight, Cici?
[after the Sorority Girls left]
Mickey: The Delta Lambdas are the biggest bunch of fuckin'...
Hallie: Hey! I'm pledging Delta Lambda, thank you!
Maureen Evans: Why is she naked? What has that got to do with the plot; her being butt ass naked?
Phil Stevens: I don't know about the plot but I'm gettin a stiffy.
Randy: Mickey, the freaky Tarantino film student. But if he's a suspect, so am I. Lets move on.
Dewey: Wait a minute. Maybe you are a suspect.
Randy: Well if I'm a suspect, you're a suspect.
Dewey: Good point. Ok, let's move on to...
Derek: I am gonna fucking kill you! FUCKING KILL YOU! You are dead! DEAD!
Mickey: Just wait until the trial. It is gonna rock!
Mrs.Loomis: Oh, Mickey, there's not going to be a trial.
[shoots Mickey 2 times in the chest]
Sorority Sister Murphy: Hey Sid,how are you holding up?
Sydney: I'm coping.
Sorority Sister Murphy: This is weird isn't it, to think this fuss is all because of you. I mean, not directly, but in some six degrees of Kevin Bacon-way.
Phone Voice: Have you ever felt a knife cut through human flesh and scrape the bone beneath?
Sydney: [referring to who the killer is] Mrs. Loomis?
Gale: [shocked] What?
Mickey: BILLY'S MOTHER!
[Gale turns around and sees Mickey]
Mickey: Nice twist huh? Didn't see it coming, did you?
Gale: [still shocked] Jesus. It can't be, I've seen pictures of you.
Sydney: Yeah this is 60 pounds and a lot of work later.
Debbie: [takes off her trench coat] It's called a makeover. You should try it. Look a little tired yourself there, Gale!
Sydney: You're as crazy as your son was!
Debbie: [shocked] What did you just say?
Debbie: Was that a negative, disparaging remark about my son? About my Billy?
Sydney: No, Billy was a good boy. Billy was perfect, you did a bang-up job Mrs. Loomis.
Debbie: It's not wise to patronize me with a gun Sidney! Randy spoke poorly of Billy and I got a little knife happy.
Joel: Look, granted, I should've read your book before I took this job, but I'm reading it now and, whoa! I just read what happened to your last camera man. The guy got gutted. Now I'm gonna do what any rational human being would do and that is to get the fuck outta here.
Gale: First of all, he wasn't gutted; I made that part up... his throat was slashed.
Joel: Gale, gutted, slashed, the guy ain't in the union no more.
Officer Richards: [Pointing his gun at the killer in front of the car] Out of the car, you fucker.
Debbie: Two birds, one stone. Mickey was a good boy, but, MY GOD, that old "Blame The Movies" motive. Did you buy that for one second? Poor boy was completely out of his mind.
Sydney: And you're not?
Debbie: No. I'm very sane. My motive isn't as "90s" as Mickey's. Mine is just good old fashioned revenge. You could killed my son! And, now, I kill you and I can't think of anything more rational.
Sydney: You're never gonna get away with this.
Debbie: Oh, of course, I will. Everything's traceable back to Mickey, including the cop gun he used to kill everybody. But let's just say that you have gotten hold of the other cop's gun. And you chased Mickey and there was a big shoot out and a big scuffle, and you shot Mickey, killed Mickey dead. But not before he got off one shot at you. Okay. So, have I covered everything? Are there any questions? Any comments? You know what, though? Who gives a flying FUCK, ANYWAY? Let 'em try and track down the second possible killer. Debbie Salt doesn't exist.
Sydney: You're as crazy as your son was.
Debbie: What did you just say? Was that a negative, disparaging remark about my son? About my Billy?
Sydney: No. Billy was a good boy. Billy was perfect. You did a bang up job, Mrs. Loomis.
Debbie: Not wise to patronize a mother with a gun, Sidney. Randy spoke poorly of Billy and I got little knife happy. Ha! I was a good mother. You know what makes me sick? I am sick to death of people saying that it's all the parents' fault that all starts with the family. Wanna blame someone? Why don't you blame YOUR MOTHER? She was the one who stole my husband and broke up my family. And then you took my son! You don't know what it is to be a mother, to raise a child and teach him and guide him-...
- -AND ABANDON HIM? Isn't Mickey supposed to be dead?
Derek: Oh thank god Sidney, I thought I was gonna be up there until opening night.
Sydney: Oh shit, the killer is here. He killed Hallie, he's here. Shit, who tied these?
Derek: What are you talking about?
Sydney: The killer! He's here!
Phone Voice: Right here.
[pause; heavy, deep breaths]
Phone Voice: You're fast, Sid.
[Sidney resumes trying to untie Derek]
Phone Voice: I wouldn't do that if I were you. You really want to trust your boyfriend?
Mickey: Don't you know, history repeats itself? Hmm, Sid?
[removes mask to reveal Mickey; uses voice-changer]
Derek: What the fuck?
Mickey: Since Derek here disappeared on my ass, I've been on my own, all fucking night. Thanks a lot, partner.
Derek: You motherfucker! Sid, you know me better than that. Untie me.
Sydney: Oh my god, Derek!
Derek: No, no, no... Sid.
Mickey: It's okay, Derek. We got her.
Derek: No, no, Sid, listen to me. You know me better than that. He's lying.
Mickey: What do you think, Derek? Sidney's experiencing a little deja vu?
Mickey: Sid, he's lying! The man is lying! Sid, untie me! Untie me!
Mickey: Hmm. Boyfriend, killer. Boyfriend, killer. Boyfriend, killer.
Derek: No, I am gonna fucking kill you! You are dead! Dead!...
[Mickey shoots Derek in the chest, near heart]
Mickey: [holding a knife, slightly out of breath] Sid...
Mickey: You got a Linda Hamilton thing going. No, no. It's nice. I like it.
[Derek is careened up on a pulley]
Mickey: Now who is doing that? Could that be... the mystery guest waiting in the wings? Told you I had a partner, Sid. Surprise cameo just for you.
Sydney: [Gale conveniently comes in the room] Gale.
[Then Mrs. Loomis comes in, the audience finding out she is holding a gun to Gale]