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The Pest (1997) Poster

(1997)

Quotes

Pest: So, you started a few wars. a-ite? Okay, you actually you started every war, but I mean who's counting; it's not like you ever won one, right?

[laughs and pulls Leo's pants down]

Leo: Ve kicked France's ass.

Pest: Oh please, like who hasn't?

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Pest: So... uh... what was your snake's name?

Himmel: Cocteau.

Pest: [nervously] Coc-teau? Like the French playwright?

Himmel: Nein... After my two favorite body parts.

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Pest: "The United States of... Germany." Wow, somebody's a sore loser.

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Pest: Later, masturbator.

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Angus: Do you know what today is?

Pest: The first day of the rest of our lives?

Angus: No.

Pest: Sean Connery's birthday?

Angus: Sean Connery's birthday?

Bagpipe Player: SEAN CONNERY'S BIRTHDAY?

[Band plays "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow"]

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Pest: Love, peace and chicken grease.

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Pest: Of course I farted. What, you think I smell like this all the time?

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[Pest and Angus speak over telephone]

Angus: You'd show more respect if we were the Italian mob.

Pest: Oh, please. Don't start that again.

Angus: Just because we're Scottish people don't take us seriously

[Pest burps into mouthpiece]

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Himmel: Don't flatter me.

Pest: OK, your feet stink, your nose is point and your mother dresses you funny!

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Mr. Cheung: You know, you don't even look Chinese. You look like Moe from Three Stooges. I fire your ass!

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Angus: Today is Monday. I want all the money you owe me by Wednesday or I'm going to kill your whole family.

Pest: How 'bout Thursday and you just take out a cousin?

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Puerto Rican Boy: If you're blind, how did you know that I was a man?

Pest: I could hear your gonads shaking.

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Pest: [talking to himself while defecating in the forest] Whether 'tis nobler in the mind...

[farts]

Pest: ...to suffer the slings and arrows...

[farts again]

Pest: ...of outrageous fortune...

[farts again]

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Himmel: But I don't want to make the kill. I want to be a hair dresser, write musicals.

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[after his crotch caught on fire]

Pest: Fear not. The Pest line shall continue. My childrens have been savededed.

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[after he pees his pants from fright]

Pest: I'm sorry. I couldn't make it to the newspaper.

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Pest: ...I hope you get violated by pig monkey men in the woods.

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Pest: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the slickest of them all? It's the schemin'est, keenest scam artist. GOD, IT'S SO HARD TO BE MODEST.

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Himmel: I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bore you with the defining trauma of my life.

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Pest: Excuse me, but - ahh. Why do I gotta look like something out of "Jungle Book" and you guys all get the nice Banana Republic stuff?

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Xantha: Anything you have to say to me... you can say it in front of Malaria.

Pest: Anything?

Xantha: Anything.

Pest: Alright. Malaria's got mossy teeth, dandruff, and a fat butt!

Xantha: PEST!

Malaria: These jeans make me look fat!

Pest: Ah no, Malaria, your fat butt makes you look fat!

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Pest: O MY GOD. Quacky. Quacky. What have they dided to you?

[Pretends to cry]

Pest: Which one is he?

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[singing]

Pest: I'm "ridiculiculous." Like a booger I stick to this.

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[singing]

Pest: I'm in the mood to scam, simply because I can.

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Himmel: You'd have to shoot me first.

[Gustav shoots Himmel]

Chubby: I can't believe you shot him.

Gustav: Ah, he's wearing a bulletproof vest.

Himmel: Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

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Leo: Ah, the tracking device I placed in his underwear seems to be working.

Himmel: Why does Leo get all the good jobs?

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[Pest and Chubbs enter an armory]

Pest: Be all you can be!

Chubbs: Yeah, don't ask, don't tell.

Pest: ...What's that supposed to mean?

Chubbs: Oh, nothin'.

Pest: Just checkin...

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[Leo, Gustav, and Himmer are driving in a VW Beetle]

Gustav: Couldn't you have picked a better car?

Himmel: I thought you'd like it. It's German.

Gustav: Haven't you ever heard of BMW, idiot?

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[after tumbling down a steep hill and banging his head against a rock]

Pest: Aaahhh, now I'm nice and limber!

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[after Gustav wasted his tranquilzers on Xantha's family and his son, missing Pest]

Pest: You can't hit me! You can't hit me! You're a big sucker-butt! Ha ha ha, ha ha ha! I can't believe you're German! Ha ha h...

[Gustav hits him with the gun handle]

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[Pest works at a Chinese restaurant, disguised as Chinese]

Mr. Cheung: [In heavy Chinese accent] How come I don't undastand any of your Chinese?

Pest: [In just as thick an accent] I from Souff! Is a diffwent diawect!

Mr. Cheung: Oh really? Well, I'm from Souff too!

Pest: [pause] Well, I from FAR, FAR, FAR, far Souff!

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Pest: [Flatulence] One stinky dinky, Ah ha ha!

[Flatulence]

Pest: Two stinky dinky,

[Extended Flatulence]

Pest: Ah ha ha!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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