Memorable quotes for
Private Parts (1997)

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Lawyer (Barry): Page 108, paragraph 3, No jokes involving flatulence, excretion, urination, ejaculation, or other bodily functions.
Lawyer (Jerry): Also, no use of the seven so-called seven dirty words. These are cocksucker, mother-fucker, fuck, shit, cunt, cock, and pussy.

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Howard Stern: Lesbians equals ratings.

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Ben Stern: I told you not to be stupid, you moron.

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[on why Howard is playing himself in college instead of someone younger]
Howard Stern: I know I seem a little too old to be in College. But for this movie you've gotta suspend disbelief.

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[after winning a student film competition]
Howard Stern: I tell you, nothing makes a woman hotter than to be with an award-winning filmmaker.

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Howard Stern: We never went to ballgames. The only sport my dad liked was yelling.

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Roger Erlick: Howard is on the FCC's Most Wanted List.

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Howard Stern: After all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses is it not?

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[after Howard called up Pig-Vomit's wife]
Pig Vomit: You're the anti-Christ. You know that, Stern?
[shouts]
Pig Vomit: You are the mother-fucking anti-Christ!

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[after seeing Howard in his Fartman oufit]
Ozzy Osbourne: What a fucking jerk.

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Ben Stern: Symphony Sid. By the powers vested in me by the Federal Communications Commission, I command you get on the microphone in a serious manner and continue this broadcast.

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Unshaven DJ: You wanted to see me?
Moti: Yeah, you came late yesterday, you came late today. I don't need you. You're fired.
Unshaven DJ: Fuck you.
Moti: Good, fuck you, you cunt. Fuck you 1000%. Fuck you till your asshole is like a donkey's asshole.
[coming back in speaking to Howard]
Moti: Okay, you start tomorrow.

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Howard (as MamaLookaboobooday): "Kill Kill Kill the White Man" by Eugene Mamalookaboobooday. Eugene is my pen name 'cause I wrote this while I was in the Pen.

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Jackie: My answer is "cock", and I wrote it really big, so I have a "big cock!"
Howard: I'm afraid you can't say "big cock" on the air. That's a no-no.
Robin Quivers: But I just said "pussy".
Jackie: [whining] Yeah, she just said *pussy*!
Howard: Well, pussy's okay. It's the way you say it. "Big cock" coming out of your mouth is, just not good.
Jackie: Wait a minute. I can't say "big cock", but you can say "big cock coming out of your mouth?"
Howard: That's right.
Jackie: That sucks!
[Pig Vomit, very pissed off, starts running for the studio]
Fred Norris: [as Richard Nixon] Did you just say "big cock coming out of your mouth that sucks"?
Howard: So Brett, what did you write down?
Robin Quivers: [as Brett Summers] Just like the boys, Gene. I've got "cock".
Howard: Do me a favor. Hold that up for a second so I can see your "cock".

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12-Year-Old Howard: But why can't I play with my puppets?
Ben Stern: Shut up, ya know why!

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Howard Stern: I am the hero of the lesbian community.

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Howard Stern: Irene, the weather girl! Irene, are you there?
[on the phone]
Leather Weather Lady: It's cold. *Real* cold. But your ass is gonna be plenty hot when I give you a good hard butt whippin'! Tongue!
[puts out her cigarette on the tongue of the rubberbound man]
Leather Weather Lady: What do you think about that? Turns you on, doesn't it? You little maggot!
Rubberbound Man: Yeah.
Howard Stern: Irene, thank you for the weather forecast.
Leather Weather Lady: Shut up.
Howard Stern: We hope to hear from you tomorrow. Give us some more weather!
Leather Weather Lady: Bite me, you loser!

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[Howard is on the phone with Pig Vomit's wife]
Howard Stern: Hello. Is this Betty Jean Rushton?
Betty Jean Rushton: Yes, it is.
Howard Stern: Hi, there. This is Howard Stern, WNnnnnBC. I'm calling because your husband Kenny has been really bitchy around the station lately and we thought that maybe you should give him some more sex.
Betty Jean Rushton: More sex?
Howard Stern: Yeah, he's *backed up*! Isn't he backed up, Ross?

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Howard: [Watching "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"] Hey honey, Robin Leech says we should move to Antigua.

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Researcher: The average radio listener listens for eighteen minutes. The average Howard Stern fan listens for - are you ready for this? - an hour and twenty minutes.
Pig Vomit: How can that be?
Researcher: Answer most commonly given? "I want to see what he'll say next."
Pig Vomit: Okay, fine. But what about the people who hate Stern?
Researcher: Good point. The average Stern hater listens for two and a half hours a day.
Pig Vomit: But... if they hate him, why do they listen?
Researcher: Most common answer? "I want to see what he'll say next."

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Researcher: The average radio listener listens for eighteen minutes a day. The average Howard Stern fan listens for - are you ready for this? - an hour and twenty minutes.
Pig Vomit: How could this be?
Researcher: Answer most commonly given: "I want to see what he'll say next."
Pig Vomit: All right, fine. But what about the people who hate Stern?
Researcher: Good point. The average Stern hater listens for two and a half hours a day.
Pig Vomit: But... if they hate him, why do they listen?
Researcher: Most common answer: "I want to see what he'll say next."

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Ben Stern: [to 7-year-old Howard] You're a moron! Now shut up and sit still!

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