John Kelso: I've only been here three days and it's just a shooting, but give it time, okay. This place is fantastic. It's like Gone With the Wind on Mescalin. I know you're my agent. Listen to me, they walk imaginary pets here, Garland. On a fucking leash. Alright? And they're all heavily armed and drunk. New York is boring!
Mandy Nichols: If you're thirsty, a drink will cure it, if you're not, a drink will prevent it. Prevention is better than a cure.
[at the cemetery for a funeral]
John Kelso: Why didn't you come in?
Minerva: I never enter the office on Sunday. Ba-a-d juju.
The Lady Chablis: It's like my mom always said: "Two tears in a bucket, motherfuck it."
John Kelso: I'll have to remember that one.
Jim Williams: Livin' here pisses off all the right people.
Minerva: To understand the living, you got to commune with the dead.
Jim Williams: Sport, truth, like art, is in the eye of the beholder. You believe what you choose and I'll believe what I know.
Joe Odom: Joe's rule number two: If you have to leave a party, you always take a traveler.
John Kelso: Hey, Joe, what happened?
Joe Odom: Oh, that Jim Williams went and shot somebody. Canapé?
Jim Williams: Yes, I am "nouveau riche," but then, it's the "riche" that counts, now isn't it?
Jim Williams: Which conversation shall we join?
John Kelso: The one least likely to involve gunfire.
The Lady Chablis: Yes, I am a bitch, and proud of it, honey.
The Lady Chablis: If I catch any of you bitches near him, honey, I want you to know, you're gonna have to deal with the Lady Chablis, the Doll, the Grand Empress, and my mother fucking ice pick. So keep your hands off a that one, okay?
Billy Carl Hanson: [to Jim] Give me $20, I need it to get fucked up!
Jim Williams: He needed what I gave him and I needed what he gave me.
Jim Williams: Well, that's a very genteel way of asking if I come from old money.
John Kelso: Do you?
Jim Williams: No. I was born in Gordon, Georgia, a little town outside of Macon. My father was a barber, sometimes house builder. My mother was a secretary. What money I have is about eleven years old.
Billy Carl Hanson: You don't give me warnings, I give them to you, remember, 'cause I can back mine up.
The Lady Chablis: You better grow you some nails, honey, because if he's a gynecologist, he's mine.
Jim Williams: This is the dagger that Prince Yussopov used to murder Rasputin. He sliced off his cock and balls with it. True story, and deliciously evil, don't you think?
Woman at party: And there was Lyman, bleedin', sprawled in his favourite chair. You know, everyone knew our marriage was a disaster. If I'd so much as touched that gun, they'd have charged me with murder!
Mrs. Baxter: Mr. Kelso? Are you Mr. Kelso?
John Kelso: Yeah.
Mrs. Baxter: I'm Lorene Baxter. Welcome to Savannah. "Town And Country" is my favorite magazine. Oh, my land, where are my manners? What can I get you to drink?
John Kelso: Anything cold would be great.
Minerva: Quit eye balling me, Flavius. I knew you when you was a two bit hustler on Bull Street.
The Lady Chablis: Either he got some good old stuff, girl, or you're horny as hell.
John Kelso: Hey, Sonny, what happened?
Sonny Seiler: Nine jurors indicted murder one. They're trying to put our friend away for life.
Jim Williams: I'm innocent, John. It's important that you believe that. Do you believe that?
John Kelso: Yes, I do. I'm having trouble getting anyone to talk to me out here, Jim.
Phillip: I'm an escort.
The Lady Chablis: An escort? Do you work for one of those services?
Phillip: No, I'm escorting my sister.
The Lady Chablis: Please don't tell me you're doing it with your sister?
The Lady Chablis: You know what, hun? I told her the same thing. I said if Vanessa Williams can pull one off on the Miss America committee, then her little whoring around in Atlanta, Georgia, was not going to mean anything to a little steering committee in Savannah.
The Lady Chablis: Patrick is walking kind of fancy this morning, isn't he?
Mandy Nichols: It's better to be on the edge of a party, don't you think?
The Lady Chablis: Stop telling me what to do. I want to propose a toast. "From my top to your bottom. From your bottom to my top. From my middle to your middle. Be good John and I just might give you a little.